TM-Nick

Hi my name is Nicholas I go to Timberlane regional middle school and I like to text my friends. Texting is sending messages over cell phones. My favorite class is Social studies. My favorite band is Bullet for My Valentine, My favorite song by them is waking the Demon. My favorite thing to do is play video games. My favorite video game is Zelda Twighlite princess. My favorite snacks are goldfish, and cheese it’s. I like to use computers and type. My three best friends are Ben, Derek, and my friend Seth. I like to run and used to do Cross country. My highest typing speed is 54 words a minute. Some of my other friends are John Lukas Cara, and Leeanne. And one of my oldest friends is Matt. And I am from America. Sincerely Nick

Once there were two boys named Jacob and Nick. Nick was tall and had long hair, Jacob had long hair two and was a bit shorter than Nick was. They lived in Manhattan, New York and were very interested in mutants. Their parents would always say they were obsessed, and they were. They even tried to turn their teacher there teacher into one she was short and spoke in a high pitched voice. but it was not long until the principal came and the experimemet ended abruptly.They had to come up with a fool proof way to turn someone into a mutant. All they had to do was trap somebody and use a lot of electricity and a potion made for turning people into a mutant. They had three people in mind, their sister, their pet, or their teacher. Now there was just one problem, who would be their best subject?

So they tried to trick there sisters but she caught on to quickly. There teachers gave them each a detention for trying to turn her into mutants in the school lab. Then they had there pets, there names were Dookie the dog and Mr. Hops a lot the bunny. Mr. Hops a lot became vicious and tried to kill them and Dookie learned to walk on two legs and then went crazy and ran away. Jacob sat down with a sad look on his face and then that sorrow turned to anger and he threw all there experiments into there potion table.

 Arising from that table came a tall man and he was strong then his hands turned to fists and he screamed. His hands then lit on fire and punched Nick in the stomach. Jacob screamed and started to run but the mutant was faster and hit Jacob too. They both woke up a couple of hours later with lots of pain. They both barely remembered what happened. They went home and decided to watch the news. There on the news was the mutant tearing down a huge building and out of nowhere Dookie charged out of nowhere and attacked the mutant, but then he flew out of sight and was gone. The next day, Jacob and Nick still weren’t feeling good so they stayed home from school.

Jacob stayed at nicks house for a while until they realized they smelt something odd it sort of smelt like the mutant. They searched the house leaving the basement, there was then only one place to look left the basement. The two boys slowly went down the stairs and in the corner they saw something move. They moved closer, and closer, and closer until the creature turned and attacked them. Jacob screamed loudly and Nick turned to run but were both captured by this Mutant. The mutant then broke open there sewer pipe and dragged them in. It dragged them for about an hour before they emerged on a hill that was off limits because the mutant had been spotted there. After two days of being trapped there they decided it was time to escape. They moved there arms and the rope broke they both gasped in amazement. They made there way slowly down the mutants tower to one of the platform rooms. Then the next flight of stairs was blocked by a gate. The mutant then came out laughing and attacked them. Nick immediately takled the mutant and ordered his friend to break open the gate. His friend did as Nick ordered and broke open the gate. Nick then told Jacob to get outside and collapse the tower. Jacob started running as Nick and the mutant fought for there lives. Just then the tower set on fire and started to collapse. Nick then knocked out the mutant and started to run down the steps. Jacob watched the tower then collapse on his friend.

Jacob then told the police what happened but they thought he was the mutant and sentenced him to death. There legacy still lives on for what they did that day and they were recently proven to be the heroes and did ifact stop the mutant. Nobody could belive that they had turned into mutants and were punished for saving the day. Young children heard about this story then and dicided the wanted to make mutants but they did not have the potion that Nick and Jacob had and just mixed householed cleaners. They thought it would not work but they were wrong a mutant came out, a small one but a mutant. They ran out of there houses and ran to the hill where the colappsed tower was and as the got closer there mutant would grow until the found a small sewer pipe to hide in.

They followed the sewer to a basement adn there was a table with gue on it and it smelt so bad. One of the kids figured out it was Jacobs and Nicks basement. There mutant found them there and attacked them they ended up getting dragged off and never seen again. People were angry now and mad about what had happend so Nick and Jacobs story was never told again.

  The End

** Questions for Peer Reviewers ** Edited by Samuelm BFIS
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? It's a typical Hollywood blockbuster.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? I like the idea of Mutants but I didn't quite get the part when the Mutants kidknapped the boys.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? I thought the kids were a bit strange about being obsessed about Mutants.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you // see // and // hear // and // experience // the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? More description about how they were so obsessed and maybe more example like more people

What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions to the author? I like the end of the story I like the story was never told again. Add despiction and details for the story.

aro) Hello, I know you're not my partner, but we can review other people's things, so, I thought of giving you a suggestion before you finish the story (if it's finished, you need to work a lot on it). You need descriptions, quite simple. You say things like lab or home or teacher or Nick and Jacob,... but never describe them. You need that with urgency. Fix these things, and try putting unfinished to the story to make it clear. With this fixes, it'll definitely be story worth living for (of course).

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

Kiri

There is a few of spellig mistakes. Some sentences dont make sence. THe descriptions are good. I like this story.