BF-Carlota

Hii! My name is Carlota, It is very exciting to talk to people from over the world. I am from Spain. I have brown hair, I have big round brown eyes, i am tall. I have short hair like up to my shoulders.

7 things: I live in Barcelona. I'm 12 years old I like hip hop I'm a SHOPAHOLIC I love PINK (the color and VICTORIA'S SECRET) I love taking pictures I love dancing and singing

My story so far Something happens in Abbey Mount

Lisa and Lina went to a university called Abbey Mount, England. They rented a house near the school. The house wasn’t the type of house that they wanted but it was ok, it was old and almost breaking, just like the school. The school had beds, sometimes they slept there because they lost the bus or had to do tutoring and homework. When they had slept a lot of times there, the director told them to bring a little suitcase and leave it there. The last day of school of spring break they didn’t have anything to do when they got home so they went SHOPPING Lisa’s favorite hobby. They had so much fun it was the first time Lina had spend so much money because she wasn't used to shop so much, {she was a little poor}. When they got home it was already 11 00 pm they were very tired, there feet felt like breaking. When they were asleep Lisa heard a noise in the kitchen, she didn’t want to stand up of the bed incase the thing that was in the house didn't do anything to her so she waked up Lina. They were very afraid and didn’t know what to do so they called Thomas the director's son. They had been talking when Lisa had stayed YOU ARE REALLY UGLY the night at school. They were close friends. When he came he entered from the window of the room and when he was in the tree of them went in the kitchen and saw that it was a cat eating all of their food!! They had been so scary because of a cat!! They were very surprised. Thomas stayed the night over incase they had to call him again. The next day they were very excited so Lisa prepared a party to announce that she was going out with Thomas. She was the most popular girl in school because she was the best girl in school in all, clothing, nice everything basically. They had a lot of fun. At the end everybody left except Thomas he stayed over the whole night. The next day they left to the Galapagos and Lina left to London with a friend. He took her to a 5 star hotel, they had self service and everything was free because his father had a lot of money and was the owner. They went to a beach everyday, the turquoise water was so calm and it was very refresh. The next day they had their first date; Thomas had rent a sailing boat for the night. It had candles, cava, music, food and love. After dancing all night Thomas hold Lisa's smooth hair very intense. He said, "Do you love me with all your love?” looking at her eyes. "Yes I do, more than everything in the world", said Lisa. It was all quiet, except the breath of each other. Thomas said, "Then it won’t matter if I do this". In one second the two heads were together, head to head, so sweet.

hey this is jackie, or jay. uhmm your story is good but the thing is it needs to flow more better. try some transistion words ( like adverbs ) also describe what the characters look like & the settings so people who are reading it can picture it in there head. maybe you should also look through it cause i saw some spelling mistakes and stuff like that.

hey this is colleen, your story is good but i think you need to work on your spelling and like jay said make it flow. otherwise your story was very intersting. good luck, colleen :)

hi this daniel, you need to make it more exiting use more charters and practice your spelling i didnt like IT SO YOUR STORY DIES .

good luck....

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?