CI-Jordan

 

Hi my name is Mike i am in your group. I have never been to corolordo wha 1001 Flat Tales Project

My Name: Jordan Apodaca My Age: 13 My Hometown: Pueblo CO My Hobbies: Making things and playing sports My Favorites: Chicago style Pizza Other things you should know about me:

  One June morning the government was starting to make huge mistakes because of the recent assassination of their president. The people of this country were depressed and were trying to recover from the president. It was the last day of school for two boys named Jeff and Jacob. Jeff and Jacob just finished their first year of college and were now looking for a job to last them another 3 years of college. Jeff was taking classes in leadership because he wanted to be a leader for his country. Jacob was studying how people react to events and catastrophes. School just finished and they were walking home when they walked by a television store and saw that the news was showing a choice that the government made. This choice was that normal hard working people would have to pay almost twice the amount of taxes that they payed last year. This was done because after the assassination the country’s economy fell downhill. Jeff ad Jacob thought the government was wrong because last year they made a bunch of illegal laws legal. Jacob thought that the government was twisted because they weren’t letting new people work there. They were letting criminals get away with almost all the cries they commit. Jeff said there had to be something done about it even if it was something small like a speech. Since they were now on summer vacation and because Jeff’s cousin was the governor of their state, they decided to protests, strikes and any other things they could do to change the government. They spent almost all of June planning to do this. When it was the first day of July Jeff and Jacob  went to the capital of their state and asked the governor to help them. The governor agreed and said that he was going down to make a speech at the country’s capital for Independence Day and he asked if Jeff and Jacob wanted to go. Jeff and Jacob recited their speech all the way to the capital city. It was on, we need people who can lead us and make the right decisions. The next day almost all the governors from every state were in front of the capital and so were most of the government people and the president. After everyone spoke Jeff’s cousin the governor said that he had some guest speakers from his state and they had a speech about the poor government in this country. When Jeff and Jacob got up on the stage they were pretty nervous but they knew this had to be done. Everyone in the audience was amazed because they never had speakers this young. Jeff and Jacob started the speech by introducing themselves and talking about the problem. In the middle they said it was the governments fault. In the end they both said that the country needs new leadership and new people working in the government. After the speech everyone cheered and Jeff and Jacob were the happiest they’ve ever been. About an hour later the president asked Jeff and Jacob if they wanted to come to the capital and work in the government. Jeff and Jacob said yes and that changed their life for the better.  1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I think it is good but, you need to put more details. you spelled "and" wrong.
 * __My Story __**__ (Paste Here) __
 * Starting - March 29 (2009): **

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? You spelled "crimes" wrong and Jeff and Jacob are brother's right.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The characters are mad about the government decisions and want Jeff's cousin to make a difference.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see // and //hear // and //experience // the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I would say this is not happening at all but, we are in bad economic times.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? I think you should make your beginning more juicer.

Technical Details
1. Punctuation, grammar, word choice.
 * <span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Starting - April 19 (2009): **<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic','sans-serif';">

<span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: 'Century Gothic','sans-serif';">The Alien King's Decision
1. On the level of story-telling: if you were the King (or the aliens), would you allow this story-teller to live another day? If no,why not?
 * <span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Starting May 3 (2009): **<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic','sans-serif';">

2. Be specific, try not to merely write, " this was good", instead explain what was good about it and why.

3. Nominate "Hall of Fame" stories. <span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic','sans-serif'; text-decoration: none;"> t is it like? Well here where im at i still have lots of snow left