BF-Silke

hi im silke i go 2 benjamin franklin international school i luv the color blue and green i also luv computer games i luv the series of books called twilight i was born in spain but my mom and dad r dutch my fav kind of writing is descriptive i LUV skiing and rafting i play field hockey my fav song is Circus

silke;-) P.S. i luv playing on facebook P.S.S i luv hip-hop (music)

picture of in madrid in a championship for indoor hockey (driking water) :

We won!!!!!

here is my story:

__School...__

-3rd of September 2001

My teacher is screaming at me for not doing my homework. I have to stay afterschoolto do some stuff with my teacher. "Great, more 'blah,blah,blah' coming out of my stupid teacher's mouth,"I murmured at myself. There was two hrs. of school left plus two hrs. afterschool would equal four hrs. in total. Uhg. (4 hrs. later.) "Yes out of school. Finally. And, I have no homework," I yelled at myself as I skipped around the sandy playground. "I hope mom isn't mad at me," I said. And I raced home. When I got home my mom was cooking dinner. I told my mom what happend. "If this happens again you won't be aloud to go to school any more," said my mom with a stric voice. I was startled at what my mom just had said at me. I went up to my room. I was sooooooooooooooooooo tierd that I fell asleep on top of my english homework. 'Ring,Ring' the school's bell rang. "Shoot I'm going to be late again!" When I got into the classroom everyone was already seated and silent in their hard metal seats. But wait, there was something missing... my teacher. Right when the last bell rang my teacher stormed into the room. But there was something wrong about her: her eyes kept flickering different colors from gold to back to green...And her leg kept twitching. Afterschool I followed my teacher to the bathroom. I carefully opend the door. Inside I saw a person standing in front of my __real__ teacher. I saw that the fake one could transform into anything he wanted. When it tranformed from a human to a a monster with murderous looking eyes it dove for my teacher. In that instant I yelled at my teacher, "Move!" at her while I jumped to grab the beast. It struggled to get loose. Once it got loose it and it jumped for me I heard a beeping noise. It was a enouroums UFO coming for the beast to take him back home. To the moon Titan. My teacher's clothes were worn and ripped. Her lip bleeded. I brought my teacher to the classroom. After putting her in her seet she said she was so greatful that she wouldn't give me homework for the rest of the year. EMMA's editing ideas:

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? why did you end the story with her waking up? it ruined it.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

> > 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? > > 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? > > 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?
 * The problems that your character faced were realistic for a school student
 * I could imagine her getting into trouble for being late and then for not doing her homework
 * the teacher's reaction was pretty believable too
 * yes they are. each character seemed to behave and react predictably
 * yes I felt that the imagery and detail was cool. You even described the hard metal seats and all the character's reactions and feelings
 * the end. Our teacher bans us ending our stories with either "and then he woke up" or "and then he died." It would be much better if something actually got resolved in your story.
 * my suggestion would be that when the beast lunges for you, and you hear the beeping, that you make that beeping sound the sound of the alien space craft coming to land in the hallway. Their leader could get off the space craft and paralyse the alien who was running amok and not doing what the alien leader wanted to do.
 * it could conclude with the teacher letting the student off from doing her homework because she was so grateful for the help the student gave her with the alien.
 * it could conclude with the teacher letting the student off from doing her homework because she was so grateful for the help the student gave her with the alien.