VV+Sam

**Introduction:**
Hi I'm Sam. I'm in Grade six at Valley View school in Courtenay, British Columbia, Canada. Courtenay is on Vancouver Island on the western side of Canada. It's a great place to live. And yes, Purple is my favorite colour. Here is a link to my blog [|SpiderSam] = = media type="custom" key="3654253"

=Draft 2 Waking Up the City= Sitting here watching everything around me really makes you think. What is left of our last feild is pitafull. Our city used to be colourfull and elabrate with montains and a glacier, forests and green feilds that we used to lie in and enjoy the sun beating down on our backs and going to the beachs. The island was a rain forest with rocky beachs. the ocean was every where. But all of that was nearly 10 years ago. Now the city is covered in smog and trash. Welcome to the city.

I was five when it all happened. A slite smog started to cover things and it turned out it had a cancer causer in it. My parents were in the first bunch of people to get affected. It only took a matter of moths for the smog to cover the city and for my parents to die. Ever since then I have been moving from foster home to foster home and the lastest one might be the last. Through out the years The smog has gooten worse and so has the trash. = = = = =Waking Up the City =

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Sitting in the middle of what’s left of the last field I started to realize how bad it really is. Our city used to be in the middle of a beautiful valley. There were mountains and a glacier, Forests, and green fields and we were on an island but that was nearly 10 years ago. Now the city is covered in trash and the air is polluted. The sky is always dark from all the smog. Welcome to the city.

THUMP! The sound of someone landing beside me startled me. I had never had someone come here before. I turned to see Mel land beside me. “Hey what are you doing out here?’ I asked. “Well you weren’t home so I thought you would be here since you’re the only one who comes here.” “Sometimes I need to think. It’s the last bet of natural colour in the city.” “ Yeah I know. But no one really cares about plants anymore.” “I do. I have pictures of my family when the island was still green. My foster mother thinks its crazy for me to want the city to be clean again.” When I was 8 years old the city was in its worst state and it ened up killing alot of people because of all the dangerous gas' and poisens in the air. Both my parents ended up getting cancer and dieing from it. I've spent the last 7 years moving from foster home to foster home and I hope to be getting out of the system soon. “Oh Tatsy. I wish we could all go back to the city the way it was before but I don’t think there is anything we can do.” “Wait. There is something we can do Mel! I bet there are other people in the city who want the grass back, to clear the smog. There must be others. What if we got all those people together to make a petition to stop the factories. We could go and collect garbage from around the city. We could even plant new grass!” I was almost screaming with joy now. “But Tatsy its been almost 10 years since the forests died and were only kids.” “But… were kids who want to make a difference and even small things we do can encourage bigger things!” “Well I guess your right. Let’s do this!”

After weeks of recruiting people Tatiana and Melanie had finally gotten enough people to have the petition giving to the mayor. The amyor was a large and lazy man. He was disagreable and grumpy. The only way he would agree would be to do everything on there own. “Well girls… The factories are a main source of jobs here now.” “Well what if instead of closing the factories down we just change their power source. Instead of using coal why not using wind mills or hydro power?” "I don't think so girls. The last time the city had any natural life was ten years ago. Our city got distroded and who knows what the affects of those could do to what is left. How could two 15 year old girls know anything about how to change our planet back to how it used to be?" " Listen here Mr. Mayor. We want to feel the feild and smell flowers. I want to see the amazing land scap. The smog that covers our city killed my parents and many others. Its still affecting people now. We only have 8 trees in the city and that is not enough oxygen. If we don't start doing something about it now we are all going to die." "hmmm..." The girls waited in silence as the Mayor rubbed his chin in thought. It felt like forever. Finally The Mayor lifted his head.

"You bring up a good point. Lots of people have died and are dieing. There is not enough oxygen. I shall bring this up with the concel and see what we can do. We shall consider it." “Awesome! Oh and would it be okay if we replant the grass and plants in the field?” "Yes that would be okay. If you can plant 4 feilds and have them grown with in 4 months I will see if the concel can get 2 jungle gyms and a playground. But I have to warn you the concel is very dissagreable."

As the girls walked away from city hall, laughing, they realized that they had just done something to restore their community and it felt great.

Luckly the concel had agreed with the idea and changed the power source for all the factories. After 4 months of regrowing the feilds they got 2 parks and 2 playgrounds. The smog finally started to lift.

**Questions for Peer Reviewers**
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I like your story; it was nice how you talked about you and your friend trying to save Earth. But I think you should have made it a little more exciting. What I mean by that is the mayor would disagree with you and you would try to solve the problem by yourself, and the mayor would be disappointed, but most of the people will demand to let you go and make a little park. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? The character didn't really go through any trouble. The character basically got what she wanted. There should be a little more violence and tension. The character has to fight against the mayor, or do it by herself secretly. 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? It sounds that the characters are fake. Because the mayor wouldn’t just agree to save the Earth. He would want to keep all the factories and cars. I think I can tell the character is a kind person that cares for Earth. 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I would like to see the character in pain and in trouble. I would like to see the character go through big problems. And I think the character should be described better 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? The character should go through more trouble, and more pain. In the middle I think you should try hard by yourself. And you cut yourself, and you foster mother comes out and sees you doing that and punishes you, but you escape and people vote you should make a park. And you become famous. You should put more detail.

ISKL Rahul