BF-Sandra

My name is Sandra and I live in Spain, but I am American and Spanish. The school that I go to is called BFIS and it is very fun. Somethings that I like are soccer, but I'm not good at it and other things that I like are things that some girls don't really like, like murdering and scary movies, and other stuff. I have a brother named Oscar which he is very annoying. My parents are both self employed, my dad works with fixing stuff in a sort of a workshop store, in a T.V series, and something else that explains later on and my mom works as a pediatritian. I have already been to Australia for three years on December 28th 1997 until 2000. My brother was born there, but he is not Australian. There I have a friend called Rebbecca which is my age (I'm 11 years old, I will be 12 the 21st of September), and I am going to go to Australia this summer, for us, for one hole month, August. Physically, I have been around the world once, but I haven't to all the countries or continents. I have been to Australia, Japan, China, Italy(Torin), Palau, Paris, U.S.A(Houston Texas), and Spain of course because I live here. I have been to all these places because my father works in the Olympics with the image and sound, and so then, maybe next year, I will go to Canada for the Winter Olympics.

My Story The graveyard was empty. All of a sudden, a girl named Katherine with dark smooth wavy hair, with blue pijamas, and no shoes, appearded in the graveyard at the same time that the coffins appearded. She screamed of how scared she was because she didn't like coffins, nor graveyards. Now, when she looked up, she freaked out, she saw skeletons, dead bodies, and ghosts. At first she thought they were only visions, but then the three creatures started scaring her and attacking her. When she was almost dead, she woke up and realized it was a dream. She was so happy and went back to sleep again in her water bed. But, was the adventure over? She looked up and started screaming. There was a "famous" murderer that had escaped from all the prisions he had been in on her bed pointing at her with a sharp and bloody knife. He looked like a zombie because he had scars and scratches all over his face, his face was palid white and his hair was as black as coal and as messy as paper that have flown from your desk to outside the window with the wind. His clothes were all broken with holes everywhere and he didn't even have shoes nor socks.

Ten minutes later, her brother Tom woke up with the yell of her sister. He was a 12 year old boy (two years older than his sister Katherine) with very curly hair and had his black panda pijamas on.He ran to her room, but on the way, he tripped with a knife that the murderer had put on purpouse there because he had everything planed, and his leg, from the knee to the foot, was cut off and blood was coming out nonstop, but he still did his best to see what was happening to her sister... He was too late. Katherine, was lying on her bed dead with the knife on her chest with blood coming out, and a few seconds later he died too because too much blood came out.

The good thing of this story was that their parents died that night with a traffic accident and so now one didn't notice that they were missing and no one didn't really care either.

The Questions:** 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? i think the story is a little bit gory but other than that it is fine and i think it could be a bit longer.
 * edited by maddison :hawkesdale colege p.s please come and read the rest off my story because it isnt finished and i am putting the rest up :)

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?i think that your story would be better if it had a sizling start for example aggh the girl screamed to put in front off your story

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? i think the characters need to be described alot more so that people get a visual picture of them

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?i think you should put more detail of where you are in the story eg in the girls bedroom explain what it looks like is it white is it blue?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?