TM-Izzy



**// Do you have any collections, or have any pets? //** **// Hope to be your friend, //**
 * // My Name is Isabella, but most of my friends and teachers call me Izzy. As you can see my favorite color is blue, but I also like pink and green. I love animals especially giraffes! I’ve been collecting them for years, and I have over 350! I have two dogs, two cats, about 12 chickens, and my sister has a bearded dragon. //**
 * // I got one of my dogs last May at the MCPCA. It’s like an animal shelter, and when we adopted Tony, whose original name was Gus Gus, he was about 20 pounds. Now he’s almost 1 year old and weighs about 65! He is a lot of gun and is adorable. He is a German shepherd beagle mix. Also, one of my cat’s names is Spazz. He wasn’t ours at first, he was a stray and kept coming to our house for food, after a while we brought him in and he was officially ours. I’ve always wanted a Great Dane, Boxer, German shepherd, and/or Rottweiler as a pet. //**
 * // My best friends are Joan, Teaghan, and Gianna. They are so cool and I can trust them with almost anything. My school is really safe and tries to be really respectful. The sports I play are softball, basketball, and field hockey. They are all really fun and I hope to play them for a long time. //**
 * // My favorite TV shows are, Monster quest and George Lopez. My favorite songs are Viva La viva; we didn’t start the fire, our song, love Song, and Shake it. //**
 * //J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J                                   //**
 * // Izzy //****//J J J J J J J J J        //**

__UNDER __  UNDER was the place to be if you were afraid of anything above the surface. It is a small city below ground that used to be a mineshaft. Harry, the person who started the city, cleared everything out when he first discovered it in seventh grade. From then on, Harry was the judge of who came in based on who needed to be there the most. There was this one family that he remembered as if they just moved in yesterday. It was a family of five, Molly and Derek where the parents who had three impeccable children; their names were Brook, Caren, and Jake. Brook and Caren were fraternal twins. They had just turned eleven. Jake was nine, and followed them everywhere, because he was curious, but mainly because he didn’t have any friends. When they moved in, it was a normal day for Harry who wasn’t expecting anything from this family other than them feeling safe. The first day was normal, they were getting situated and everyone else talking. Brook and Caren wanted to go explore, and of course Jake followed them. They were just minding their own business, when a man walked in front of a door that they were walking towards. He told them to never go in the room, or it would change their lives forever! Then he walked a few feet away, turned in their direction, and stared at them. They were now asking nonstop questions in their mind, wondering what was in there, and why and how it would change their lives forever. When they went back, their mom was unpacking. They had their own little area of space that they could call their home. After they ate, Brook asked if they could go meet their new friend. When their mom said yes, they immediately went back to the door that the man said never to go in. When they got their, Brook and Caren slowly opened the door waiting for something terrible to happen, but at the same time they were exited. The door was fully open and nothing happened. Brook walked in first. They both were really surprised at what the man said, because all that was in that closet was nothing, absolutely nothing. They did immediately realize that the closet was freakishly small. It was as big as two regular sized couches put together, times two. Since there was nothing that interested them in there, they walked out, closed the door, and tried to find the man who told them never to go in there, because it didn’t seem like a big deal to them. About 12 minutes later, they found him telling a story to what looked like his daughter, or a young lady about twenty five years old. It appeared that he was warning her not to go in the closet, just like he said to them. She curiously asked why, like they would have done if they weren’t overwhelmed. He said that he would tell her tomorrow night, and to bring what ever makes her comfortable, because it’s the antithesis of a pretty story, that has a happy ending. By then, Jake was back in their area, not crying, but scared of what his sisters got into and what story the man is going to tell. Caren and Brook waited for the next night to come. Although, they were scared, they were tinatious to hear the rest of the story. The next night came when Brook lied again, asking her mom if she could go see her friend. When they saw the old man and the young lady, it didn’t seem like they started talking about it yet; so Brook and Caren hid behind the pole, which luckily was right behind them. When the man started the story, he started in creepy voice. “I know that it will seem tempting to find out what is in the closet, but you must never go in! Now this is what happened to me when I first came here at age 12. Right after someone told me not to go in, sure enough I did. The first time I went in nothing interesting happened. I felt like it was a joke, like nothing was true. A couple nights after that I was thinking that I might have missed something, maybe there was a secret knob or something that opened a door. Then I started thinking that the man that told me to stay out was hogging it, and not letting anyone else touch it. The next night I went back and it was the worst minute of my life, I will never forget those dreadful sixty seconds of misery. I walked in exited as ever, I didn’t know what to expect. When I first walked in, it seemed like a regular small closet with no knobs or trap doors. Suddenly I saw a man. It looked like he was poor, alone, and needed help. I didn’t know how he got in, but he looked real, then I looked at the ground because my feet felt wet. It wasn’t overflowing, but it was about a centimeter high. I tried to imagine it being tomato juice, but it wasn’t. It was blood! When I looked back up at the man, he was gone. I looked down. No blood. I fainted right there on the floor. I woke up to someone whispering. They were talking to me, saying that I was theirs now; that I wasn’t my own master. I opened my eyes and right in front of my face was the same man that I saw in the room!

EDITED BY ZOE...BFIS

 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

Yes, I think the plot is original, although I think the story should be longer, like, maybe the guy finds out that they went in the closet and says they will be punished and stuff like that. Anyway, i think the plot is interesting although it's like one of those scary stories you read on Halloween or something and you freak out and then you can't sleep... well you get the point.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

There are no real problems although I think the story is interesting.I like the way it ends, although you should add some problems, like I said, you know, the guy says they have to be punished and whatever. Or maybe they should find the same man in the closet...I don't know, whatever you think is best. ANYWAY...ADD PROBLEMS!!!!!!!! :-)

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

The characters need more personality. You should add more dialogue and add descriptions of the characters. I am not saying you have to say that Caren had glossy black hair that looked like a sea of coal and blue eyes the looked like the ocean, I mean you can say like, Caren was absolutely obnoxious and she was always nagging at the others.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

I think it-s fine, because sometimes in stories, the descriptions are reaaaallyyyyy loooong and bore you to death. i think you could add more descriptions of everything but don-t make it SUPER LOOOOOONG or else people might fall asleep hearingf about how the walls looked like they had incrusted rubbery stuff that looked like tires. Y'know what I mean...

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

The characters need more personality and you should add more problems. Other than that, I am happy with your story. Good job. Ugghhhh that sounded like... well i don't know, but not like the usual me.

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?