HA-Stephanie

Grade:6 best holiday ever: Mount gambier career goal: Vet Favorite singer: Can't Choose Favorite lollie: War heads Favorite Food: Nannys cooking favorite snack: Honey soy and chicken chips Favorite Soft drink: Fanta Favorite subject: Science Hobbies/sports: Netball Pet peeve: Pets: Mack, Boss, Sid, Mary and Stew "Mum I’ve got to write a story or the Alien king will wipe out the whole planet" said Martha "Really, well you can stay home i'll just have to go shopping without you" "OK alien king this is my story"

"GROUNDED" screamed katara and maddy's mum as they walked up to there room. "Why are we grounded, i mean it was all Connie petersons falut. I mean she was the one who smashed the dinsons window"Said Maddy.

"What are we going to do for the next week" said Katara angrily I mean "I've got an idea, lets go and hide under my bed" said Maddy "Ok"said Katara

"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" they both screamed as as they fell on to a hard rocky surface

"Where are we Kat" "i dono Mad"

"Hi, I'm Cardy and i'm a subject from the year 3000" said the strange this who was standing close "Wow were in the year 3000, i'm going to stay here forever"said Katara

"Katara, big scary monster to the leftsreamed Maddy "AAhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" "Wake up Katara its just a bad dream, lets go get some breakfast" said Maddy "Ok" said Maddy

"That Breakfast was so good" Said Maddy "Oh what a food critic you are" said Katara "Lets just go to school"said Maddy "Ok" said Katara

"Time for your presontations, Alex and Katie you go first" said Mrs Peterson "We-e-e- did a-a-a" said Alex who wasen't a very good speaker "This is sŏ boring" shouted So far i like your prolouge but i would write more before its to be continued.

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? Yes it is original but I don't understand it! Make it more detailed and less confusing. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? You could add more suspense, tension, and interest. You cold make it more longer. In the part where it says, ...shopping without you! then you go and say ok alien this is my story... that part is very very very very confusing Stephanie. 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The characters are very messy. You should have to describe more, and add details. I think there are too many main characters. 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I would like to see more detail and a better resolved conflict. I want to see more clearly the descriptions. I think that's it.... Oh! and add more to your story. 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? I think that you should add more detail on the part where it says: "GROUNDED" why are they grounded? explain more. Make it longer Cata