BF-Monica

Hi!

Im Monica. I am 11 years old. I'm from Scotland (United Kingdom). I LOVE cats! I have a small sister that's very annoying! I live in Barcelona. It's a very nice place to live. Summer is the best season, because you can go to the beach and in the swimmingpool EVERY single day! :O I also love dancing and I love watching scary movies! :D My favourite hobbie is...drawing, ice skating, and playing stuff on the computer! :) I LOVE WATCHING THE TWILIGHT MOVIE! I really like Selena Gomez and Britney Spears (her new songs).My favourite color is purple. My nickname is Moni...so you can call me Moni sometimes!

Sincerely,

Moni :)

__The Kidnaper__

In a small village, called Forks, there were two sisters, Isi and Rebecca, they were both 17 years old and they did everything together; they were like best friends. One afternoon, Isi was in a café where a strange boy with a black hood on entered in the café. He was staring every single minute at Isi. Isi was confused and scared, because this boy didn't stop staring at her. When Isi finished her meal, she started walking fast out of the café to her house. She heard footsteps behind her, but she didn't look who it was following her. Then, she heard louder steps geting closer to her, and she looked who it was. It was the strange boy at the café. He ran straight toward her and dragged her to the backseat of his car with a rope tied on Isi's mouth so she couldn't scream for help. Isi could see the stranger's face now, which he had a lot of wrinkly skin, and looked like he was 50 years old.

After a few minutes, Isi found herself in a dark room with a small blanket on the floor and a tiny lightbulb on the ceiling. There was a little window where you could go through there even though it was locked and you needed something hard to open it. You could also see the road on the other side of the building. The were two pieces of rotten bread on the floor. Isi had her mobile with her, so he called Rebecca. Rebecca answered the phone and said: "Isi! Where in the world are you?! Pease tell me! I've been waiting one hour for you to call me." "Rebecca, I'm so glad you've answered the phone! I can't speak very loud. A man kidnapped me and I don't think I'm very far from Forks, but please help me! Do you know that café we always go to, well it's near that road......." Isi murmured and then closed her mobile really fast. "Isi!!! Are you there? I need to know exactly where I can find you. Isi?" Rebecca was screaming.

The man opened the door of Isi's room and had a tray with a green soup that had little purple things going around the soup like if they were worms. He also had very dirty water with white things inside it and said: "Eat this right now! I know you're really scared, but you will never be able to go back home, you're trapped FOREVER!" The man's voice sounded really scary. Isi didn't say anything. The man put the tray with the weird food on top of the half-broken table that was standing next to the blanket on the floor. The man went out of the room and locked the door with a chain. Isi called Rebecca again before her mobile ran out of batteries. "Sorry Rebecca the old man just came in. Well, that road that's next to the café, goes to the direction of where I am trapped. From ten minutes of distance. you'll se a very old, broken, house, with a grayish-whitish windown on the bottom. That's where I am right now. I have a plan." Isi said very stressed. "Very good Isi. Tell me your plan fast before that man finds you talking with me!" Rebecca answered fast. "Okay, so when you get to this house, try to bring something hard to open my window, and then ring the doorbell and try to be like an advertisement person for televisions or something. Try to be quite a long time, so meanwhile I can get out of that window, and then escape! And also try to be like an adult, so the man doesn't thinks it's a joke or anything. Do you think that will work?" Isi said. "Great idea Isi! I'll come as soon as I can." Rebecca replied. "Thank you so much! And good luck.Now I need to go! See you very soon my sister! Love, Isi" She said. "Bye Isi." Rebecca said an closed her cell phone.

