HA-Jessica

MY FAV BANB: Jonas Brothers. FAV FOOD: Chocolate. FAV MOVIE: Confesions Of A Shopaholic. I have been playing the Piano for over 2 and a half years. I love cooking and when i grow up i want to be a chef and open my own restaurant, hopfully that comes true. Thats all i can think of at the moment so if i think of anything else i will write it in so you can learn some more stuff about me.
 * I**Hi my name Jessica. I am 12 years and i live in Australia vic.

Your story kinda short from ur partner Jake H

“Mum what are we doing this weekend?” I asked as I walked into the house from school on Thursday night. “I don’t know sweetie! What did you have in mind?” mum replied. “I was going to ask if Georgia can come over for the weekend. You know come tomorrow night and sleepover and then sleepover again Saturday night .Then go home Sunday?” “I don’t know sweetie I will have to ask your father first.” “Ok” I said walking off to my room. I’ll just have to wait till dad gets home at five o’clock from work.” An hour and a half passed and dad got home. I didn’t hear him because I was in my room doing my homework. I was so busy doing my homework and other things; I didn’t realize what time it was. I walked downstairs and into the kitchen. “Just in time sweetie, tea is ready!” Dad was saying as he was putting the dinner on the table. “Mum have you talked to dad about Georgia coming over this weekend?” I asked as I sat down at the table. “Yes we have and yes she can!” said Mum. “Awesome! Can I ring her after tea?” “Yes you can.” So after tea I rang Georgia to see if she wanted to come over that weekend. She said yes, so the next day, she came over for the night and we had some tea and went off to my room. After we had watched a movie we went back out to the kitchen and got some ice cream. After we ate ice cream we went on the computer for about 2 and half hours. By the time we had finished having a go on the computer it was 10:30 pm and we decided to go and get changed into our pyjamas. We went to bed and watched another movie. My mum ended up having to come into my room and switch off my TV.

The next morning we woke up and had some break fast. It was a really nice day so we decided to go to the beach. We were at the beach for about 3hours and then we went to the fish and chip shop to have some lunch.

That night we basically did the same things that we did last night, but we stayed up till 12:30am. On Sunday we went down to the beach again and had pizza for lunch. Then afterwards we had to take Georgia home and I think that this weekend was the best, weekend I have ever had. Edited by Monica-BFIS 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? This story is interesting, but It needs a climax. This is a summary, it's not like a story. I think you could make it a story with a problem in it. **The plot is original, but waaaaaaay too original. There is nothing good in the stroy, no suspense, no nothing. The plot was very boring.** No the plot is not very original 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? As I said, this story needs a climax. You could add something that happens in the beach or something that has a resolution. **There's no promblems the chacters face. The biggest problem was her dad almost said no, thats not even a promblem..!** it's boring, something interesting has to happen 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? **I dont know anything about the characters. They didn't say what their personalities were, i only knew what one of there names were.** You could describe more the personalities of the characters. And, you can do 3rd person point of view, because it will make more sense. you could bring the characters to life so they actually seem like people, not just names 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? **I could see and hear the expirience, but if you added more details to everything it would be better.** I think you could add more details in the story to make it even more interesting. You could describe what you did in the beach with your friend, or what you did while you were eating lunch. once again, BOR-ING 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? The area of the story that needs the most improvement is to change the point of wiex to 3rd person. Also, describing more the places, and have a climax, because if you don't have a climax it's not a story. BOR-ING **I agree, I'm sorry but it wasn't good at all. There is a lot of potential to make it a good stroy though. Add ALOT more details to the story !!!!!**
 * Edited also by Karoline-TRMS **