ISKL+Rizal

Introduction Rizal Joe Doorman is a 27 year old in the year 1980 with a thirst for revenge. He was going to spend the rest of his years rotting away in the dreaded jail of Alcatraz for a crime he never did. No one knows what really happened that fateful night... except for Joe. Joe was walking along when he heard a cry for help in his girlfriend's house. He sprinted as fast as he could and broke down the door but it was to late, the love of his life lay dead in front of him with a knife in her throat. He ran to her and held her in his arms trying to wake her, trying so hard and before he knew it he was crying. His shoulders went up and down as he sobbed for her but he knew it was no use... she was dead. He looked up and saw a blurry shape run out of the door, he got up and ran after him in hot pursuit. " Stop you murderer!" he said as he ran after him. He reached out with one arm and just managed to grab his coat before he tripped and fell. When Joe stood up the man was already out of sight. Tears spent he walked back to the house when he noticed that there was a wallet in the coat he took. He opened it, took out the credit card and read the name, it read "Nick Doorman". Joe was so dumbfounded by his brothers sudden betrayal that he didn't notice the police sirens blaring and before he knew it he was in jail. Joe knew that it wasn't going to be easy to get his brother I mean he is mafia after all but he would and when he did well you don't need to know that... yet.

One day when Joe was in jail he felt this sudden rage that his brother would have killed his girlfriend that he loved more than anybody. There was nothing he could do but think of a way to get out. He fell asleep and would try to make a plan later. In the middle of the night he woke up and could not stop thinking about his girlfriend. He cried and then was thinking of a plan, he thought about grabbing a guard, and for some reason he thought it would be a good plan. As the regular night guard was walking by he acted like he was sleeping then the guard checked his cell. Then all of the sudden the guard was being choked and he made a high pitch squeal! Joe really was not in the bed there were pillows and the guards all started coming.They opened the cell and then they beat him non-stop. The thing was that he saw how they opened the door, with a special key.

The key was kept in safe in the marshals room. Everyone knew where that was but the thing was... well he didn't really know how to get out of here. He was washing the laundry when he ran into AL Capone. Joe was just sitting there when suddenly a guy with a big scar on his face walked up to me and started doing my job. Joe was about to tell him to get lost when he said " Names AL Capone, Heard you wanna get outta here real bad... looks like it too, you know you're a idiot kid?" For a moment Joe just stood there his mouth agape then suddenly he realized who he was talking to and said in his best "tough guy" voice said "I guess" "Well kid I wanna get outta here as much as you do so here's the plan... You make a big distraction for the guards tonight at the canteen let them take you to the cell and wait." Joe wasn't sure he liked this idea but when he opened his mouth Scarface was already gone. Joe was still thinking of a distraction when the bell rang for dinner. As he was walking a idea started forming in his mind but before he could find another better idea the stinking smell of old grease intruded his mind... it was time. After he took his plate of grease he was walking along pretending to look for a spot to sit but what he was really looking for was the perfect spot. There it was! a guard was holding a tray of slop right behind a prisoner. As he passed Joe threw the plate on the prisoner and quickly changed his empty plate for the one the guard was holding. As Joe expected the prisoner got up an punched the guard in the gut, another guard hit the prisoner in the back and right before he knew it a full scale brawl started. The guards finally managed to get the brawl under control with a few guns and help from the local police of course. As he trudged back to his room he heard someone yell that AL Capone was missing. That made the guards escorting Joe go even faster. After that he just sat in his room waiting for Scarface to bust him out. He didn't have to wait long. Just as he was about to give up he heard a small ticking noise.Joe found that the noise came from the other side of his wall facing the sea. Then just as he turned around the wall exploded and someone came in dragged Joe out, put him on a boat and sped away. When he got up he saw Scarface driving the boat. He told him that he had done a good job and told him that his brother was in Chicago right now. Joe didn't bother asking him how he knew about his brother, He Was just glad to be out. Then he fell asleep but before he did he realized that he didn't even use the key but Joe didn't care, he just fell asleep. But knowing his luck Joe wasn't surprised when he heard a police boat siren blaring behind them.

"hey kid get up there's a gun behind you, use it!" When he didn't get up Scarface kicked him in the face and told him to do it or die. that woke him up. Joe turned around picked up the gun, leveled the aim and saw that it was his brother holding the gun. They both stood there staring at each other for awhile then his brother smiled a evil grin and shot him, one, twice, thrice but amazingly they missed it's mark. He just stood there for a moment when suddenly he realized " I thought you said he was in Chicago!" "I did say //was//" and sped on into the night. His brother thought that he was dead, the police thought he was dead, everyone thought that he was dead but he wasn't and he wasn't about to let this opportunity go to waste...

PEER REVIEW (Saint Michael)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? This seems like an original story. It would be nice to have a better ending. It's kind of confusing when you talk about Joe in the third person, but say I sometimes. i know... i should have done in first peron but then the first paragraph woldent work... ill fix it.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? There seem to be enough complications. The climax is good, but it needs a better ending. fine

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The characters seem pretty life-like. It's a pretty dark story, but the characters are likeable. The diaglog gives good information.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? You had nice details. We'd like to hear where the boat came from. It might be interesting to see a chase. Add a surprising twist to the end. kk,

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? Just the ending needs work. Some more descriptions of the main character would be good.kk