BF-Julia

Me: Norway:  Hi, my name is Júlia Martínez Aragay. I am going to tell you a bit about me: I am Spanish, Catalan although I have lived most of my life in Bergen, Norway. I am now living in Barcelona, Spain. I am an only child. I go to Benjamin Franklin International School. I am now 11 years old. My birthday is the 1 of November. I have a cat called Spotty. My favorite hobbies are ice-skating, playing the piano, skateboarding and swimming. I love all types of sports. But in my free time I like to read (I recomend the book: Alone on a wide, wide sea). I love animals, specialy cats. My favorite food is pasta. I really like being outside, I love climbing trees. __//**My story**//__

There, Kriss was packing up for her summer school. How she hated this time of the year! She had always tried to tell her own mother thet there was no need for this school. Her mother never said anything about this comment. All dreamy, kriss didn't hear her mom calling her. "Kriss! Do you hear me?!" Kriss's mother, Sina, said. "Yes?" Kriss replied. "Come on, kriss, you are going to be late for the boat to go to the summer school" "Mooooomm! I hate that boarding school, can't you send me somewere else?" "You know I can't! And we have also talked over this lots of times!" Sina dragged Kriss out of the room, with her luggage. Her dad was allready wating by car. When Kriss arrived to the boat there were allready a group of people wating to get on the boat. As allways Kriss remembered every person, there. At the very moment Kriss and her father had token the luggage out of the car, some people called for everyone to get on the boat. Her dad and her said bye to each other and I got on the boat. Kriss had walked around the whole boat about five times before she got to the boarding school. She had seen all the people and as I said she had reconized everyone less one. The new person was a girl she was alongside a boy about the same age. They seamed to be brother and sister, and indeed they were. Kriss had noticed something unique in that girl. When they got to the boarding school they were asined bedrooms. Kriss was asined a bedroom with some one named Sean. When Kriss got to the door of her room she saw the new girl getting into the room. Kriss entered after her. They both started to unpack her luggage. Kriss was desiring to know how the new girl was but wasn't sure whether to start to talk to her or not to. After some time Kriss couldn't hold herself longer and asked: "Is your name Sean?" "Yes" said the new girl and added joking, "And is your's Kriss?" "Was the boy next to you on the boat your brother?" Kriss asked "Yes." "What is his name?" "Seamus." The two girls got so into the conversation that they didn't realize that the time passed so fast. Suddenly a bell rang. "That meansthat we have to go the supper." Kriss said "Oh, I forgot eat all the food they give you, of not you will be beaten up." "Thanks for telling me!" Sean replied. Both girls started to walk with all the others towards the kitchen. As they walked they could hear the other people whispering about them. "Kriss, kiss, she allways kisses, the kiss, Kriss!" Some one said. Kriss emediatly knew how had said that. It was allways the same girls. Kriss ignored them alltough they repited it, every time with more people. By the time they had arived at the kitchen they had repited it more than twenty times. The food from the first day allready looked nasty. Kriss couldn't even think about how horrible the rest of the days would be. No one dared say anything, but surprisingli a girl dropped part of the porige on another person, wich they figured out was a teacher. The teacher screamed at her a feau times and then took out her mini wip and wipped the girl three times. Sean found this very unfair. She wanted to complain, but Kriss held her back. Sean couldn't helpit and said: "Its unfair we should be allowed to chose the food we eat!" "Well lets see, are you the new girl, Sean? Well, well, you are going to make your oun food for a whole week. Anybody want to join in?" The teacher said. "Me." Kriis said solemnly. Day's passed Kriss and Sean made their lunch every day. It started to get borring. It WAS borring since the first day of school! Any way, Every day the students would gather up and discuss. One day all the students came to the conclussion, to escape. Later that day every one went to there rooms to pack-up secretly. At night all the students gathered up on the patio. When the were gathered up they talked about what the needed for the escape. They needed: A map of the world, which they got out of the world history room, food, that they got from the kitchen, blankets from the rooms, and lastly three or four medium sized boats. After an hour of gathering stuff the set sail. The journy took many weeks. Lot's of kids died and lot's lost hope. Some were brave but then one day every one lost hope, the only thing was that that same day the were able to find land.

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? you have an orginal plot, i like it. its not very orginal, but you i think you could make it more uniqe.


 * nice job the setout was great, the story was kinda original.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? i cant wait til you write more. 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? I think you could discribe Kriss more, and her family and friends.
 * There was alot of action which was good, the summer school was a great idea.


 * The characters was very enjoyable and life-like, who likes summerschool!

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you // see // and // hear // and // experience // the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I could sorta picture this in my head, but it could be better.
 * The details was great i could picture it in my head.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? you could make it more like a story. right now its almost liek a play because its ALL TALKING!
 * yeah at the moment you got to add less talking.