BF-Simeo

Hi, my name is Simeo and my favorite sport is Motocross. In Spain i have been a Motocross champion. I also like basketball but now i usually play soccer. What is your favourite sport? I am 12 years old, my brother is 8 years old and my sister is 29 yers old. Do you have any sisters or brothers? My favorite color is orange. And what is your favorite color? My favorite food is pizza and my favorite fruit is watermelon. What is your fovorite food? And do you like fruit? Well i guess this is it, i hope you respond me back!

Here is my story.

this is me.

**The Enchanted Cemetery**

Once in my house I had a forest with a cemetery very close. My friends came to sleep at my house, their names were Mike, Richard, Ricky, James, Jimmy and me. We said that we wanted to do something fun and scary so the place that we chose was the cemetery. We planned what we would do, and we said that one of us would go alone to the cemetery and the rest of us would hide in the cemetery to scare him. We did it and we had so much fun but then we saw lights and over were the light was we heard many noises, we went to see who he was but Mike by accident steped on a branch but it was to late, the person escaped through subterranien under the cemetery. Then James said, " But should we really follow him! ". He was a little scared but we were too interest for who he was. When we entered it was really dark, we could hear water drops and anything else but just then someone graved me so hard that I almost couldn't even breath, then he told me to don't move or he kills me. He had a knife in his hand, but then Ricky said in a scared tone of voice, "Who are you.u.u.u?" the person breathed and said " I am the guard of the cemetery!" He let me off and run away in the dark tunnel. We were really scared and runned away to my house, we told my mother and like they always do didn't believe us. A couple weeks later my mom saw a light in the cemetery with the car, but she didn't cared. The next days my mom saw the same light with the car and one day stoped the car and went there then we heard a loud scream, it was my mom she saw the face of the guard with red dots on his face and cuts with blood. From that day she learned that she had to trust me.

THE END

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? i think that it was all so sudden and i think you should give more detail 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? it seemed like it was only a summary

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? we dont know that much about the main characters. 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? it didnt give much detail

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? You have a good story but you need to work on your spelling and punctuation i think you should put more detail in it