VV+Kris

**Introduction:**
Hi my name is [|Kris] media type="custom" key="3629577" width="153" height="108"

**__ The Kid Who Made a Difference __** Draft 2 “I don’t want to go to school. The kids will call me names and me up!” Kallem screamed as his mom pulled him out of the door just as the school bus came. Eventually he was forced to get onto the bright neon yellow school bus because if he didn’t his mom threatened to take away his allowance. As he boarded the bus he took a seat at the front of the bus where no one was sitting because all of the kids were fighting over the back seat. As they got to the last bus stop before the school a kid with pitch black hair and an oversized hoody walked on the bus and sat beside Kallem. “Hello my name is Kaleb, what’s your name?” Kaleb asked Kallem. “My name is Kallem.” Kallem said his voice quivering.“Don’t worry I’m not one of them.” He whispered as he pointed to a group of boys wearing leather jackets and ripped jeans. “They are the ones you have to look out for because they are the school bullies.”

When Kallem and Kaleb walked off the bus onto the concrete school grounds the school bullies walked out and pushed Kallem to the ground with a laugh. “Hey newbie get out of our way!” The biggest of the bullies said with a smirk. “Ya get out of the boss’ way newbie.” The two other boys shouted and kicked Kallem in the shin and with that the three bullies left in a hurry when they saw the principal walking out of the front school door. Once Kallem got to his feet he walked through the front door into the enormous beige hallways with lots of other kids scurrying to class.

It was a very long and boring day for Kallem because first of all because he had all of the subjects that he hates plus he always had to watch where he was going because the bullies could be anywhere waiting for him. The bullies managed to find him once and when they did they stuffed him in a locker but thankfully Kaleb was watching them from behind his lockerso he got Kallem out. Once Kallem got on to the bright yellow bus to go home he sat in the front with Kaleb and they talked about how they wished the bullies would just stop being well bullies. Just as Kaleb was about to leave Kallem whispered this into his ear. “Tomorrow I’m going to make a difference you’ll see.” “You keep telling yourself that, the last person that tried to make a difference got pummeled so hard he didn’t know up from down.” Kaleb said in a hush voice.

The next day Kallem got onto the bus and sat in his usual spot and once he got off the bus he went up and did exactly what he said he would do. He said in his normal voice. “Why are you guys picking on people who can’t defend them self, do you just enjoy making people miserable or are you just a big bunch wimps who think that without power they are nothing. No! I will tell you what you are you guys just think that you are the most respected people in school because everyone is afraid of you. They don’t even like you, most of them wish you never came to this school!” The bullies just backed up and ran away and so Kallem was a hero to almost all of the kids in the school and the bullies went back to being average kids.

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 * Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.) 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I think the plot is original but you could have made your story longer and had a thicker plot, maybe you could have had more problems with the bullies. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? The only action is the main bully pushing down Kallem and then the next day he stops the bully. There should be a lot more. 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? I think Kallem is more realistic than Kaleb because he has realistic problems. 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you see and hear and experience the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? The story gives good description in some parts but no description in other parts. Give better Descriptions when you write it next. 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? What do you mean by “how do you like them apples”? **=====