BF-Nacho

Hello! My name is Nacho, and I come from Barcelona, Spain. I love to play soccer, it is my favorite sport, and I can't even be one day with out playing soccer. I really dislike my brother and sister, because they are allways bodering me. My soccer team is Barça.

My story Earth's Last Hour People may say we never came from a planet called Earth, but they really know they are wrong, in the year 2009 all of the people in the Earth was supposed to leave their planet because it was going to burn. Now, we are at the year 400064 but we have a story that wrote a little boy 1 hour before half of the world left the planet, and the other half was supposed to stay. Here is the story of a boy from Spain that was supposed to leave:

Everybody is acting crazy, getting their most valuable things, and saying bye to a planet we never treated as nice as we were supposed to. My family instead is more calm than the others, because we know we still have one more hour before the world stays without oxygen. We are really sad, because although we know there is another planet where we can live, nothing will be the same again for the human race. I still can't believe that the other half of the world will need to stay here and die, that is really unfair.

Since there are loudspeakers everywhere, we know how much more time we have before we leave. 45 more minutes, 45 more minutes, that was the time we had left. My mom doesn't stop TELLING my what do. I want to leave here, and I have to decide what I want to keep. I was so nervous thinking about the future that I said to my mom, I don't care, you choose! So she got the exact things I didn't want, but I didn't say anything, I was so scared not even a word could come out of my mouth. 30 minutes! I heared an old man shouting. Then I was unable to move, anybody could move, was it for the oxygen? Yes, I don't know why but it is affecting the gravity, now the gravity ok Earth increased. 15 more minutes and we die if we don't move, what are we going to do now? Then, the sky turned a reddish color, and then all of the clouds disappeared. After that, an object hit my head. I don't remember anything else until the last minute, that I was in a spaceship, and I saw how the Earth started to get smaller, and smaller, and smaller.

This was a story of a kid that lived, but, do you want to know what happened to the people who stayed there and died? Yes, well this is a paragraph by a poor little kid from Jamaica who stayed.

I don't know why, when and what is going to happen to the Earth, but all I know is that a lot of people are going to die, including me. All of the people here are very nervous, and saying bye to life. I'm really scared, because the sky is all red, right now, I would like to have had a family or friends to say by to them, and be with them, but no, I need to be alone because I had never been liked in this little village. The red sky started to open, so we could see the blue sky again. Then,all the water started to evaporate, so there was no water. Then, then, then... There was no oxygen to breath, and we all died.

So what does this writing mean? We need to save our world!

THE END

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

Fantastic story. I dont have much to say to fix it up but about 3 words are spelt incorrectly and about 2 sentences don't make sense. I like the characters in place and the challenges they face but you could probobly add 1 or 2 characters more. I could delfinetly picture the story in my head. Nick