TM-Greg

3/30/09
 * Hi, I go to Timberlane Regional middle school in New Hampshire. **
 * Some things about me are that I play baseball, airsoft and I’ll explain what airsoft is, I play basketball, and I snow board. Airsoft is a game you play with full size guns that shoot little plastic bbs. Also basketball is American sport but some players are from Europe. Do you get snow in your part of Europe? I know that Australia doesn’t get snow. My favorite song is by GoldFinger, the song is called 99 Red Balloons Or 99 Luft balloons(German)(Which i can play). I play electric guitar. My guitar is a Fernandez wood shine monterey. I can speak vietmanize. **

**MY friends call me Greggy.** 
 * Sincerely **
 * Greg **
 * P.S **

 
 * This is my Dirt bike which I didnt include in the introduction**

The Hanging Turtle PT 1 . One hot summer day turtle came out of the water and saw a bird flying above him. Turtle always wished he could fly. Lucky for turtle his day would come soon. Later that day turtle was sun bathing while a small meteor hit turtle. Turtle was strangely lofted in the air to his amaze then he fell. Never had this happened to him before. Turtle tried to float again and sure enough he was up in the air flying. Unfortunately he wasn’t used to flying yet and hit a tree. Then the monkeys kidnap the turtle and hung him on the tree. When people walked they said “a hanging turtle”. Then one guy helped turtle down then the fishes scared the guy away so turtle could escape. And as soon as possible he ran not very far though. But when turtle got away he began focusing on flying and he quickly got in air and back on the ground then said 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1.. Lift off. He flew outrage sly fast in a blur practically. Once again he couldn’t control his flight and... The evil monkeys came to take turtle to there master. But to get there they needed to drag turtle //**__ up the tree __**//. //**__ Then the monkey master called Banamastier. __**// Came out to see turtle and shouted an order to his monkeys in a foreign language that he did not understand. The monkeys threw turtle in a pot, but just then the flying fish Green Berets began to fight off the monkeys.

The monkeys and fish fought without halt and many were lost. But in the end the fish won. And as soon as the battle was over king salmon took turtle back to the pond to recover from his adventure. and that was the end of his adventure for now.

 

Edited by Isabel BFIS.

** Questions for Peer Reviewers **
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? The story is original but it doesnt make sense. You go directly to the future and then monkeys, im not trying to be mean, but I think you could make it better. I got really confused when you started talking about the fish defeating the monkeys.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? I think you could change a bit that the turtle wants to fly, maybe add that a bit later because the monkeys just suddenly kidnap him, and from the part on, it didnt make sense to me.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? I think the turtle is enjoyable, but shes/hes not very life-like. The monkeys are pretty weird but theyre funny, but also not very life-like.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you // see // and // hear // and // experience // the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I can really 'see' the story! I think you should explain the setting a bit more.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? As I said, I think the suggentions im made focus more on the monkeys. I especially didnt understand the sentence where you just suddenlly say, At a speed of 2 centimeters per 30 seconds, because than you just change the subject.