DM-Riley+H

 H ell o, my name is Riley. I'am 12 years old and i have brown hair with a tiny bit of blond highlights. I got braces last January and i can't wait to get them off! I'am very athletic, I play basketball, soccer , cross country and i'm going to be playing lacrosse in the spring. My favorite NHL team is the Boston Bruins and my favorite NCAA team is the North Carolina Tarheels .I have one sibling, his name is Symon, he is 1 year younger than me and he can be very annoying. Animals, i have 2 cats their names are Milkshake and Lizzie, they bug the tar out of each other. Milkshake is 6 years old and Lizzie is going to be turning 2 in the summer. Well thanks for reading my wiki, I would love to read yours (:

__"We Are In Danger!"__

"When will I die? How will I die?" These questions surrounded in my mind on one very atshonishing day, when my bestest friend told me her most darkest, deepest secret. Hello, My name is Zoey Hart and I'm 14 years old, I have light blonde hair and I'm sort of tall, I guess.This story took place in the most unlikely of places, in Brandon, Manitoba. It was March middle of the semester, at Gary Ford Middle School and unfortunately it was right infront of my house, near a very busy highway.

"Come on Zoey! We are going to be late!" shouted my most trusted friend, Jennifer Carrier. I've know her since first grade. She has the most beautiful smile I had ever seen! Well of course she had braces. She has light brown hair and is quite shorter than I am. We told each other everything, at least mostly everything. "Zoey, can I talk to you for a minute?" asked Jennifer.

"I thought you said we were going to be late?" I said very harshly. "Never mind about that, I've waited to long to tell you this . But, I'm and alien". What?! my best friend a alien. "This cannot be!" I annonced. "I know, and I recevied, I mean my parents recevied a message from our planet. They are going to take over the world" Jennifer whispered, so that nobody else could hear her, except for me. "We have to do something!" I said to her, over and over again this image ran through my mind. Finally it was last period, it felt like it was dragging on and on and on! But finally the bell rang and shockingly it scared me.

That night I kept telling myself that this could not be happening to me! .Beep, beep! My stupid alarm clock went of and as I was reaching out to get it I fell out of bed. My mom came walking in and yelled at me to get dressed and get my breakfast. As I walked down the stairs my head got surrounded with questions, what should I tell my parents? , would they tell me not to be friends with Jennifer anymore? This made my brain tired. I grabbed my book bag and headed out the door, as I left my house around it was 7:45 and it was still a little bit dark, but I didn't mind. On my way to school I saw this huge piece of land, that I never seen before, confused I just kept on walking. "Zoey, Zoey!" I heard a familiar voice coming from behind me, of course it was Jennifer. "Hey Jenn, how are you this morning?" I asked very kindly. "Not god at all!" she said in a unfamiliar voice. "What happened?". "Well, there here" she said. "Who" I stopped in mid sentence, thinking that I already new who it was. "What?!" I said in disbelief, "Zoey, we must do something! Now!" Jennifer said. "Okay, after school come over the my house and we can look over some ideas." The whole day went by, like a bullet shot out of a gun. Jennifer came over and we thought for ideas, then I came up with a brilliant idea. I called, my dads best friend. He was in the army, I knew he could help.

He said, of course, he will do the best he can! . The next was cloudy and very rainy. " Are they here yet?" I asked. "I think they are, you might want to turn around!" said Jennifer in a terrified voice. " I know that they are my kind, but I have to kill them. My family is the only nice alien family in the world!" she said in that very same kind of voice. "Let's do this. John!" I said. John was here, and of course the aliens. Both of them keep shooting each other and they eventually got tired. " I think we should leave earth isn't worth it anymore, see you later earthings" said the alien master.

"Thanks" I said very confused. I looked over at Jennifer, her mouth was hanging open. "Earth to Jennifer!" I said very sarcastically. " I'm good" said Jennifer, like she was in a trance. "It's finally over" I said in relief. "Your telling me" said Jennifer.

The next day we had to write a story about one of the most exciting days in our lives. "I know what I'm writing" I said to Jennifer in a funny way. "Same here, oh and Zoey never ever tell anybody that I am a alien!" she said. "I promise" I said in a very seriously voice. When school was finally over, and I arrived at home my mom asked how my week was, because my mom was away in New York for two weeks. "It was very interesting" I said smiling.


 * __ Riley- Notes by Matt __**

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see // and //hear // and //experience // the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?
 * Starting - March 29 (2009): **
 * __ The plot is pretty original. It is creative and doesn’t lack adventure. __**
 * __ The problem is listed many times the solution comes very quickly, maybe try to make the battle between the aliens and humans last a little longer. __**
 * __ It is obvious that the girls are best friends who are willing to tell each other anything, even if one of them is an alien. I suggest describing the girls in a little more detail, what they look like would be a good start. __**
 * __ You could try to describe the scenery, is the school near a prairie, forest, or highway? The day of the battle was described as a rainy day, maybe you could be more descriptive on the day that the story begins. __**
 * __ Just try to be more descriptive, otherwise, it was a good story. __**