BF-Jordi

Hello my name is Jordi and I'm 12 years old. My favorite thing to do is to do first my homework and then go and play the playstation, like almost everyone in my grade are. I come from India even though I was born here, in Spain. So I am half spanish and hindu. I really like to travel all around the world and go to places likeChina, Japan, America... I have dark skin with a really chocolaty like skin. I only like vegetarian pizza.



Story

The Death

One day, at Rick's house, with Maria and the Martin twins, decided that they wanted to become the secret explorers of Berlin. They always noticed that the people of town always talked about the frightening house that is at the 5 avenue. So the next night, they went for a walk all of them together as the first mission as the secret explorers of Berlin. At nine o'clock, they saw a petrifying house that seemed abandoned. The door all cracked and with rats running on the floor...

The Martin twins were brave enough to go inside and search for any object that might be interesting to study. Later on, a huge scream of the Martin twins came out from the creepy house.

Rick and Maria started to scream just when the one coming out the house. What happened with the Martin twins? Will they survive or not?

They were so scared at the same time that they also decided to leave.

20 years later...

Rick and Maria got married and had a happy life. They were organizing stufff when Rick found the family and friends album, remembering the picture of there best friends, the Martin twins. Rick and Maria remembered of the creepy house the twins died in. Noticing this, they waited until 8:00 pm. Then they grabbed their coats and drove until they arrived to the house.

Ricky opened the door.

CRAAANK, a squealing noise came out of the broken door. When they entered, the door suddenly gets locked and they get trapped inside... Everything was obsucure and chilly, every time they went more in, it colder and colder and colder... They found a door that they were facing directly, infront of them.

Ricky grabbed the knob, turned in, and they both went in.

The rotten dead bodies of there friends were lying down on the floor, covered in dried blood with a humongous bite. Maria screamed so loud that almost exploded Rickies ears, Rick tried to calm Maria but it was too late.

Footsteps could be heard behind the door. When it suddenly opened, a woman with arrows and shot guns, with vampire-like teeth with blood. Because of the panicking, they didn't have time to hide, so the woman started to scream like crazy and attacked Maria. She ripped out all her neck and finally died. Rick started to cry because of the death of her girlfriend.

He knew he was the next one. She threw herself to him but Rick was enough fast to react and escape. He tried to open the main entrance door but before arriving, he fell. Suddenly, some got his feet and and............ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His tragic life ended as if a dust of wind was just blown away.

Since that moment, no one ever came in the house (except a boy went in but 50 years later) but that's another story...

THE END

**Story and Content**
1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?
 * Starting - March 29 (2009):**

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

**Story and Content**
1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?
 * Starting - March 29 (2009):**

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?