CI-Wendlin

I1001 Flat Tales Project

My Name: Wendlin My Age: 13 My Hometown: Las Vegas NV My Hobbies: I play sports like basket ball, football, and run track. My Favorites: My favorite drink is DP. My favorite food is nachos. My favorite sport is Basket ball. Other things you should know about me: I was born in Honolulu HI and lived there for ten years. Later I moved to Pueblo, Colorado and live here for three years.

 Robby The Kind Boy Robby from Kentucky was a very smart boy of thirteen years. He lived in a small town and was very poor. The town was also very poor. His mom was a single parent for she had a divorce last year. His dad never tried to make contact with Robby. She had to take care of Robby and his younger sister Ann. Robby had black hair and blue eyes. Ann also had black hair but she had green eyes. One day while walking to school Robby saw a homeless man. The homeless man was dressed in rags and had blisters on his hands. Robby stopped by the homeless man and gave him his sack lunch. The old man ate the sack lunch and thanked Robby. Even though Robby could hardly afford the food he had he still was very generous. Robby began walking to school an hour early. Every day he visited the man and gave him his sack lunch. The homeless man and Robby became close. Roby talked about random things like Robby’s family or just people they saw on the street. The man talked about how he had a college degree in business and afterwards everything fell apart. Robby continued to push the man to get a job. The man decided to go for a job many miles away. About a five years later the once homeless man came back. The man was the boss of a large business. When the man came back he was so touched by how Robby had helped him over the years that he helped the town by paying for church repairs, buying air conditioning for the schools, and other stuff. The man also started a homeless shelter for others like him. He also paid for an education for homeless children. This story is about how Robby helped a whole town by showing kindness to a homeless man that most of us would just walk by.
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 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? the plot is very good but it isn't very detailed and i think it could be longer. But the theme of the story is very good, "karma".
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2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? The problem that Robby faces is very interesting but its not long enough. Right after you told us about his problem, you didn't go into detail and just skipped to the homeless mans problem.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? Robby is likable because he is nice but its not very enjoyable because you don't really know much about him.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see // and //hear // and //experience // the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? Next time, maybe there could be more details about robby n his family and to make it more interesting you could make the homeless man really be Robby's father =) also maybe you could add dialogue to see how Robby and the homeless man interact.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? Maybe there could be more details about the man and Robby's relationship and next time maybe make the story longer.

By the way...My story ends in her apartment and her names spelled Erica

Technical Details
1. Punctuation, grammar, word choice.
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The Alien King's Decision
1. On the level of story-telling: if you were the King (or the aliens), would you allow this story-teller to live another day? If no,why not?
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2. Be specific, try not to merely write, " this was good", instead explain what was good about it and why.

3. Nominate "Hall of Fame" stories.

Heyy! I like your story but you use Robby to much. You should try to use he or the boy instead or maybe even a nickname in a sentence like... " Bobby as his father would have called him..." Know what I mean? Anyways, other than the whole Robby thing, you have just enough detail and I would like to see other pieces written by you based on this story.

THNX Markee