VV+Haley

**Introduction:**
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**Paste your story here:**
**__ THE CHOSEN ONE (2nd DRAFT) __** “Okay, class, today we are learning about what happened in our town before our time,” The teacher said to the class. One mention of learning and the students sighed. Mrs. Jammers tried her best to get the students learning, but they didn’t listen. This, somehow, seemed to perk everyone up. “Here’s the book with all the city’s stories in it, and the very first one and most important one is the one that we’re going to read today.” Mrs. Jammers opened the large book and flipped through a few pages until she started the story:

“A large, thick, dusty book was placed on the grand oak table in the city hall. Eight of the nine important members of the town council sat down. The Mayor examined the seven others: each of them looked extremely professional. It seemed as though that the Mayor looked right at each of them in the eyes. As the Mayor’s eyes moved from place to place, we suddenly stopped at the empty seat. All eyes turned to meet the glass door swinging open. Through the door came a red-headed, read-faced Angel Sinclair, the ninth member of the council. She was also the clumsiest, most disliked person in the city. Why? Because she did nothing but mess things up. But when her name was drawn out of a hat for the ninth council member spot, she knew that things were going to change... somehow... “So sorry, Mr. Mayor,” Angel said, looking quite exhausted; arms full of papers and binders and books. “I completely lost all track of time,” she continued. Angel took her seat, and took a moment to organize herself and to get settled. “Alright. The second town council meeting of the month has come to order,” The Mayor sighed, looking at his council. //Angel//, he thought, //will need some work. If she wants to be on this council, she’ll have to step up!// “Our town is in desperate need of some work. The entire town depends on us to fix this. Does anyone have any ideas?” The Mayor asked his council, as he had no ideas of his own. No one had any ideas, until Angel’s hand shot up. “What about the book? What’s that?” The rest of the council rolled their eyes. “Back to business,” The Mayor rapped on the table with his knuckles. “This is the ancient book of our town. It will tell us the secrets to save it. It is dying away, and there is only one person who can unlock this book. I’ve tried and I cannot. We must all try to open it.” “Let’s pass it around the town if none of us can open it,” Arnold, the sixth member suggested. The council agreed, and everyone at the table tried desperately to yank it open. “Let me try!” Angel cried. “No,” Jim told her. “You shouldn’t even be here! All your ideas are so… so…” he faded out as a crowd of people ran into the street outside the town hall. The Mayor ran out to greet the people. He realized that they didn’t look happy. They yelled threats and “What is that?” “This is the ancient book of secrets!” The Mayor yelled out to all of them. “Call everyone, even the smallest children, here. We must find the chosen one!” After a horribly long day of people trying to open the book, Angel was tired of not being able to do anything. She had been told to stay in the city council’s meeting room, but she wanted to try to open the book. Suddenly the book was in her hands. A small child had passed it to her. “You try, Miss,” she said in a little, squeaky, shy voice. The young girl had been watching Angel for a long time, and knew there was something special about her. But what? But how? But why? “Oh, okay,” Angel took it, and it took her but a second to open the book, and before she knew it, there was cheering and she was flipping through the pages of the book. In there, she discovered a secret hiding place big enough and stocked with enough food to last them five years, while the money they found with the food was used to re build the town. The town was falling apart, literally. So, the money was used for upgrading the town. It was not safe for any of the people, so the construction workers re built it. Today, everyone lives the way we did before.”

The class clapped, and Mrs. Jammers was pleased. **__ The End __**

**Questions for Peer Reviewer**
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? You had an interesting story but I don’t know if it was original or not. You also could have said who the main character is. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? I liked the ending. I also liked the body and also the way you started your story. However I thought that you could add more suspense into it. 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? I got a good sense of what the all the characters are like. The characters are also life-like. 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? When I read the story, I could picture it in my head.But Maybe you could describe them more: “Red –headed Angel…” 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? No areas specifically but maybe you could, as I said before, add in “ red headed or blue-headed…” or something. 