BF-Merel


 * Hey, I'm Merel. I'm half Dutch and half English, but I lived in England for about 8 years and was born there (Oxford). I'm twelve years old. I have 2 sisters and a brother and I'm the youngest so it does get very annoying at times, even though I only live with my mother and sister. My father comes most weekends. I love skiing and dancing hip hop, and this year I started horse-back riding! I do stand out a little more than my class mates at times because I have long, strawberry-blonde hair. I think you will see a picture of me at some point!!! My favorite colors are blue and lime green! One of my good friends is Isabel, she is really funnybut can be super weird at times!! I love summer and snow! Even though I am quite a sporty person, because I love to water-ski as well and do banana boating, I love fashion (im like a shopaholic) and am quite out going. **

"I'M A REAL WILD CHILD "
Hehe, LOL!!!

Bye -xxx

**My Story: The Golden Box on The Cruise**

As the crowded group of people got on the cruise, Martha Jones was preparing some crusial materials that she will need farther on in the the cruise. She was not exactly here to have a pleasant and fun holiday, but to become wealthy instead. Only, little did she know, she wasn't the only person here that was planning to become the exact same(wealthy). The cruise was a little longer than one week, which was fine seeing they were in Cuba. The other person who was also planning to win riches beyond mention was David Tennant. As they boarded the boat, they both got a glimpse of each other. They both thought that they were attractive and good looking, but they had to concentrate on their main focus. That evening, at dinner they both saw each other again, they were both sitting on their own until David decided to introduce himself: "Hi there" he said "I'm David, David Tennant" "Hi, I'm Martha,........Jones" she said looking at him. Quickly David called the waiter and took two glasses of wine of the tray, "Thank you" said Martha, "You're more than welcome", said David pleasantly. As it got later, they both got talking and seemed to like each other. They both asked each other questions, sometimes one or the other had to lie though, because you see, they are both after this golden box, they don't know much about it except that it is worth quite a lot. The next day they both decided to meet each other at the pool. The cruise was for about a week so they didn't have to look for the box immediately. They talked together, they ate lunch together, they spent the afternoon together and they had dinner together. That night they both kissed at dinner, and went back to their own rooms. The next day they decided to do the exact same, only that night David asked Martha into his room and ................................................................................. The next day, Martha wanted to start looking for the box, only David wanted to spend more time together, he didn't understand why she didn't want to see him today though, they more or less loved each, and he knew it sounded weird to be able to fall in love in such a short time but it was true, and besides there wasn't much else to do on the cruise, so what was she going to do he thought. Remember he doesn't know that he is the only one looking for the box. Only Martha thought it would be best if she left him, she had to concentrate and she would probably never see him again after the cruise although she was sad, she had to do what she had to do. In the end David decided to follow her. They were heading to the bottom floor of the boat, then Martha took a piece of paper out of her pocket with directions. it looked exactly like the paper David had in his pocket with directions on it as well. He took it out of his pocket to see if they were the same, only Martha heard him and saw his sheet of paper. "Looks like we're here for the same thing" said Martha. " We have more in common then we thought" said David, "I guess" Martha said confident, "only that box is mine", Martha said angry, "why did you follow me?". " You left me no choice, I love you, and even though you haven't said it, I know you love me too, so it's a little strange if you just walk away, don't you think?" David said in a sweet but confident voice. " Well I have to concentrate, and I'm gonna warn you again, that box is mine", Martha said. " Not if i get it first" David said " Do you even know how much that box is worth?", Martha said, sounding smart. " Yes, thank you very much" David said sounding even smarter. " Shame you're not going to get it then", Martha said as she started to run. Quickly David started to run after her, wanting the box more than ever now. When David started to catch up with Martha, Martha started a fight with him, and kicked him. They both stopped running to fight. They were both strong and fast, they punched, they kicked, they slide, and they even did somersaults. After a while, they both ended up pointing a gun at each other, they were staring directly into each other's eyes. Only after a few seconds David puts the gun down, and says, " I can't do it" 'Wimp" martha said directly after. "I guess I just fell in love for real this time" David said in a loving, caring and sweet voice. Then, all of a sudden, Martha's face expression changes. She puts the gun down, and says, "Let's do this together!", and then they both kiss. After kissing, they continue searching for the golden box. When they get there, there is a huge door, " The box is right behind there", Said David with a big smile on his face. Martha smiles back. Only then they hear guns trigger behind them. " Well done" said the main man of the group, "you know, people have been looking for this box for decades, and to see you found it without any difficulty is really amazing, shame I'm going to have to kill you now though" he said with a big grin on his face. " RUN" Martha suddenly shouts and they run to the door, open it and get the box. Then they start to run to the back of the boat, while the other men shoot at them from behind, but with the guns, the men are a lot slower. Then Martha sees a sort of big trunk, so she opens it, so that they can hide in it, but then she sees two jet skies! " I've got an idea!" Martha then says looking at David with a big smile on her face. So in the end, David and Martha escaped on jet skies with the box. No one really knows what happened to them after that, which was a shame, but not for David and Martha. You see, David and Martha both worked as secret agents and their plan was to get the box before the bad guys did and then it would be put in a museum but for now, all we know is that in the end they both changed their names and everything, and probably went to live somewhere nice, and we are guessing with the box and all that money, they had a good and happy life.

THE END

I really liked it!!! it was interesting!! it made me wont to read more!! Gracehawk!! corrected by kayla(: . 1.Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? It is very original and i really like your story. Its really intresting and gives a lot of great detail. good work (:

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? The problems that the characters face are very intresting but, i think that maybe that it could be just a teency weency little bit more suspence.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The characters are very life-like. I could deffinetly see people in the real world facing this problem. The characters description is well discriptive (:

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I deffinetly could hear and see the experiance of your story. The details that I would like to see in the next revision of the story is just telling more about what happend to Martha and David.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? The area that needs the most improvement is the beggining like how they met i think that could just be a little bit more descriptive and then it would be perfect(:

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