Ashley+L

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There was a girl named Adora Bowl-Waters. She had the power to walk on top of waters and could move it too. Nobody knew she could though. She knew that people would think she was CRAZY if she ever told them. She tries to forget that she has it but every now and then she will secretly go to the lake 2 blocks down and will run across it as fast as she can. She gets this rush that she can do anything. She doesn’t really like living with her mom and where she lives. Her parents are divorced and she visits her dad every 2 weeks.

Another girl named Jazsmin Hernandes was the popular one in her grade. She had a lot of friends and pretty good grades. Her parents were really successful. Her mom and lawyer and her dad a dentist. She had the power to read peoples minds, and she let everyone know it too. The only thing she really wanted was her parents love. They ignored her and often tried to buy her love. All of her “friends” secretly hated her. She knew that because she read their thoughts.

Arianna Banks lives in New York and misses her friends. She had just moved from Georgia where she was living for about 8 years and she had really good friends and a nice house. She liked her old school better than her new school. Ariahana is going back to Georgia in the summer and she cannot wait. She’s been in NY for 2 years. She has the power to see the future. Her mom and brother knows that she can but she doesn’t know if she should tell her friends. She’s counting down the days until she goes back and all her friends are just as excited as she is.

“But Mom, why are we moving?!” “Jazsmin we already told you your fathers business is re-locating to New York.” “Now the movers will be here at 3, go say goodbye to your friends.” Her friends were the least of her worries, she liked her school and her teachers and her nice house, but she went over to her friend’s houses anyways. When she told them she was leaving they pretended they were sad but according to their thoughts they could care less. On second thought, maybe moving would be good. Meet new friends and get a new school. The more she thought about it the more excited she got…

Arianna woke up to a regular day. School dragged more than usual though. She was walking home from her bus when she got this feeling that she was going to meet someone interesting. While she was walking up to her house she saw that the house next door to her had a moving truck parked in front. She just kept walking like there was nothing there. The next day her doorbell rang. It was her new neighbors. “Hi, I’m Barbara Banks and my daughter Jazsmin, we are your new neighbors.” “Oh hi im Arianna and welcome, let me get my mom” “Hello!” her mom said as she reached out to shake her hand. “Come on in ill show you the house.” Arianna had to go show Jazsmin her room. Her mom says it’s polite. She all of a sudden got this feeling that her and Jazsmin would be good friends. Jazsmin was reading her mind and she saw that Arianna was thinking they would be friends. So she says “Do you wanna come see my room?” When they get to Jazsmins house she sees a lot of mover workers bringing in all this nice furniture. When they get to her “room” it’s all just a bunch of stuff crammed into a huge space. “Its not really set up yet. At all actually hahah.” Jazsmin and Arianna end up going to the mall to show her around a little, where they see Adora and with her mom and brother at the food court. Adora and Jazsmin bumped into each other spilling both of their trays. “Oh wow sorry,” said Jazsmin “Haha its fine it was only like $2.50.” Soon after they also got along. Jazsmin introduced her to Arianna and they all wanted to hang out. “I cant ya guys I have my grandmas funeral and my relatives are really depressed and stuff but.” The funeral got rained and postponed until the following Friday. Arianna and Jazsmin stuck around with each other that night, and Adora was with her family, but they had gave each other their phone numbers. The next day they all hang out at Arianna’s house. “Wow guys I don’t wanna go back to Georgia!” “But you ARE coming back for summer right??” they both said together. “YES yes yes!” Adora went back home after the funeral and Arianna and Jazsmin were best friends. Adora did come back for summer and the 3 of them are inseparable.

Questions for Peer Reviewers

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? || Type in the content of your new page here. ** Ashley L edit by Kirklan ** 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I think that the plot is original. It is very creative. I don’t really have any suggestions.
 * Starting - March 29 (2009): **

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? Problems that the characters face are trying not to make fools of themselves by telling people about their powers. The climax is great. The powers create great tension. The resolution happens to be nice.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? I think that the characters are so lifelike that they could pop out of the screen and be perfect in this world and still use their powers perfectly.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 204);">The imagery and details are wonderful. In the next revision of the story I would like to see some grammar corrections. Example- you wrote “Come on in ill show you the house.” I would write “Come on in. I’ll show you the house.”


 * 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 204);">The only areas of the story that need the most improvement are the grammar errors. I would suggest going through and finding places that are improper when it comes to grammar. **