HA-Taylor


 * Hi I'm Taylor, here is a little bit about me.

Pets: 4 cats, 3 dogs, chickens and some ducks. I have 2 sisters, a mum and a dad. My hobbies would have to be singing and dancing, and riding my motorbike. I am from Australia, Victoria. I

here is my story=)  a typical lunch hour

It was in class that my friends and I (Taylor) were ( it should be was )anxious to get out of this boring class. With only 2 minutes till the bell we were energized and couldn’t wait to get out the door. 2 minutes had passed and the bell had finally rang, we rushed out the door like monkeys racing for one banana. We put all our books in lockers, collected our hats and raced to the canteen to get a snack.

After that we set off to start our journey outside. For the first five minutes we walking around the school like we were lost and was going around in circles, well that’s what it felt like. We couldn’t think of anything to talk about it was like who would last the longest without talking. All of a sudden Mr. Blackbird (a really mean teacher) walks up to me with a look on his face saying trouble and said to me “You have detention you will see me there at lunch time”. I couldn’t figure out why I got detention, all we were doing was talking to each other about my birthday party tonight. All of a sudden I had butterflies in my stomach and new when I got home I was in trouble.

Little did she know that her friends and fellow class mates were throwing a little birthday party in the detention room. A couple of minutes had passed and Taylor was getting more and more anxious. Just as she turned to her friends the bell rang she raced to her locker, collected her books and walked to her class room. In class Taylor couldn’t think why she got detention. She was so confused and worried about what would happen when she got home and told her parents. The clock was just clicking away in her head, she couldn’t concentrate. With only 5 minutes till the bell she just waited with chills running down her spine… Ding Ding Ding there’s the bell she picked up her books and walked slowly towards the detention room. Alright she was there she opened the door and “SURPRISE” the children shouted. "Oh my god" were the words that come out of Taylor’s mouth. Taylor was so happy and relieved that she didn’t actually have detention.

The party went on throughout the lunch hour. All the classmates and friends were having so much fun including Taylor. There was heaps of balloons and very loud music. Everyone was dancing and having so much fun.

The lunch hour finished and Taylor was very happy.

THE END  || I reread your story and hilited the things you need to fix.

One thing you need yo add more about taylors personallity Taylor your story was great i liked it alot= absoulty hate insects but adore animals. ) =) THIS PART DOWN THE PAGE WAS MARKED BY NILESH BFIS 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? The plot is not that original. Add something else like something maybe like the past how she had alot of stuff for doing these bad things.. it was kinda dull.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? There wasn't that much suspence, i think that you could add some detail; also add what she looks like. add emotion.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? Talk about whats unique about her.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? Add a question to the end; like what will happen next; something like that.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? alot longer. - jay ( jackie ) 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? There is not a preety big plot. oblems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? THere should be more suspence for example somethging should happend to the main character.

2. Think caracterizatonters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? You should describe the characters more yopu just told me something like my friend taylor. I think you should describe this taylor a bit more how does she look like.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I dont have lots of details but iu liked when you put thepart racing like monkeys with one banana.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? I THINK YOU SHOULD MAKE YOUR S5TORY LONGER. aND MORE DETAILED THIS PART DOWN THE PAGE WAS MARKED BY NILESH BFIS 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? The plot im sorry to sasy its not so original, the conflict is not too interesting it is a story abaout a surprise party in a detention room, a ithink you should add a twist to it 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? THere should be more suspence for example somethging should happend to the main character.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? You should describe the characters more yopu just told me something like my friend taylor. I think you should describe this taylor a bit more how does she look like.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I dont have lots of details but iu liked when you put the part racing like monkeys with one banana.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? I THINK YOU SHOULD MAKE YOUR S5TORY LONGER. aND MORE DETAILED