HA-Nick

Hi I'm Nick.

Age: 12 Grade: 6 Birth month: April Fav sports: Australian rules football, Tennis and Cricket Fav subject: P.E Fav lolly: anything Starburst or Natural Confectionary Siblings: one little sister and three older brothers

My Story: RRRRRRRUNRRRRRRRRRNUUUUUUUUUNNNRRRRR!! Ned hears a very loud chainsaw. He looks up from the grave he is digging. He can see a little kid in an orange hoodie with a chainsaw, over by the apple tree. WHOOSH!!! A dark figure is quickly floating towards the kid. The dark figure throws the chainsaw into the apple tree. The chainsaw falls out of the tree and cuts the kid in half. Then a heap of apples retreat out of the tree to cover up the horrible sight. Suddenly another kid comes out of nowhere and yells "Oh my god, you killed kenny!" Then he disapears. "Yay killed someone! now i'm in the mood to go on a killing spree!" said the dark figure. BAM! There goes Paddy and Zelma. KAPOW! The Griffen family are gone. Next are Zoidberg, Lenny and Carl, American dad, Quagmire and Ron Weasly. Ned can't move he is in so much shock. He has figured out that the dark figure is Voldemort. Voldemort has come back to the graveyard with a truck full of dead bodies and orders ned to keep digging. Ned refuses and turns around with the shovel over his shoulder. The end of the shovel hits Voldemort in the head and he falls into the grave. THE END
 * THE WONDERS OF THE GRAVEYARD**

Edited by Patty BFIS

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? It is a bit weird and boring. It does not make any sense. Where do all these characters come from suddenly????? I agree with Patty 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? I think the part where the kid gets cut in two is pretty cool, but the story needs a bit more detail and actioI think the whole thing needs more deatail 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The caracters are cool but a bit weird because they come out of no where and you also combine them with Harry Potter. Your story is very suspense and thats what makes people want to read it. I think that using the Harry potter the simpsons family guy and american dad names is kind of lame

k of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

I would like to see a bit more details and if it could have a little bit more sense and a much better ending.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? The ending needs improvment and the plot.

I think this is such bad story no offense. nilesh