VV+Chaeyoon

About Me! Hi, I'm Chaeyoon. [|Visit my blog] I come from Korea and I'm twelve years old. I'm a girl! I born on May 30th 1997 I love to play computer game, but I don't like to watch TV I hate swimming. Well, I just don't like Exercise.... But I'm not fat!!! I have very lot's of friends.
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 * Adventure for the world **
 * Written By. Chaeyoon Oh**

In a very peaceful world, there was one normal girl called Liseia. Liseia was a very normal girl who lived with her family. One day, the Devil tried to take over the whole world. She (the Devil) killed almost every person. So, Liseia's family all died and she felt really said. She wanted to do anything to save them and bring them back. So, she hung around to trying to figure out how to save them. One day, Liseia met a Fairy called Alice. Liseia asked Alice if she knew how to make her family alive again. But Alice didn't say anything. So she asked her again. Alice told her to save her family was really hard and extremely dangerous. Liseia said she’d do anything for her family. So Alice finally told her how to do it. The way to save her family was to kill that Female Devil who took over the world within a week. That was the only way to save Liseia's family. It was not only to save her family but, that to kill that Devil is to save everybody in the world. Alice also told her to find a magic stone and a team that would help her to kill that terrible Devil. Liseia then went to find where the Devil lived. She thought about what Alice had said. She needed a team and a magic stone, but they were very hard to find. She met a guy called Blaze. He was one of that Devil's sides. He told her to fight with him before she kills that devil. But Liseia didn't have any skill. He attacked her. It was really long fight. Few minute later, she was about to lose. But suddenly, one girl appeared. She helped her to fight with him. So, they won. She was a girl who called Ame. She was going to go to kill that Devil too. Liseia asked Ame why she is trying to kill her too. She told her that Devil killed her twin brother who called Uki. So she is going to revenge her. Liseia ask her to join with her. She agreed. Now, she needed more people and a magic stone. They walked and walked for three days. There was only four days left. They found a short cut to way of that Devil's lives. Ame and Liseia went inside. Few minute later, they met a guy called Nick. He was a person who's on that Devil's side to. Ame and Liseia attack him with their whole energy. But Nick was not that easy person. While they were fighting, he called girls who called Nericka. Nericka sneak on to Liseia and hit Liseia's neck very hard. So Liseia faint on the ground. Nericka hold Liseia up and put a knife right beside her neck. Nick told Ame if she want to save her, stop trying to kill that Devil. Ame thought for little while. Then she said no. She suddenly jump to Nericka and kicked her very hard. She fell on the ground. Ame made Liseia free. The fight began again. While their was fighting, another girl gaining on to them and shoot a big bubble to Nick. Then he caught inside. He tried to pop them, but it didn't popped. Because that magic bubble is only pop when they attack that bubble from outside. Ame said Karen was her best friend when Ame was Elementary. Karen looked around. Then she saw Nericka. Karen said Nericka is being control by someone. She saw Nericka's necklace. She shoots something to her necklace. That necklace cut in a half. Then Nericka became as normal. Now, Ame, Liseia, Karen, and Nericka became a team. Meanwhile, at that Devil's secret hideout, there was a girl called Kana, and a four years old guy called L. They were waiting for Nick. But he was not coming (Because he is caught in a bubble). So Kana told L. to find Nick. L. Flew around the sky to find Nick. Then he saw Nick. He shoots Laser to that bubble. It suddenly popped. Nick told L. to bring Kana and Blaze (Blaze might lose, but he didn't died). So they came right over. 4vs.4. now the serious games began. They fight for 1 day. They were all very tired. When Kana knew they all tired, she held her sword and killed Nericka. Everybody suddenly gasped. Kana killed one of their new friends. Even Nick gasped. He looked like he felt very sad. Nericka was Nick’s best friend ever when he was not bad villain. Karen knew even Nick was in a control by someone too. Kana and other guys knew Nick was back to normal. Kana just tried to ran away with Blaze and L. Liseia, Ame, Karen, Nick followed them. Suddenly they saw a really big castle. They knew it was a castle that belongs to that evil Devil. They went inside very quietly. And Nick saw a big chest. So he opened them. There was a shiny rock inside. It shines as the sunshine, and beautiful as the Diamond. Liseia knew it was that Magic Stone that Alice told her. And there was a message. But she couldn't read them because it was a word from Ancient Egypt. Karen told them she can read Ancient Egypt's word. She said that Magic Stone can make Every Wish. But it will not work if you don't really believe that Magic Stone's power, and it will not work if the only one person uses it. They knew they can wish to make that Devil disappear forever. They hold a Magic Stone and Make a wish. Suddenly the stone shines. And that dark castle started to disappear. They knew that Devil is disappeared........forever. Liseia's family and Ame's brother Uki get alive. And Kana, Blaze and L. became nice normal people. And all the other people get free. Little children are saved the whole world. And they lived happily ever after.

**Questions for Peer Reviewers**
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? Your plot was… not that original. You could probably describe more about the castle and the fighting area. Though I liked how you said “peaceful world”. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? The problem in this story is very obvious, Liseia has to fight and get rid of the devil. For me the fighting parts made this story bit interesting. The resolution would be more described because it was little short. 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The characters in this story are very life-like, likable and sort of enjoyable. Though there are so many characters in here that it got a bit confusing in some parts. I also liked how the evil people turned good afterall. 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I believe you had pretty much enough details in this story because I could see the fighting things though you could probably describe the plot like I already mentioned. 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? Overall you story was good and it made sense. Still you could work a bit more with the conclusion 'cause it was quite short for me. Joonatan ISKL.

**Questions for Peer Reviewers**
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?