BF-Ana

Hi my name is Ana and i am 12 years old my birthday is the 20 of February and i go to BFIS. I have a dog his name is Klay, i had another dog but he died. I like all type of music but not clasic music. My favorite program in T.V is icarly or Zoey101 every day i see it. I love sweetys and i olways buy them with my best friend. I am from Spain but my dad and mom are Russian so i am type of Russian i was born in Barcelona but i like being Russsian and Spanish. I love Scary movie, i like better to see them with my friends but i can see them by my self. My favorite color is red and purple. ==This is my Story  == NY no one is alive and no one is dead.................. Zombies, You will ask was I there no I wasnt my sister was. I will explain it to you as if I was there. I am in the hospital I now its very crazy, its like zomies love hospitals becasue dead people are there and zombies love meat. Its me Susan, my friend Leo and my favorite and cute dog Klay are hear with me. You will ask what hapened????? The zombies attaced NYC and they will never stop eating fresh meat they distroy everything they see and if someone dosent do what they want better dont be that person because the zombies would kill you and torture you. You will think zombies maybe are very mean and eat meat and when i say meat i mean you, they are inteligent and they can talk, they are like half people, and half zombies but they eat people. You will ask why i am there and why wasnt I a zombie????? That is easy when the FBI said i had to come hear and help the world and all that boring stuff, i did i now why would they get just me but they dident there were 400 people with me but they died. You will think Leo is from the FBI no, i just find him crying in the hospital. I want to get out of this hospital but i cant because there is no light in the hospital you will think WHAT, its like it is just light hte hospital is not so dark, but that isnt the problem zombies love night but hate the sun and the light. If zombies touch light they will just die so for them light is like tourture so they hate it. So i have a plan the plan is go and if i die bad for me. I love light and today i am going to do my plan so i can, i am outside and i am scared and I see a zombie no i see 2 no 8 i dont now what to do so i cant go into the room again because i will open the door and its very noisy i hope they dont see me i am in the stairs the zombies didnt see me i see Leo and my cute dog Klay outside i see them from the window o no the zombies so me i have to run

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This is all the corrections i made that you probally didnt noticed.The red is things that should have been there but they wernt and this is what i corrected its pretty good though you have a great chance at not being cut.=====

NY no one is alive and no one is dead.................. Zombies, You will ask, was I there ? No I wasn’t my sister was. I will explain it to you as if I was there. I am in the hospital I now it’s  very crazy, its like zombies love hospitals because dead people are there and zombies love meat. It’s me Susan, my friend Leo and my favorite and cute dog Klay are hear with me. You will ask what happened? The zombies attacked NYC and they will never stop eating fresh meat they destroy everything they see and if someone doesn’t do what they want better don’t be that person because the zombies would kill you and torture you. You will think zombies maybe are very mean and eat meat and when I say meat I mean you, they are intelligent and they can talk, they are like half people, and half zombies but they eat people. You will ask why I am there and why wasn’t I a zombie????? That is easy when the FBI said I had to come hear and help the world and all that boring stuff, I did I now why would they get just me but they didn’t there were 400 people with me but they died. You will think Leo is from the FBI no, I just find him crying in the hospital. I want to get out of this hospital but I can’t because there is no light in the hospital you will think WHAT, it’s like it is just light at hospital is not so dark, but that isn’t the problem zombies love night but hate the sun and the light. If zombies touch light they will just die so for them light is like torture so they hate it. So i have a plan the plan is go and if I die bad for me. I love light and today I am going to do my plan so I can, I am outside and I am scared and I see a zombie no I see 2 no 8 I don’t now what to do so I cant go into the room again because I will open the door and its very noisy I hope they don’t see me I am in the stairs the zombies didn’t see me I see Leo and my cute dog Klay outside I see them from the window o no the zombies so me I have to run

**NO THEY KILLED ME NOW JUST LEO CAN SAVE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!**
1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I think your story was realy good but you just had a few spelling mistakes and a few other things like diffrent words than what there is supposed to be in the sentence.But besides that it was really good.
 * //__to b__//****//__e continued__//**

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? I thought that this was a good focus and the suspence was good because you had alot of interest in it and i was like is she dead or not the hole time i was reasding it.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? You made your characters so real like you were actualy there and i really liked that.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?When i read your story i could picture me being there with you and just everything being so real.It was really good

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?ddThe one thing you could improve with the spelling and mised words.I know that in my story i have a lot of spelling mistakes and word problems in mine two so dont worry