Alena

**Siblings: 2 sisters**
 * Hi, My name is Alena **
 * Grade: 7**
 * My Favorite Day: MY BIRTHDAY vote from joel **
 * Birth Month: November **
 * Career Goals: Author **
 * Favorite Movie: Pink Panther 2 **
 * Favorite Food: Italian foods **
 * Favorite Snacks: Popcorn **
 * Favorite soft drink: Sierra Mist **
 * Favorite Subject: Computers **
 * Pet Peeve: my sister, Anjali **
 * Pets: none **

My name is Michelle Garbaldi. I am from Valhalla, New York. Me and my twin sister, Kate solve mysteries. Our hardest mystery was about a treasure map during summer camp. But I want to start on how we got ourselves on a one-way ticket to summer camp.

I was in the library (in our house) when I just got an e-mail about going to summer camp. Junk. Another about a waterfall in a summer camp. Interesting. Move to interesting folder. OK so we are not going anywhere since we can't go anywhere. We went to Vermont. We lost our passports in Spain. We need to do something over summer! Maybe... I could convince Kate to go to summer camp. The one with the waterfalls. That would be cool. So now I need to go ask Kate about summer camp. And you can guess what she said. “NO WAY!” “But, you love waterfalls!” I pointed out. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean there is one at the camp.” I raised my eyebrows, hoping she got the hint. “OK but still! “ “Why don’t we just look through the brochure OK?” “FINE!” She said. “See? Isn’t it beautiful?” I said. “Come on Michelle!” “Kate, what other choice do we have?” “We do have a choice. We can stay home, have a slumber party, sleep in, read, shopping, watch movies, anything! The world is open!” “You only mean the state of New York! Come on Kate! The camp is up at the Catskills! It’s perfect temperature up there.” “If you mean I have to wear a sweater up there, then you’re wrong,” “You don’t have to wear a sweater all the time. There’s a swimming competition. Wouldn’t it be fun to win the gold medal? Or maybe a silver or bronze?” “That would be fun...” she muttered. “Then its official! We are going to the Catskills!” “How are we going to get there?” “There’s a camp bus. We can be assistant counselors.” “Happy now?” “Yes, I am.” I said. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> At dinner, I was wondering how we should tell mom and dad about enrolling as assistant counselors at a camp nearly 2 hours upstate. “So, we were thinking about summer camp.” I started. “Which camp do you guys want to go to?” said mom. “Well, I got an email about this really cool camp by the Catskills. There is a swimming competition and ...” “The Catskills! How beautiful. I remember the time when I went there for a research project in college for biology. I love that place. Its wonderful.” “Yeah, we are going to this camp by the Catskills. The waterfall nearby is very beautiful.” Isn’t this going to be cool? It looks like so much fun to go to a swimming competition near such a cool waterfall in the Catskills. I might not bring my laptop. JUST DON’T GET DISAPPOINTED. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< OK So I lied. There was nothing else to do. I decided I would keep the laptop with me with a waterproof cover my dad got me. I am typing this on our ride up to the Catskills. I have BIG news. Sandra and Tiff is coming with us! This is so great! At least I know we couldn’t have much of a sleepover without them. I pointed that out to Kate. “Michelle, for once in your life, Be quiet! I am trying to calm down. This is a nature camp, I decided it would nurture my love for the environment.” ENVIRONMENT THIS, ENVIRONMENT THAT. GET A LIFE KATE! YOU CAN’T SPEND YOUR WHOLE LIFE PROTECTING THE ENVIRONMENT. Was what I was thinking. I was sitting next to Tiff. And she saw what I was typing.!!!!!!! “Wow. Harsh.” She said. Wow? Harsh? That’s all she had to say about what I think of my sister? WHOA! Sorry I’ll go back to lowercase. We just go to the camp. This is so exciting! It has separate cabins all the way up to Cabin 5! We have to name them so let me give you a heads up on them: Cabin 1: Cabin Butterfly Cabin 2: Cabin Future Lies Here Cabin 3: Cabin Waterfallz Rulez. Cabin 4: (our cabin) Cabin Journals R Cool. Cabin 5: Cabin Rock ‘n’ Roll. This camp is so cool! I can’t wait to see all the different nature hikes we get to take! Kate is probably screaming with joy. After all she is an Environmental Freak! Kate and I got chosen for Cabin Journals R Cool AS REPRESENTATIVES FOR THE SWIMMING COMPETITION! I can’t believe it! Kate is in the infirmary, she fainted. At least that’s what it looked like. I am going to go see her. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< IT TURNS OUT THAT KATE FAINTED! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! KATE IS SO TOUGH, I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE FAINTED OVER GETTING CHOSEN TO SWIM IN A COMPETITION. When I saw her in the infirmary I asked why she fainted. Kate said, “What do you mean, I fainted? I didn’t faint. I tripped on a twig or something. I couldn’t see without my glasses, since I forgot them in the cabin.” Then Tiff came and saw Kate on the infirmary bed. I winced. There was going to be an explosion soon and so I put my fingers in my ears. Apparently, I wasn’t fast enough. “WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED?” she yelled. “She tripped over something. She can’t tell what it was since she wasn’t wearing her glasses.” I said looking around for a wipe to clean my fingers from ear wax. “This is not good. This is not good at all!” “Kate, you are going to have to spend the night in the Infirmary.” said Jen. She said with a grimace. Or was it a smile? “I feel so sorry for you. The first day of camp and you already get an injury from tripping.” I said. “ I told you coming here was a bad idea.” She whispered before she fell asleep. When I got to the cabin, I saw a map on my bunk bed. “I saw it too. I wonder where it came from?” said Tiff. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< “Whoa! I wish I was there to see it.”,said a disappointed Kate when I told her everything. “No worries. I already have it under control. I scanned the map onto my laptop.” i said. “Finally, a good use for your technology skills.” she muttered. Environment freak. “I saw that.” said Sandra. she was sleeping on the bottom bunk. I was on the top. WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE AND LOOKING ON MY COMPUTER JOURNAL?????? HONESTLY! “I see you are upset. What is the matter with you grasshopper?” she was teasing me because I was doing yoga last night. Since Sandra took Kung Fu, she knows all the different phrases a sensei would say. This camp is turning out to be very interesting. When we had break, Tiff, Sandra, and I went to find he “Treasure”. we found that the trail led to the forest behind the woods. Just when we were about to go in break was over. OH COME ON DIRECTOR RUBY! <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

