TM-Kayla

 Hey my name is Kayla Doherty. I am 12 years old and I am in the 6th grade. The school that I go to is Timberline Regional Middle School. I live in Plaistow, New Hampshire. The sports that I play are cheerleading, trapeze, and softball. I am always hanging out with my friends, playing a sport, or just talking to people on the computer. I was born in Boston, Massachusetts. I have one dog and her name is Abby. She is a 4 year old German shepherd. I have a lot of friends here. My top five friends are Amanda, Tyler, Kourtney, and Maddie. They are always making me laugh, even about the weirdest things you could ever think of! My favorite song would have to be Candle (sick and tired) by The White Tie Affair. Cheerleading is a big part of my life and I have met some of the funniest and nicest people I would ever meet! I am the person who goes in the air for cheerleading. Its actually not as scar yas you think, once you go up there you want to be in the air ALL day! I have a brother and his name is DAVID BROWN. 

  = = Sincerely, Kayla Doherty

<span style="color: rgb(0, 255, 0); background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> The land of the ducks is very extraordinary and fun. The land of the ducks is top secret and no body knows that is even exists! Well, anyways that’s not what this story is all about it is all about a duck named Drew. Drew is different from all the other ducks. He has super powers. Well, Drew woke up one morning and felt weird. He got out of bed and looked in the mirror. “Oh my god! I have a mustache!!” Said Drew. “This is so cool.” Drew got all ready for school and ran down his stairs. His mom gave him a strange look and said, “What is that on your face?” “Um, It’s a mustache mom.” “Aw! Your finally an adult.” “Um I guess so.” Drew’s mom looked at the clock and said, “Oh, here is your lunch, you might want to get running to your bus its kind of late.” Drew grabbed his lunch and ran out the door. He turned the block and saw that his bus had already gone by his stop! “Aw just what I need!” Drew started running super fast. He actually got to school early. Drew walked to his first class and knew that it was going to be a long boring day for him. Ring!! The end of the day school bell rang. Drew ran out of school. “Finally! Today was so boring!” Said Drew’s best friend Brandon. “I am just going to be a coach potato all vacation!” Said Drew. “Oh, how fun.” Drew and Brandon live right next store to each other and ever since they were little ducks, they were best friends. Brandon and Drew finally arrived at their houses and Drew looked over at Brandon’s house and it had looked like someone had broken in. “Oh my god Brandon! Your house is all smashed up!” Brandon and Drew ran int o the house and everything inside had been taken! Brandon ran over to the only thing left, a picture of his whole family together for vacation last year to Mexico. But right next to the picture was a mysterious note. “What’s this?” Said Brandon. The note said, “You may not know me but I know you very well. I have been looking over at your family for many years. I have captured your family and I am keeping them hostage until you give me what I want. Your friend Drew’s super powers.” Brandon looked over at Drew and fell to the floor.
 * //__ Chapter 1~ Land of the Ducks __//**

Chapter 2 the plan Brandon woke up on his kitchen floor with the note still inside of his hand. “Drew? Are you still here?” Brandon got up and ran outside and ran over to Drew’s house. “Drew open up!” But there was no answer. Brandon screamed and banged but still no answer. Brandon ran back to his house.

<span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255); background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> <span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255);"><span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255); background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">

Edited by Sophia de la Torre BFIS

** Questions for Peer Reviewers **
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? It is differently original but I don't find it interesting. It seems very juvenile and I'm a writer and I'm working on novels but this is very unappealing in away and I the fee ling that your exceedingly talented and you have strong ideas but you need to explore them and come up with more beseeching ideas. If you would like I could later give you suggestions.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? I'm not sure if the story is finished but I don't find there to be suspense and I believe that in a super hero story it isn't that complicated to put in good suspence. If he i such a hero why is he scared this story doesn't show well thought out ideas. The resoulution is contemptible and is inadequate.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The characters are completly dazed and seem liked there is no description and they rarely face a problem.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you // see // and // hear // and // experience // the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? There is no decription in the characters and it lacks a large amount of setting description.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? The story need to be more thought out better. The dialog is completly pointless. You repeat things you have already said and I believe the part where he starts screaming can have a bit more climax.

<span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255);">Rachael 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s) <span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255);">I think your story started off well but then I got bored.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? <span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255);">I think yo<span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255);">ur problem was good but we didn't hear enough about the problem and I don't think you had enough suspen se or tension.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? <span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255);">I think the characters were likable and enjoyable but we didn't hear much about the characters.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? <span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255);"><span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255);">There wa<span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255);">s not much descipton about the characters and very little descipton about the place.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? <span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255);">I think you needed to think the <span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255);">story out better, you repeat<span style="color: rgb(197, 0, 255);">ed things a bit and you had very little climax in the bits where people were screaming.

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