Nick+G

**Siblings:1 brother**
 * Hi, my name is Nicky **
 * Grade:7**
 * Best Holiday:Christmas **
 * Birth Month:January **
 * Career Goals:Pilot **
 * Favorite Movie:Step Brothers **
 * Favorite Food:Pizza **
 * Favorite Munchies:Doritos **
 * Favorite soft drink:Coke **
 * Favorite Subject:PE **
 * Pet Peeve:HW **
 * Pets:none **

=World War Three=

The year is 2067 and the world has broken out into an all out war. Bitter relations between continents have divided the world. No civilian communications are available. The United States has begun drafting troops due to the need to control Indonesia. General Frank Mason has begun to draft troops for the 456th tank battalion. One of the first among his troops is me George Nixon who would be appointed as a Private who will be deployed in May along with around 40 others. We will invade an island on the northern chain in the pacific. When I told my wife she broke into tears because she has family on those islands. I thought about how to avoid the invasion but couldn’t convince his sergeant to call it off. After about two months of training in a camp in the Middle East he was put on a military aircraft with the rest of his battalion. None of the men on the plane looked familiar, but he saw one man who couldn’t be more than 16 who was scared for his life. I went to comfort him and told him that I would help him through it. He was still terrified and gained little confidence. Later the plane touched down on a remote tarmac in a dense jungle. Machine gun fire erupted from the forest before we could enter the tank the kid I met on the plane was fainted. Enemy troops stormed the landing strip and raided the plane. The enemy soldiers took the frightened boy as a P.O.W’s. The attack left us with little supplies and we were desperate for water in the hot humid tropical environment. My sergeant assigned me a position on the turret of an M1 Abrams that was used in Iraq and still had sand in the floor. After an hour of preparing we embarked on the long journey to the base in a particularly dense jungle. Mid-way through the journey I saw a flutter in a fern. I alerted my sergeant and he ordered me to fire. I lit up the bush with rounds and crossfire erupted and bullets fired from all angels. There was one gunner that had incredible skill that was taking troops left and right. I aimed and fired taking him out. The enemy started to flee the battle. After the battle I started to mull about the people that I had killed. I wondered if they were in the same situation that I was and if they had families that were worried for them like me. The battle killed 21 soldiers and wounded the young boy. He was hit in the lower leg and wasn’t life threatening but he felt like he was going to die. He demanded that he be evacuated and refused to fight. The boy was given a dishonorable discharge. Later that day we were sent to patrol the beach on the southern coast. The night was calm but mosquitoes and other flying insects. In the morning my arms and neck were covered in red from all the insects. “SNAKE!!!” the man next to me yelled. He had a long diamond covered snake under his cot. He and I both ran as fast as anyone who had just woken up could. My sergeant who clearly didn’t care for animals went in and shot the snake. We returned and prepared to patrol the same beach we did the previous night. The troops were already getting anxious because next month they would be going home next month. Me and some other guys were playing cards when small civilian boat started to approach the shore. The sergeant picked up a megaphone and asked for identification but there was no response. As it got closer a turret became visible and we were ordered to fire. The boat unleashed a 50cal machine gun on us and I was immediately hit in the elbow and it broke my arm. It was the most pain I had ever felt blood was flowing out of my arm. I took my shirt and wrapped my arm. I was to be sent home the same day to a hospital in my hometown of Winchester. On the plane I tried to figure out how to explain the invasion to my wife but couldn’t. When I returned she had hired a divorce attorney. She approached me in tears and cried into my chest. She told me that she couldn’t live with someone who had help kill her mother. I was left the house but I will have to sell it and settle in an apartment until I find a job. The only thing that I was worried about more was my “X”-wife who was left with nothing accept her personal belongings and the poor bank account. My life had been ruined by war.

Questions for Peer Reviewers

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?  I think that your story was more of an original story than an adaptation because the story was obviously about war, and the story of war in the future is very original. Though you could of explained on some parts with more clarity and describe the situation like what it smelled like or sounded like, basically all the five senses to give the reader the ability to picture the whole story in their mind.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

I think that you added a lot of transitions between the topics that added a lot of intensity and suspense. The point I found most interesting was when the enemy came in a boat. You could have added more in between the topics so that it creates a intensity

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?  All the characters had a really good description of what they are like, and how they act through their actions and what they have done through the story.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

Most of the time you explained the environment thoroughly, but like I said before you could have added more description into it to help the reader picture the story well.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The place you needed help with the most is grammar and describing the situation and what people look like better.

Adel ISKL

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?