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Introductions
Meet Victoria Meet Nellie

Story
KIDS HELPING KIDS By: Victoria and Nellie

Hello this is channel 8 news today we are going to talk about how these kids (what kids? you have not introduced any kids yet. who are they? what are they like?) are helping kids around the world and some just in their community. First we have a little girl named Sophia who is going to talk to us about childhood obesity. Her brother Bobby is going around the world talking to people about how they should play sports or exercise instead of just sitting at home with potato chips.

The little girl Sophia feels bad that kids have to watch what they eat when they have diabetes. Because of obesity they are not able to have as much sugar as other kids. ( Not all people with diabetes are obese and not all obese children have diabetes.) She also dosen't like how some parents of obese children don't watch what their children eat or encourage them to play sports or exercise.

We are also going to hear from Johanna with the results of her experiment. She went to Fredrick John Middle School and John Edwards Middle School and did her experiment. Her experiment consisted of putting water fountains in Fredrick John Middle School and not putting them in John Edwards Middle School to see what would happen. Her results were the kids in Fredrick John Middle School lost 30% of their fat because they had pure water instead of having water with a bunch of calories. At the end of the year Sophia went to 10 different schools around the world to raise money to help kids that are obese and have diabetes that cant afford to have the right tools and foods. Bobby started a camp in the summer for over weight kids to have fun and at the same time learn exercises to keep in shape and the right ways to eat. This is how kids around the world can help other kids. By helping other kids you can feel good about your self and if you help other kids and their problems they can maybe help you. This is channel 8 news singing off.

PEER REVIEW

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?  We like the idea in general but you could use some help. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?  You need to make the conflict more clear and add complications. We were not sure where the climax was. 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? If you told us more about the characters and about how they act and look and actually who they are, it would be much clearer.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I can't really see, or hear it. I like that is is a news report, very original. You could maybe go from the news report to a scene with interaction. 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? The characters are flat and static. You have no round, dynamic, protagonist characters. You also need to make the conflict apparent and use more imagery.

PEER REVIEW (group 2)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

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