It was really late now and Isi was really tired, so thanks to the sweater she was wearing she put it on the floor as a coushin. Then, she lied on the floor with that old, dirty, blanket, and tried to sleep. In the morning, Isi heard the door opening, and saw the old man standing right on front of her. He said: "Have you had a good night? I know you want to escape, but you'll have to live here for the rest of your life so try to beware that you'll never escape, or you'll have a worse life than now." Isi started crying and she said: " I know, but I really want to go back and live with a normal life. Why did you have to kidnap me? I didn't do anything wrong!" "I know! But I'm doing this, because.....I can't say and now shut up! You'll never get out of here! And now keep on doing whatever you were doing!" The man screamed with anger. Isi saw that her mobile was out of batteries and she was hoping that Rebecca would come and save her very soon. In the afternoon, Isi was starving of hunger. She didn't want to eat that disgusting food the old man left her on the table last night. Suddenly, Rebecca had her face on the window knocking and smiling! Isi waved and tried to help her open the window. Then the window opened and Rebecca said: "Isi! I'm so glad I saved you! Sorry for coming so late, there was a lot of people. Now I'm going to the door to distract the man, okay? Try to get out of the window fast!" Rebecca said. "Thank you so much for coming! Now go to the door and distract the old man as long as you can!" Rebecca rang the doorbell. The old man was wearing slippers, and said: "Who are you? I don't want any advertisements you people! How many times do I have to repeat that?" The man said mad. "I'm sorry, but you can buy this really nice house very near the mountains where no one lives there and you can be all alone and it's very cheap. Here you can look at the paper where there's all the prizes."Rebecca acted like an old lady. "Oh, let me see. Maybe it will good for me to live there." The man said. "You can see that this house is the cheapest." "What is this?! You have written this all down! You've tricked me! Get out of my house right now!" The man said really mad. He closed the door hard and ran to the room where Isi was. He opened the door fast and there was no one inside there. Isi had escaped! " NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The man screamed as loud as he could. Isi and Rebecca went to the car fast and went back home. "Rebecca I am so happy that you came to rescue me! You saved my life. So, how did your plan work?" Isi asked. "I'm so happy that we're together again too! Well, my plan worked at the beginning, but then it didn't work." Rebecca said laughing. "Well....you saved me, so I'm very happy." Isi said with a glow on her face. The two sisters gave themselves a big hug.they dicide to buy a house and lived in a place called Arizona. Isi and Rebecca thought about doing EVERYTHING together and not be alone a single minute, because they would fix everything together!

I really liked your story, it was pretty cool. Check spelling errors and when another person starts talking, you have to make a new paragraph. _Karoline- Timberlane. I agree with Karoline 100% because you do have a lot of spelling mistakes and you didnt start a new line when someone new was talking. It was very good besides the spelling and small things like that._Janelle-TRMS

__ The Kidnaper __

In a small village, called Forks, there were two sisters, Isi and Rebecca, they were both 17 years old and they did everything together; they were like best friends. One afternoon, Isi was in a café where a strange boy with a black hood on entered in the café. He was staring every single minute at Isi. Isi was confused and scared, because this boy didn't stop staring at her. When Isi finished her meal, she started walking fast out of the café to her house. She heard footsteps behind her, but she didn't look who it was following her. Then, she heard louder steps geting closer to her, and she looked who it was. It was the strange boy at the café. He ran straight toward her and dragged her to the backseat of his car with a rope tied on Isi's mouth so she couldn't scream for help. Isi could see the stranger's face now, which he had a lot of wrinkly skin, and looked like he was 50 years old.

After a few minutes, Isi found herself in a dark room with a small blanket on the floor and a tiny lightbulb on the ceiling. There was a little window where you could go through there even though it was locked and you needed something hard to open it. You could also see the road on the other side of the building. The were two pieces of rotten bread on the floor. Isi had her mobile with her, so he called Rebecca. Rebecca answered the phone and said: "Isi! Where in the world are you?! Pease tell me! I've been waiting one hour for you to call me."

"Rebecca, I'm so glad you've answered the phone! I can't speak very loud. A man kidnapped me and I don't think I'm very far from Forks, but please help me! Do you know that café we always go to, well it's near that road ......." Isi murmured and then closed her mobile really fast.

"Isi!!! Are you there? I need to know exactly where I can find you. Isi?" Rebecca was screaming.

The man opened the door of Isi's room and had a tray with a green soup that had little purple things going around the soup like if they were worms. He also had very dirty water with white things inside it and said: "Eat this right now! I know you're really scared, but you will never be able to go back home, you're trapped FOREVER!"

The man's voice sounded really scary. Isi didn't say anything. The man put the tray with the weird food on top of the half-broken table that was standing next to the blanket on the floor. The man went out of the room and locked the door with a chain. Isi called Rebecca again before her mobile ran out of batteries.

