TM-Karoline


 * Hey! My name is Karoline Leavitt; I am 11 years old and in the 6th grade. I live in small town called Atkinson, New Hampshire; and I go to Timberlane Regional Middle School. I live with my mom, dad, and I have 2 older brothers Mike and Joe. My family means a lot to me. I love sports! I play softball, field hockey, basketball, and I absolutely love to ski. Softball is my favorite sport, and I play on a travel team called the Northeast Hurricanes, and I play for my middle school team. I have one dog, and her name is Fluffy. I have a lot of friends and I love to hangout with them. Although, I have a couple best friends there names are… Julia, Olivia, Colleen, Jackie and Abby . My favorite season is summer, and I love going to the beach and swimming. I am always laughing and having fun. I love to shop, and I go to the mall almost every week. My favorite TV shows are The Hills, and American Idol. I love to go on the computer and instant message my friends. I am addicted to my cell phone, and I text way too much. I am really fun to be around, and I can show anyone how to have a good time.

Peaceee (: Karoline Leavitt<3 **

Miranda, Ally’s mom heard the ring of the telephone. She looked at caller ID and was surprised to see that it was her daughter’s cell phone number on the screen; because she was at summer camp with her best friend Samantha. Without even saying hello Miranda heard the voice of her panicking daughter crying through the phone. “Samantha is dead”. As Ally was about to explain, Miranda being the caring mother she is cut her off, “How did this exactly happen?” with a stutter to her voice. ( Three Weeks Before The Accident) Ally Smith and Samantha Willis have been best friends as long as anyone can remember. Doing everything together, and knowing everything about each other, people literally thought they were sisters. On a regular Sunday morning after not going to bed once, Samantha and Ally walked lethargically into the kitchen; to find their mothers sitting at the table drinking coffee together. Ally stared at the steam rising up from her mothers coffee cup. Their mom’s were best friends as well, and were surprised to see their lazy daughters up so early. With a cheerful voice their mothers greeted them. Suddenly, Miranda surprisingly said that she had some news for the girls. “Your going to summer camp for two weeks, you need to do something instead of tanning and talking to boys on the phone.”

Ally and Samantha just looked at each other not knowing what to think. They were in shock, how could their mothers be so crewel?

“You’re leaving in two days, you better start packing. You are going, and I don’t want any complaints.” Added Samantha’s mother.

Ally ran up to her bedroom without a response. Samantha followed excited to go to summer camp. Samantha was more of the outdoorsy type, who liked nature and animals. Ally, not so much. She was more into spending the day at the beach or shopping for sales at the mall. Samantha walked into Ally’s bright colored bedroom and knew that Ally wasn’t going to argue, no matter how bad she didn’t want to go.

Two days passed, and the girls were standing outside Samantha’s house, putting there stuff in the trunk of her moms red Jeep. For Ally, there were a lot of good memories in the car, but this was not one of them. Both of their mom’s were wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, not really caring about how they looked. All they wanted was to drop off the girls and not see them for a while. Before anyone knew it, Ally and Samantha, two best friends were going to what could be the best two weeks of their lives, or a living nightmare.

After a long boring car ride, they finally arrived at the camp. There were many other girls and boys there, looking quite excited. Ally sighed, and Samantha looked out the window with excitement. The camp was filled with counselors, kids from 11 to probably 16, and parents kissing their children good-bye. As Ally and Sam walked out of the car a counselor with bright red hair as red as the Jeep, greeted them with a freshening smile. Ally rolled her eyes, and could care less how nice the counselor was.

“Hello, my name is Stacy, welcome to Camp Summer. Follow me and I will take you to your cabin.”

They walked through a long narrow trail for only a couple minutes and came to six cabins, Stacy told them to go to cabin number 666. Both girls looked at each other weird, this wasn’t going well already. They walked into the cabin and slammed the door, giving Stacy a hint they wanted to be alone. They threw their pink polka dot suit cases on the bunk beds and observed everything in the room. There were two sets of bunk beds, and a rusty toilet with a sink that was dripping water slowly.

