TM-Ben

Hi my name is Benjamin Henry Dupont and I go to TRMS. I like to do a bunch off stuff like ride my dirt bike, txt on my cell phone, skiing and snowboarding, shoot my gun, ride my BMX bike, hang out with my friends, and play sports like baseball. I am 12 years old and live in Sandown witch is in the northeast part of the United States of America. My favorite song is let it rock by Kevin Rudolph and Little Wayne. My best friends are Jordan, Chris, Nick, and Derek. I also play my play station 3 and love to listen to music on my iPod. I have 3 dogs 2 horses and 2 turtles.

Sincerely Ben Dupont

Sandwich

Plaistow is a quiet town. Nothing that shocking or interesting ever happens. The town has some very nice neighborhoods, but nothing like the houses in nearby towns though. One family has some very, very, very rich cousins. The cousins already had a huge house and pool, and the father was retired! The cousins still had enough money to buy a vacation house in Sandwich. Few people had heard about Sandwich, because it was a small, sleepy town in the Northern part of New Hampshire. These people still stayed there and invited their cousins from Plaistow up one wet summer. These cousins were Cady (oldest), Steven, Sammy, and Ruby (youngest). The Plaistow cousins were Jake and Isaac, Steven was the same age as Jake and Isaac was younger then Sammy by a year. Also the parents of Cady, Steven, Sammy, and Ruby were there.

The night Jake and his brother arrived it was windy and raining in sheets! The cousins welcomed Jake and Isaac, they settled down in front of a movie. The cousins dog Asta was going crazy because the movie had the noise of dogs and they had surround sound stereos. Jake and Steven didn’t watch the movie, instead they texted each other, drew, or bugged Cady. When the movie was over Steven and Jake went downstairs and played there Wii. Isaac went upstairs with Sammy and Ruby to go to bed, and Cady went downstairs to read her favorite book. The Adults stayed on the couch and watched the TV. Eventually Cady got bored and said they should go to bed, Steven and Jake agreed, so they unrolled the inflatable mattresses and sleeping bags and went to bed.

Steven and Jake woke Cady up early to play in the early morning mist. Before they went out though, they got dressed and ate some toast. Nobody was awake yet so it was quiet in the house. Cady looked out the window and gasped, the rain hadn’t stopped, it was still raining as hard as it was last night!

“I guess we won’t be going out side. . . “Cady said. “Why not?” Jake asked.

“It’s still raining, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to stop soon.” Steven commented.

When Steven’s mother woke up, she started making eggs. Steven and Jake took some gallon Buckets and set them on the Deck. They wanted to see how much water fell. Soon breakfast was ready and a boring day inside began.

Since Sandwich was in the middle-of-nowhere they didn’t get very good TV service. Instead they watched movies or recordings from their normal home in Massachusetts. Unfortunately, the TV quickly got boring, and after a lunch of pickles and sandwiches, Steven and Jake went downstairs into the basement where the Wii, computer, basketball game, dart board, smaller TV, over stuffed couches, board games, and some toys. Steven played the computer and Jake played Mario Cart with Cady, on the Wii. Isaac and Sammy played a bored game while Ruby took a nap. Suddenly Steven yelled “The rain! It stopped! C’mon let’s go out side!”

Quickly all 6 kids put on their shoes and coats and rushed through the sliding door in the basement. AS soon as they went outside the little kids started playing in the puddles. Cady, Steven, and Jake searches for areas where lighting struck.

Suddenly Cady realized something; the rain had stopped to fast. It had stopped within 5 seconds. That means. . . ..

“You guys! Get inside now! It’s about to start up again! Get in! “She screamed.

Steven and Jake didn’t move. They stared at her, un-blinking. Then they started //laughing//.

Cady was infuriated, and then it happened, **BOOM**! The storm had started up again!

“Get inside! I’ll grab the little kids!” yelled Cady.

Obediently Jake and Steven ran to cover, while Cady ran towards the little kids. Suddenly a flash of lighting struck a huge pine tree; Cady saw it but didn’t stop running. She sprinted under the tree two seconds before the tree crushed; the shock threw her off balance and into the mud. Splinters and dirt and mud flew all around her. She got up though, and ran as hard as her sore limbs could. Isaac meanwhile was running with Sammy to the porch. //Wait a minute//, Cady thought, //where’s Ruby?//

Ruby was screaming, while running around in confused circles, right near the tire swing. The swing was swinging around in random circles. Suddenly a burst of lighting struck maybe 3 feet from Ruby! Cady ran with the little energy she had left. She picked up Ruby just before the tire swing broke off and land in the mud and debris from the fallen tree. As it landed it sent a maelstrom of shrapnel out in every direction. Cady was hit several times, but the debris that hit her was small and fragile so she ignored it. Quickly and nimbly Cady jumped the fallen tree, and sprinted to the porch. All six of them stood there, breathing heavily, they were dirty, tired, and the little kids were scared.

