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War Boys 2 By Nathan Loiselle

It was a very hot summer and it was the worst day going to Africa it was a sand storm and I could Barley see 2 feet in front and Mike was the Assassin and Cody was the riflemen And I was the tanker It was really hot going to Africa it was about 100°F I swear And in the tank I was extremely hot. Conner was my machine gun person because I take care of the big bomb part and Conner knew a little about being a medic and once we got at least 200 feet from the first base and there was this one dude that lives guns and I think his name was Jake and when he got in front he told us to stop and we did. I was so mad because our tank had starting up problems and I told him but he didn’t care and threw a grenade and it blew up And he yield mine field!!!! And there was a mine right next to my tank and I yield get down to Conner and it blew up and we got blown out of my tank and I felt a big crack in my left leg and it hurt I herd Conner yelling and I started too he yield My arm really loud and I think I heard the guns and I think I heard a grenade launcher But it wasn’t and once I got I fell and I screamed of pain and I saw a medic come over to me and he was looking at my wound and I was out for the hole day but the next day yesterday we lost only 1 many injured and once we got at least 10 feet there was gun fire and I saw the sniper and I got him in the left shoulder and I he went down and I think he was dead and I ran in limping though I dove by a window and I got up I saw them looking at some sort of map for the air team and they heard me and I shot two and I ducked and said throw a grenade and I ran fast as I could and ducked and I heard a huge bang then we all swarmed in and there were snipers all over there was at least 10 I said smoke grenade but not loud once the smoke covered the rocky road we ran over to the other side and we started shooting I think I got one of the sniper but the smoke carried far in to the village and it was to windy but it was complete silence for at least 4 minuets and four of us Cody, Mike, Conner and me. We slowly crept in and we were so afraid of getting shot we saw the smoke start to disappear and we went to the right of the village and we had told them that we would sneak around and we would flank them from the back and they said no you they said you four no way I said we can do it Them the commander said hews with you I sad Cody Conner Mike and me. He said well that’s good enough you all are the most highly trained I think you can do this. I said back just hold them for at least 4 minutes to 10 I think “we can get them” don’t you said Conner Said and we went the wind was horrible sand got in our eyes we knew we could get there don’t worry. We need to get going “ok” said every body and we ran but we had to cross another street we all stopped and peaked across the road there was no one and we went to the left side and there they were I saw the commander and waved he saw me and looked away and told some people and they started to run towards us and we motion them to stop and stop running and they still ran and they all got shot by the snipers that still were up in the building and me and Mike ran behind them and we shot all of them and Conner and Cody are running the another way. We yield slow down we all are coming and Mike and me Jumped on the another tank. We went to the very tip of Ethiopia and we sailed to Madagascar and we all did not know what the commanders name was it was about 6:00pm and we were about 5to 10 minuets away from Madagascar and I asked the commander what his name was and his name was Victor and then I told the guys Cody, Mike, Conner and me. Then we could see the island we could here gun fire already there was a boats already on the sandy floor and I asked commander victor why is there boast already on the sand Victor said “I don’t know”. Once we got to land I saw the Canadian flag and I told Victor “It’s the Canadians “! I saw one of them I yelled “hey!! You Canadian He looked and held his gun at us I said we are the Americans He put his gun down and ran over he told us the English I said yes “what are you guys doing her? They said we are fighting the Africans I said “so are we”! now lets work together ok he said ok lets go do you guys have any where yet he said we’ve only been her an hour ok now lets go take over Madagascar! Ok so then we went into the sunset and there was a forest and we slowly crept for it and the hole division was fighting over to the east of us and we only had about 90 people and there was little holes that were dug I got in one there were at least 20 of them we could only fit 3 people and Conner and Cody were with me Mike and Victor our commander. in one with some other dude and I Told Cody to fire and right before he did bangs and booms came from the forest Cody almost got his head shot off I pulled hem down and said “that was close” “ya” Cody said then we got up and started shooting and there were huge trees and Cody, Conner and I figured that there would be people up there so then I saw Mike run over to a big box and put his sniper gun on top and aimed and fired there fell a body from the trees “nice shot “ “thanks” then we all started to throw 4 grenades each so then there were explosions and then there was no more gun fire form the dark jungle then we ran through the forest then we were walking through the forest and it was a lot of nats in the forest I think that there’s going to be a surprise and there were 20 Africans jump out of the ground there those holes and now I Knew why there were other holes back there. I got down and I shot my rifle fast as I could and I shot four people and the Canadians got most of them we got a couple then we went all the way through the forest and then there was a huge base and I think I saw the commander and then we all crept up near the base and then I think I saw a person come out of the base and I told every one to get down really quit and I walked up to him very slowly and I grabbed his mouth and covered it up and I grabbed his forehead and I broke his neck and I hid his body in a ammunition box that was empty and closed the lid and then I crept up slow as possible and then I showed a grenade then I threw it in then I heard them talking then they opened the door and they got blone up and

Questions for Peer Reviewers
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?