"Sorry Rebecca the old man just came in. Well, that road that's next to the café, goes to the direction of where I am trapped. From ten minutes of distance. you'll se a very old, broken, house, with a grayish-whitish windown on the bottom. That's where I am right now. I have a plan." Isi said very stressed.

" Very good Isi . Tell me your plan fast before that man finds you talking with me!" Rebecca answered fast.

"Okay, so when you get to this house, try to bring something hard to open my window, and then ring the doorbell and try to be like an advertisement person for televisions or something. Try to be quite a long time, so meanwhile I can get out of that window, and then escape! And also try to be like an adult, so the man doesn't thinks it's a joke or anything. Do you think that will work?" Isi said.

"Great idea Isi! I'll come as soon as I can." Rebecca replied.

"Thank you so much! And good luck . Now I need to go! See you very soon my sister! Love, Isi" She said.

"Bye Isi." Rebecca said an closed her cell phone.

It was really late now and Isi was really tired, so thanks to the sweater she was wearing she put it on the floor as a coushin. Then, she lied on the floor with that old, dirty, blanket, and tried to sleep. In the morning, Isi heard the door opening, and saw the old man standing right on front of her. He said:

"Have you had a good night? I know you want to escape, but you'll have to live here for the rest of your life so try to beware that you'll never escape, or you'll have a worse life than now." Isi started crying and she said:

" I know, but I really want to go back and live with a normal life. Why did you have to kidnap me? I didn't do anything wrong!"

"I know! But I'm doing this, because.....I can't say and now shut up! You'll never get out of here! And now keep on doing whatever you were doing!" The man screamed with anger. Isi saw that her mobile was out of batteries and she was hoping that Rebecca would come and save her very soon. In the afternoon, Isi was starving of hunger. She didn't want to eat that disgusting food the old man left her on the table last night. Suddenly, Rebecca had her face on the window knocking and smiling! Isi waved and tried to help her open the window. Then the window opened and Rebecca said:

" Isi ! I'm so glad I saved you! Sorry for coming so late, there was a lot of people. Now I'm going to the door to distract the man, okay? Try to get out of the window fast!" Rebecca said.

"Thank you so much for coming! Now go to the door and distract the old man as long as you can!" Rebecca rang the doorbell. The old man was wearing slippers, and said

"Who are you? I don't want any advertisements you people! How many times do I have to repeat that?" The man said mad.

"I'm sorry, but you can buy this really nice house very near the mountains where no one lives there and you can be all alone and it's very cheap. Here you can look at the paper where there's all the prizes."Rebecca acted like an old lady.

"Oh, let me see. Maybe it will good for me to live there." The man said.

"You can see that this house is the cheapest."

"What is this?! You have written this all down! You've tricked me! Get out of my house right now!" The man said really mad. He closed the door hard and ran to the room where Isi was. He opened the door fast and there was no one inside there. Isi had escaped!

" NOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The man screamed as loud as he could. Isi and Rebecca went to the car fast and went back home.

"Rebecca I am so happy that you came to rescue me! You saved my life. So, how did your plan work?" Isi asked. "I'm so happy that we're together again too! Well, my plan worked at the beginning, but then it didn't work." Rebecca said laughing.

"Well....you saved me, so I'm very happy." Isi said with a glow on her face.

The two sisters gave themselves a big hug. they dicide to buy a house and lived in a place called Arizona. Isi and Rebecca thought about doing EVERYTHING together and not be alone a single minute, because they would fix everything together!

done by Jake H, this is how i think you should fix this

** Questions for Peer Reviewers **
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I think the plot has been used many times before so it's not very origanal. i suggest having a extra twist to the story, like having rebecca have a gret secret or something

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? Yes i think that the story has some good suspense.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? not much description

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you // see // and // hear // and // experience // the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? yes they are detailed 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? i think that the people seemed lifeless, they didn't care that one of them had just been kidnapped and then escaped. No police. No chase. No reason why he kidnapped

=__COMMENTS!__=
 * __H__**ey that was the best story ever i love how you have made it short but you have all the piont together the last part i think was a bit to long a i think you should break it up into smaller paragraphs. nut other wise it's great.