ISKL+Aidan

 Introduction Aidan Up on top a huge mountain, known as Ben Nevis, in the north of Scotland, near my hometown of Aberdeen, there was a huge beast of a man. By beast, I mean he was 7 feet tall, pumped with 200 pounds of solid muscle, had skin like a rhino’s, teeth that could be used as knives, long, slimy tentacles for arms, legs which resembled large eels, and a long string of saliva dripping out of his mouth, attached to his twisted, sticky, gooey, ugly face. The monster would rip anything, human or animal, to pieces, just so long as he could see it. The reason I know it’s up there, and living long enough to tell the tale, is because I am careful, stealthy, and above all, scared not to be. I hid behind a giant boulder, hard and grey. I was all red and hot with excitement and fear, so the cool rock balanced out my temperature. I took a video of the monster, violently disemboweling the last unfortunate man to come up here. It was a shame really. Such a pleasant mountain to climb, yet such a horrible monster at the top. Puts you off, doesn’t it? Still, if I had video evidence for the British Broadcasting Commission (BBC) of the monster, people wouldn’t go up Ben Nevis, meaning less lives are lost, and the monster may die of hunger, or the BBC can get the military to deal with it. Hopefully, they'll believe an 11-year old boy, messing around with his dad's video camera.Then again, it doesn't sound likely, does it? Still worth a try though. The monster had just finished off the man’s bowels, and was now going for the lower intestine. I had to turn away, as it sickened me, watching the slimy, ruthless, heartless, menacing creature violently ripping out a man’s insides, with blood spraying everywhere, giving a perfect view of the scraped up innards and bones, along with what the poor bloke had eaten for the half-way up snack. I ducked, as the monster looked back. I retched into a nearby bush, and almost gave myself away.

The monster then played with the dead guy’s inside, before ripping off everything around the genital area, waggled it in the air, and swallowed it, whilst gouging out the eyes, leaving a bloody mess inside empty sockets. At that point, I actually did puke, and trying not to blow my cover, I coated the bush next to me in everything I’d eaten in the past few hours. I had seen enough sickening blood for the rest of my life, but was intrigued, so I stayed for a bit longer. I watched as slowly the creature hacked bits off the dead guy, and ate all of them. Once the man was just a few chunks of meat, I decided to head back. But how? If I went backwards, I’d disturb the bushes, and be eaten, if I went forwards, right, or left, the creature would see me, and I would die jumping off. I decided to jump. Spring, and up above I was, soaring up in the clouds, and it felt brilliant, absolutely brilliant, just to look around me, and see, smell, feel, taste, and listen to the clouds. Then, there was an overwhelming sensation of falling, as slowly, and not particularly gracefully, I fell, down, down, down, down. I felt as if my stomach was stuck up in the clouds. Suddenly, I realized I may have had better chances with the monster. And if it had killed me, at least it would be quick, and I wouldn’t have to think about it. The ground was now just 20 metres away. I said my last few words, and hoped death wouldn’t be so painful. THUD!!

I looked up, trying to figure out if I was alive, or if I had been sent to heaven, and it was too bright for me to see. No, I was in a castle, and a big one at that. Scotland has many castles, from invasions and the old times. The castles still had all the weapons, although this one had people in it. This was odd, as the only people in castles are tourists. No, they were at the cannons, looking at all the land, waiting for an enemy to come and give them something to do. A man rushed over to me. “Wee son, ye dun’t look aaright. Whit happen’d?” “I jumped off the top of Ben Nevis sir. Escaping from a monster.” “Escapin’ frem a munsterr by suicide dun’t seem like a smarrt move, does it noo, laddie? Why dun’t ye coome in, have a nice cuppa tea, and tell us murr aboot this munsterr?” “Yes sir.” Inside was fairly cozy, with a television, a sofa, a kettle, cups, trays, bowls, radios, and all manner of things. I sat on one side of the sofa, and told the man (Jimmy) why I was up there. “Och, only 7 feet tall? We’ll ‘ave ‘im ferr haggis! I’ll teach you the trraditional Scottish way te skin a munsterr and ‘ave it wi’ beer! Let’s go lads!” I didn’t have a clue what I had gotten myself or these strange castle-men into. All I knew was that it would end badly for one of the sides, and I don’t think the monster will back down.

