TM-Jake

Hello my name is Jake Durkin I am a 12 year old boy and I like football and wrestling. I like cars I hope to drive a Ferrari 430. I like all my friends one of my best friends is Cam. My friends all think am funny I can sing Brittany Spears vey well. I have a brother named Jared and he is funny. My life is mostly absorbed by sports, cars, music, my friends and a little school, don’t take me wrong I take my studies seriously but I really love to have fun. I like listening to T.I. and Brittany Spears. My parents say that if I learned my lessons as well as I learned my songs I would be a genius. So now you know all about Jake Durkin.

Yours truly, Jake Durkin

Abduction It was one sunny afternoon. Karoline Shea was walking home from softball practice. Then she noticed that a car was following her. The car stopped, then she looked, there was no one in it. When she started to walk forward, a man grabbed her. Later on her parents got worried and called some of her friends. No one knew where she was. The next day they still had no leads. Some kid named Jake Altobelli likes her a lot. So he goes looking for clues. He found a piece of hair near the abduction site. Luckily his friend Cam Durkin has a DNA sample test. When he tested it, it was defiantly Karoline Shea’s. They looked further into the investigation. With a microscope they found a piece of skin on the fence. This skin belonged to Nick Kosman. They told the cops and the cops didn’t believe them. They had to get more proof. So they went to this guy’s house. They climbed up in a tree. Then they saw Karoline. Screaming, tied up to a chair with a 500 pound weight. They took a picture then saw the man look at them. The man yelled at them. They ran, but on the way down they dropped the camera and lost all the pictures. Now they had no proof. All they could do was plot a new plan. They have to go in heavy duty. Luckily, Cams dad made air soft guns and Cam had a bunch of them. This was good. They were going to attack Jake. Jake had an Uzi and Cam had a M16 sub machine gun with a silencer. Now they were equipped. All they had to do was make a plan. There dads did not approve of this. They didn’t care. They were going in on Thursday at 12 A.M. This was going to happen; all they had to do was sneak out. This is going to be hard. This is only in two nights. They needed to train. It was going to be hard with school in the way. Today was the day they were going to skip school to rescue of Karoline. They were texting each other to meet up near the house. The coast was clear now they had to go in. The man was at work. Now they could go get her. They climbed up in the tree, and snuck into the house. They saw Karoline. Then they rescued her. The next day they got in trouble with there parents. They only got in trouble for skipping school. They got rewarded 30,000 dollars for saving Karoline. The man went to jail for 10 years. They were now known for saving Karoline.

The End

edited by: Anna De Tord

** Questions for Peer Reviewers **
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? This plot are creative and original but it looks pretty much to C.S.I., BUT instead of that it is good.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? There are parts that the character sufers but you know nothing is going to happen because all the story is correct nothing bad happens. i thou ght the boys were a little bit weird because they both have weapons and they think they are from the C.S.I.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The story doesn't have any type of dialog and they don't really introduce the characters the story starts and doesn't tell you anything about what they do or about their life.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you // see // and // hear // and // experience // the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I think this story has lotsa of imagination and I would like to see how the caracters are and to be a little bit longer and with more detail because they only have one clue and they already know who they are.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? You should look for a little bit of puntuation and grammer but the rest is not that bad, only for those details I told you before.

Georgia: 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?
 * **It was a very original plot!**
 * **Maybe at the start when she but kidnapped you could have added a bit more suspense!**
 * **The characters aren't really life-like but that's what makes the characters interesting.**
 * **The story has a lot of imagination through it! You have a good imagination. You could tell us a bit more about the characters.**
 * **Add some more tension and tell us about the characters.**