ISKL+Lachlan

Introduction Lachlan Lachie in blue

In a dark distant land called Conflicto, lived a species called the Jeopardy’s. Long ago the Jeopardy’s were part of a big group called the Safanta’s. The Safanta’s made the Jeopardy’s leave the group because they looked different. The Jeopardy’s didn’t like being ostracized for being different so they declared war against the Safanta’s and attacked them. The two sides continue to fight each other and this battle still continues to this day. This battle will continue until one side takes victory.

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Peter sat through another science lesson trying to focus and listen to his teacher without success. Peter was a kid who liked to daydream about imaginary creatures. One day he would like to join the army and fight for his country. His teacher Mrs. Palmoil droned on and on and on about something to do with Mercury. Peter put his head in his arms and was about to go to sleep when out of nowhere there was a thundering CRASH! Peter looked up and saw a creature standing before them with a massive gun in his hand. This gun had just blown a gaping hole in the side of his classroom. The creature was slimy dark green and his antenna that glowed like a little light. When the creature stood peter noticed that on his chest he was wearing a badge that read “Griply the chief Safanta.” Griply observed the stunned classroom and said to them in a low deep voice, “where is peter floppy” everybody in the room laughed except for Griply but even as peter looked he saw a small smirk on Griply’s face. Peter didn’t know how Griply had found out his last name “Floppy” but that didn’t stop peter from being amazed. “What do you want with me?” he asked in a shaky voice. “It is believed,” Griply said that you are the prophecy boy. Now come with me to the ship.” Then terrorists took control of the boat and blew up. while the boat was sinking every body gets killed except fo this red head boy named Marshal (the Prophecy). Then he fights to stay alive on the water. The next day he is on island with a bunch of ligers. But he has yet to learn that he has on a FBI mission to capture the ligers, and that he is on Guantamo Bay with Harold and Kumar, and stop the armies. Then he is running out of supplies so Marshal has to do something dramatic to stay alive. A ll of a sudden more terrorists came and Marshal kungfoo fighted fought  them better than Jakie Chan. Not one bullet touched him. Then backup came and now Marshal was surrounded but that didn't worry him because for some reason he was carring a gun, and everyone on the island died. Then all of the sudden a liger came up and killed Marshal. Then when he dies a new person will be the new prophecy.1 then jeopardys came out and marshel killed them al with his gun and the safants lived happily ever after ===== the end.

PEER REVIEW (Saint Michael)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? The story is pretty original. Please try to finish the story as you started it. It sounds like two different stories.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? There was a lot of action, but it doesn't make sense at end. No, the climax was not there. There doesn't seem to be a resolution because they all die. The end could be changed so that someone lives in the story.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The character of Peter is well done.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? In the beginning you used a nice amount of imagery.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? Don't rush your story. Try to end it with Peter as the main character. It would be nice if it had a happy ending.