“It’s not that bad” Sam said, even though it was a lie.

“Who are you kidding, this place is disgusting. I would much rather be getting a pedicure or getting my hair highlighted.”

“Of course you would, you’re such a little wimp. Let’s go find some boys or new friends. Come on Ally, it will be fun!”

Both girls, experiencing totally different emotions, walked out of the cabin to see two boys walking up the pathway. They were really excited, and confident they would talk to them. The boys introduced themselves, saying their names were Cam and Jake. Surprisingly, they invited them to hangout at their cabin. Without even asking Sam if she wanted to go, Ally agreed immediately.

They left happily. It was getting to be dark, and they were hungry. Ally ran up to the cabin door and opened her suitcase. She pulled out a box of Oreo cookies, and the two girls ate them while thinking and talking about the boys. “Maybe this wont be so bad after all,” said Ally.

They finally got to sleep after along talk about their new crushes. They woke up in the morning to find that they have to go on a kayaking trip. Ally was not to happy with this news because she would much rather be with Cam. Samantha on the other hand, was very ecstatic about their trip!

Ally and Samantha got to pick out their color kayak; they chose one that was black as the night. They jumped into the kayak, Ally in the front and Samantha in the back. Samantha was a little heavier then Ally so it was about to be a tippy ride.

The ripples in the lake were placid; but a little wave caught the boat. Ally was a little anxious because there happened to be alligators in the lake. Samantha assured her nothing will happen. Ally took her for her word and alleviated some of the stress.

One big wave caught them off guard and Samantha fell in because the boat tipped a little too far backwards. Ally was shaking with anxiety. Her friend might have a chance of being eaten by and alligator and she might have to watch the biggest tragedy in her life. Before Samantha had the chance to jump back into the boat an alligator appeared from the side of her eye. Ally was screaming for assistance but they were too far into the lake. The alligator started pulling onto Samantha and spun her with his jaws tightly squeezing her waste. Blood flooded through the east side of the lake and soon, Samantha was gone and Ally was alone in the boat.

A counselor had noticed that Ally and Samantha were out on the boat for to long and went to find them. He finally found Ally after 30 minutes of searching. He asked the shaking girl what the matter was and all that came out of her mouth was "Samantha, fell, alligator, gone." The counselor had picked her up and lightly placed her into his boat. They got back to camp to find everyone staring at them.

Ally, still astonished to have lost her best friend; picked up the phone and immediately called her mother and told her the story. Her mother soon came and picked her up from the camp.

"This is the last time I am ever going to a camp again,"

** Questions for Peer Reviewers **
==== ** edited by BFISBen (Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.) 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? It is a good plot but it is not very original it is creative but there is too much suspense at the end of the story ** ==== ====**i liked the story but there are some parts that i don't understand.also, you have some spelling mistakes... try to read harder through your work before you post it.** **2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? There is no concrete ending and the story leaves you hanging. There is a problem but it is to sudden it makes the story to short. there is no climax ** ==== ==== **I don't understand the ending... it was perfect but suddently, it's cut off... 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?** **the characters are likable but you could but a bit more information about the characters' personality ** ==== ==== **i think the characters are ok but like Ben says, you have to describe them a bit more. 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you // see // and // hear // and // experience // the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? i can sort of see the story in my head but the picture is very fuzzy you should add more deatales to make the story clearer then it will easier to imagen the story. add a climax and more details ****about the camp. ** ==== ====**i think your story needs more detail because sometimes you have to read it again, and again, and again to try to imagine something. 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author** <span style="color: rgb(255,0,0);">** add more deatals to the problem and make the story longer also add more suspenss. **in my oppinion the story is not finished now it is finished i had just started grading before it was finished ====

umm its definetly fishished in my opioin,
and how is the picture fuzzy? when i read it; it was perfect in my mind. i dont think she could do anthing to make it better.