We came in from all sides of the cool mid-autumn mountain top, all guns ready. We were told to aim at the head, as there was the least meat there, and the heart made a great treat. Already I could see one soldier with no life, slumped next to a tree. Still we bravely shot on. We figured out a tactic- all aim for the same spot, as it would weaken after thousands of bullets, and be the best place to bust open. The beast got angry, and started swiping at us, taking out 10 gunners a pop. P-teeeewph! I fired the killing shot, and the beast fell to the ground, dead. Everyone pulled out their bagpipes and played the “Black March” for a minute, to remember those who died in the process of getting our dinner. We lugged it down to the castle, and put in a huge oven. We drank ale, and ordered chips from the local curry shop, which was quite a laugh, as the Pakistani guy at the counter didn’t know what we were talking about at first. The soldiers sat and told war stories, and I didn’t care that my footage wasn’t with the BBC. I didn’t care that I’d almost died three times that day. I didn’t care that I was too young to be having the ale. I was just thankful to be in the comfy castle, with many brave men, knowing no more would die atop Ben Nevis. By this, I strictly mean just Ben Nevis, as these creatures breed and migrate, like humans. These monsters are spread around the world. They're in Australia, New Zealand, Brazil, Peru, Malaysia, China, Morocco, Spain, and even Antarctica. But the most dangerous of these is the one in America. Tennessee to be exact.

Oblivious as I was in the time of triumph, three girls, camping in the woods by Wolf River, were unaware of the danger they were in. "I'll set up the tent!" April said as she got out of the car. As always Emily was driving, she had been the first to get her lisence. "Okay! I'll get the bags out of the back!" Jennifer said. She had always been the outdoorsy type. She was the one that got all of them to camp together anyway. While April was setting up the tent, Jennifer and Emily went out into the woods to go and get some firewood for the campfire. "Can we tell scary stories later?" asked April after they got back. "That would be so much fun!" said Jennifer. "I have a really good one! Hey Em! How's that fire coming?" "Calm down Jen! I'll be finished in a sec. You guys need to get started with dinner. Unless of course you want the MONSTER to come out." said Emily. Jennifer had told a scary story before, the last time they had gone camping, and pretty much everyone had nightmares. Except Emily of course, she NEVER gets scared. "Dinner's ready!" said Jennifer. "Awesome!" said Emily, "I'm STARVING!"

Little did the trio know that about half a mile away, there was a huge troll that really wanted to have some dinner. This particular troll had acute hearing, and heard the car drive up into the woods. Trolls aren't known for being sneakers, but this one had brains enough to hide. Of course, the girls didn't know this. Nor did they know how to survive in the wilderness. They took out huge, juicy cheeseburgers, which lured the troll in, hidden behind the car. The creature sat through many boring scary stories, until eventually the last one was told, about three little girls who went camping, and were eaten by a troll that was hiding behind their car. The girls had a brief giggling fit, and then Jennifer and Emily went to get the sleeping bags from the car. The troll literally jumped at his chance, pouncing out from behind the car. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" both the girls screamed, and were about to run, when the troll disemboweled them rather violently, spattering blood all over the car, and ate their sorry, not-so-filling carcasses. The troll proceeded to smash the car to little bits, and then rolled it down into a ditch. Then, he ran to the campsite, and cornered April by a tree "Cool! It's just like the story we told!" she exclaimed. "MEAT!" said the simple brute troll. "Look! A troll-eating monster!" The troll, not being especially smart, looked to see if it was true. April sprinted off into the forest, and hid in a huge cave, frightened of what would happen to her, oblivious to the fact that the cave was actually the troll's cave....

Meanwhile, back in Scotland, myself, and the rest of the military were talking amongst ourselves deciding what we should do about this dreaded monster. "I know!" Said my best friend, Bill, whom I work with. "We should set a trap! There is no way such a monster could overcome such intelligent humans as ourselves." "But how could we do such a thing? After all, he seems to have outsmarted us once before. What makes you think that the beast won't do it again?" I stated. "We'll just have to plan better. I know that we can capture this creature," said Bill.

As we continued to plan, April, back in Tennessee, was hiding, all alone, in a troll's cave. "Hey! I wonder who lives here! They have a nice place... Very.... open!" April stated. Then, all of the sudden, out of nowhere, something came behind her and hit her in the head with a rock. When she woke up she was in the woods. No one was near her. She wondered to herself, "How am I supposed to survive? Will I ever see my family again!?" Then, out of NOWHERE, she heard a plane. but not those that you see in the airports, it was a military plane... My plane. I saw her sitting beside a tree crying. She was also mumbling some stuff to her-self when I came down to save her, but I couldn't understand it. The second that she saw me, she ran up to me and gave me a huge hug! Which was also really weird because she didn't even know who I was. She climbed into the plane, and we went home to Memphis.

Earlier that day, we had gotten a 911 call from The U.S.A. We had been told that a teenage girl, about seventeen, had gone camping with her friends. When she hadn't come home that day, (apparently she had been in the woods for four days) her parents alerted the police. We had been searching for hours. As of now, April is at home. April yearns to be with her savior, and after about 2 months, she escaped her parent's controlling grasp, and flew to Scotland an a plane she hijacked. She found him, and the two celebrated Aidan's 12th birthday together, and were living together in a small apartment on Buchanan Street.

PEER REVIEW (Saint Michael)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?