BF-Nilesh

Hi my name is Nilesh. I come from india, but I live in Barcelona. I am a big fanatic of Disney chann el. . I adore to eat sushi, nachos, and spanish food. My hobbies are drawing. In my spare time i like to watch tv, my favoite serie is the suite life on deck. My most favourite videogame is sims. I wear very cool glasses they are sha`ped as a triangle. I go to Benjamin franklin School. My favorite class is English because im really good at it.

ANOTHER MURDER STORY Hi my name is Tom i am a inspector. My partner Sam helps me wit my inspection he is quite tall he never smiles. He has dark chocolate eyes. I was heading to the Jonsons manor. I took my rusty old car and me and Sam headed to Cambrigge street. A murder I rang the door. A young lad opened it she had crystal eyes with drops of sparkling water racing down. I had come here for only one reason, to solve Mr.Jonsons murder. When i enterd the door it seemed as if I was in heaven. In the wall there was painting of angels with a big chandelier so shiny and bright that i was nearly blind. In front of my eyes i saw a soft red velvet sofa fit for a king. My partner Inspector Sam, he also introduced himself. All the family memebers were sitting in the sofa. We asked all the family memebers were were they the day of the murder. The only person in the house was the maid melissa. She told that she was cleaning the plate,then she heard a noise, it was more like a scream. She went up and saw a dead body. I decided to go up and see the body. When we entered the room we saw a dead body surrounded with a puddle of bright red blood. I saw something weird in his hand i bent down to see what it was, it looked like ink. I thought to myself why would a rich man have ink in his hand. I got it, the murderer must have wanted MR. jhonsons to sign the will, so he must have but then he must have killed him and escaped. Now the jonsons fortune now belongs to the murderer. I saw a pen lying on the floor. I took it and put it in a bag. I sent for dna sacanning. While I was doing all this Inspector Sam was doing nothing he is so unhelpfull. I went to the lab to test to drop the pen. Then i nwent home to sleep. The nexty morning i had panckakes with blueberrys accompanied with maple syrup. When a finished I went down Sam was wqiting downstairs with his brand new Rolls Royce, it was a very posh car it was gold wit red velvet seats with silk pillows. I thought how could he afford such a car. I asked him asnd he said he had won tyhe lottery of 2 million pounds. We reached the jonsons place. We searched the house for clues iu went to the basment for clues. While sam was having earl grey tea. While i was in the basment i saw dead spiders next to giant dunes of dust.Ther were wodden boxes wich werent open since years only one looked brand new. I opened one and inside there was a thompson gun. I took it and and piut in a bag. I went upstairs and showed Sam what i had found. I took it by myself for dna scanning. When i reached the office everyone was very serios. I asked for yesterdays scanning and I gave her the gun.After a few minutes the ladie told me the pen and the gun both had the same fingerprint, abd the person was Inspector Sam. I dialled the police i told them to catch Inspector Sam. I hurried to the mansion. I entered a s soon as possible. I asked the family memembers. He said he had gone. We took the polices car and drove down the street. We were very near Sams car. banged right on his car. The car slowed down. He came out shivering. The police caught him. He had robbed the whole jonsons fortune. this case was closed .

I like it from Cam add more about sam

I agree with cam.


 * Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I think it was very interesting and i liked it alot, maybe you could've said a little bit more about inspecter sam.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? Yer there is enough complications, Yes it was interesting, yes it had a great resolution, maybe say more about inspecter Sam and what he is like.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?** > > 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? Well i can picture it in my head and loved it. > > 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? > the best was finding out who it was and what had happend to the johnson family. probaly the middle needs most improvment. :) > > . Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? > > 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? > > 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? > > 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? > > 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?
 * Yes the characters are pretty life like in a way.
 * If inspecter sam was explained more he would've been more enjoyable but the girl inspecter was interesting and beleivable.