The mother opened the door; she was smiling with a worried look in her eyes, but was happy they were okay. All six then took showers, put on their pajamas, and sat on the couch. For the next 3 hours they watched TV. Even though none of them were paying attention to it. They were only thinking about what had just happened to them.

Steven, Jake, and Cady texted all of their friends what had just happened. While Sammy and Ruby dressed Isaac up like a girl. Steven and Jake got bored of texting so they put a DVD into the basement TV, and Cady came down to watch it with them. Around 10:00 Cady grabbed some drinks and snacks and at about 11:45 the kids went to bed.

Early in the morning the boys woke up and watched the TV upstairs. Cady woke up two minutes and helped Jake with his comic on the adventures of him and his cousins. So since Cady was also interested in art (and just good as Jake) and was one of his cousins she helped him draw or write while Steven tossed out random ideas. Soon Jake and Cady had created a five page comic with another two half-way finished. By the time breakfast was started and eaten they had finished six other five page comics.

Before going out side all of the kids got dressed, brushed their teeth, and grabbed shovels, rakes, and other gardening tools. They grabbed these tools because using the fallen tree and other recourses they were going to build a fort.

The father was already outside working on cleaning up the yard. Once the kids came out he asked the older 3 to help him cut down a couple of old and fallen trees.

Steven asked, “What’s in it for us?”

His Dad responded, “Character, allowance, and you can use the logs for anything you want.”

Immediately the kids started picking up sticks and branches. They pushed up-turned dirt back down and helped push fallen trees away from the house. They cleaned branches and other debris from the roof. Eventually, the yard was clean (except for the mud holes) and the roof was clear.

Now Cady and Jake pulled the logs to the clearing in the woods where the fort was being built, while Steven collected small branches and leaves for the roof and camouflage. The little kids were collecting twigs and mud to stick the logs together. Cady and Steven’s father came out later and helped them lift the logs. He brought a wagon and saw to help move and shape the logs. At around 2:00 everyone came inside for lunch. After lunch the mother took everyone to the lake to swim while her husband stayed at home working.

The lake was big, but not very deep. There were two lifeguards there and numerous kids and adults. First the little kids went crazy and threw rocks at the lake, but eventually went swimming. The big kids though built a large water way surrounding an __awesome__ sand castle. When they got hot they raced to the dock in the middle of the lake. The little kids were already there and were jumping on and off repeatedly. Once the older kids clambered up they challenge the little kids to a splash contest. Cady and Jake tied for 1st while Steven was 2nd, Sammy was 3rd, Isaac was 4th, and Ruby wasn’t out there.

Around 4:30 everyone left the beach because the life guards were leaving. When they got home Steven and Jake chose a movie, Cady helped cook and the little kids took their showers. When the little kids were done they helped set the table and the older three took their showers. Dinner was roast beef hamburgers and ice cream sundaes. After the little kids went to bed the adults and big kids watched the __Matrix__. When the __Matrix__ was over Steven, Jake, and Cady went downstairs and crawled into bed. They all went into bed innocently, but the next morning something would change.

When they woke up something was wrong. they were happy, and felt if they were floating. "Oh MY GOD" yelled Cady.

She was looking threough a hole in a cloud. //Wait a minute// thought jake //why was she looking through a cloud?// Then he realized it, Cady was looking down from heaven at a burning house. //I'm dead. . . .// he realized. He looked around and saw other people,including Steven. Steven ran over and said " Sucks "It sucks that we are dead but this place is awsome!" All Jake could realize was that he was dead, and so were his cousins "Time to start a new life" he said to himself. And walked off, with his cousins next to him, ready to do something of minimal importance.

EDITED BY: SIMEO BFIS

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I have to say it is very creative but its kind of boring how you have writed. I suggest to put some more action in the story or more adventures in the story.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? I found really interesting that the characters were bored because it was raining, i could picture how bored they were. But I think you should descrive them more how they look like and how they are in the inside.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?I think you described them good but from their inside you didn't.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?I think the story is really imaginative but maybe if you could add a little more details.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? At the end of the story you should add more details because is hard to understand.

Good story but you have to work on it a tiny bit

edited by: BFis kristen

** Questions for Peer Reviewers **
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I think the plot the is not so original, but it is very creative. I would be a bit more specific and include more details fro the descriptions. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? I don´t really understand the plot. they run outside and lighting strikes, there is not enough tension to really get the readers attention.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The characters are enjoyabler, but I dont you need more descriptions about the characters.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you // see // and // hear // and // experience // the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I really could image some situations. st improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? I would add more description. write more details.