Tonight we were planning on finding the treasure but we figured out something else. Let me tell you about our midnight adventure. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

Kate was in the Infirmary when she had some information for us. “Nobody is going on the camp grounds tonight. You can find the treasure tonight!” “OK?” asked Kate “Fine” “Good!” “Excellent!” SO THAT NIGHT WE WENT OUT INTO THE WOODS WITH OUR PAJAMAS, FLASHLIGHTS AND THE MAP. WE FOUND THE TRAILS THAT LED TO THE TREASURE ON THE MAP. I was getting really hyper. But I had a really weird feeling that either: We were being watched or We were being pranked. USUALLY, my instincts are right. Hopefully I am wrong this time. Unfortunately, I am right. We dug up the treasure and found out inside there was a plant in it but i thought it was poison ivy. I remembered the rhyme: LEAVES OF THREE, LET THEM BE.

Inside was a whole lot of poison ivy! Jen pranked us! do you know how i know? Inside was a note that said: I saw a note from her to Kate saying: Then in the forest I heard a branch break and it was nearby. I whirled around. Then I saw a girl in bunny slippers running away. I reconized the slippers that belonged to Jen. All the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place. **Jen** was the one who tripped Kate. There was only one Garbaldi left. That was me. I was the top representative to swim. She just had to get rid of me. Then she would win. But honestly? All this trouble to win a swimming contest? OH YEAH! I WON GOLD! This guy named Geoffrey won silver and Kate won bronze. Another [ CASE CLOSED!]
 * The leaves are from a magical forest. Rub them all over you. When you do that, you will have the instincts of an animal. Like the speed of a cheetah or eyesight of an eagle.**
 * Get well soon!**
 * -Jen**


 * __Questions for Peer Reviewers__**

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?  Great story! It shows me YOU and what your thinking is! Very original plot. Interesting story. The beginning pulls you into the story. You could extend the ending by perhaps making your journey to the "treasure" have more obstacles you could also make the climax more suspenseful. Otherwise, interesting choice of phrases...

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? Was Jen Michelle's friend? I am not quite sure... You could tell the reader more about the characters. Kate was expressed well but the main character who is Michelle I suppose?! Was not that clearly described...The climax could, however, be more suspenseful. Really interesting vocabulary and a very light ending perhaps think of feeding it a bit (making it more detailed)

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? Kate was described through her actions and what you told us, but I don't know any characteristics of Michelle and Jen who is her friend and who played a prank Michelle. You could describe the characters more, especially the important ones. You could do that by showing us (the reader) the character possibly by their thoughts or their actions, instead of telling us that she is _. But I liked the way Michelle said that Kate was an Environment Lover.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you see and hear and experience the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? Great story line but you could give us some clues to show that Jen was the one playing the prank on you. It would be more interesting and would give us (the reader) a topic to think about. I like how you said that Jen was the one who tripped Kate but you could be clearer when you tell us about the note. Perhaps you could show a flashback or make your realization more obvious, but overall you really are a good writer!

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? I have a question, which perspective did you write the story in because you kept on switching? One of the perspectives I noticed you wrote in was journal form which is past tense, and other was present tense. It seemed like you were carrying your laptop around with you and writing every step you are taking. Otherwise, I like your writing it shows you, and you won't believe it but I can actually picture you just by reading your story <span style="color: #520c73; font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;">.


 * //<span style="color: #520c73; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">-ISKL //**