VV+Rebecca

**Introduction:**
Include some or all of the following, as well as a link to your blog: first name, what you like to do in and out of school, favourites (food, sport, hobby, TV show, video game, etc.), places visited, future plans, claim to fame.

__ The Boy Who Wished He Hadn’t __ 1568. That was the year that everything went wrong. And that’s how this story begins. Sort of the same as every other, but still. It’s…different. My story begins on a dark stormy night with two young boys. Brothers, to be exact. The eldest one, Zacorieth, who was 16, and Bernard, who was 9. Zacorieth wore a shirt that was ragged up, with holes in it that had clearly been mended many times, and was technically, unable to be saved as a shirt. He also wore pants that looked like they had been trampled on by horses tearing great holes in to them. Bernard’s outfit mirrored Zacorieth’s, but in a smaller size. “Hahn, Hahn!” Zacorieth yelled at the horses, as they swiftly dashed through the moonlight on a wooden open roofed carriage. “Zacorieth!” Bernard shouted. “Look out for that…” Crash !!! At this point your thinking, Oh no! What will happen to Zacorieth and Bernard? Well, what you’re probably thinking is very right. They both tragically died. They hit a rock the size of a cat, and it was the end of them. They had finished there task that they had been sent to do. They had finished burying a chest full of ghosts. They had rid there town of evil, but unfortunately died on there rush back to there village. You would think that they would have died from the ghouls, but no. They perished from a harmless rock. 1989. Bump. Bump. Bump. SCCCRREEEECH! “Finally! We have been freed of this horrible box of despair! Heeahahaha! After all of these years of being stuck in this wretched box. 2011. “Mom! I’m gonna go and play outside with the Jenkins kids!” “Okay honey! Be careful on the streets! You never know what those crazy people are up to these days.” The boy’s mother mumbled to herself. “Okay mom”. He said in an annoyed voice, noticing her nagging. Little did the boy know that there was a little surprise waiting for him outside of his front door. “I’ll be back for dinner mo”…SCCCRREEEECH! And that was the end of Jimmy Larimore and his family…

//__ TO BE CONTINUED __//

**Questions for Peer Reviewers**
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? Although I think your plot is quite original, I don’t quite get it. I guess that your plot is about people dying and maybe some kind of curse. I can’t really know that since you did not finish your writing :D I think that the base idea is very original and somewhat creepy. I would suggest that you finish your story so I can fully understand your plot. Oh and also, how will the story continue if everyone dies in the first few paragraphs? i have to admit that the story is adventurous but the thing is its way too SHORT! the story sounds familiar so i wouldn't say that our story is original. THE STORY CAN'T CONTINUE. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? In your story there are no problems and there is no climax. Everyone just gets killed, there is no resistance so there is not much that excites me. Even though I find that hilarious it weakens the plot of your story. Also, I would not know f there was more climax coming up because your story is not finished :D Try to make your characters fight or their life a bit, just for some climax. Give them some problems and stuff. i agree with ISKL. THERE IS NO PROBLEMS OR CLIMAX! NO EXCITEMENT! NO SUSPENSE. ITS JUST VIOLENT. 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? Your story does not tell me much about the characters. They all die so fast. I was only able to think about Zach because your description tells me is poor because of his ragged clothes. THERE ARE NO DESCRIPTIONS THAT TALK ABOUT THE CHARACTERS. 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? You did not give me detail, it was just an account of events, everything else was a little bit minimal. You should give me more detail about the characters and the events etc. I would also like the deaths to be a little slower and a bit more painful, just for the sake of climax :D I could not really imagine your story. the detail was very little.you should add more detail. the story is kind of stupid.i can't see anything but death! 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? My suggestions are scattered all over my comments. But mostly, just finish your story, stop killing everyone, give me more detail, use more adjectives and give me more climax points etc i think you should really get some suspense, excitement, and more character devlopment. add some more detail. and when we least expect it add a crash or a dramatic conflict. Dak, ISKL!