TM-Cara

Hi. My name is Carolyn Olson, but people call me Cara. I’m eleven years old and my birthday is July 3rd 1997. I love sports, my family, and hanging out with my friends. I’m on team 6A diamonds in TRMS. Another thing I like to do is dance, which I do competitively. I live in New Hampshire, which is in the northeast part of the United States. My favorite sports are definitely volleyball and lacrosse. My best friend is Stephanie Dattilo who isn’t on my team, but we still hang out all the time. I have two brothers Donovan who is 13 and Robby who is 6. They can be annoying most of the time, but they’re my family so I love them. A few of my other best friends are Katie, Faith, Shelby, and Danielle. My favorite animal is a turtle. My favorite show is So You Think You Can Dance. My favorite color is orange. I guess that’s everything you need to know about me. Your friend, Cara

=ONE = =It was Thursday May 7th 2009 at 8:00 PM and Stacey Ryans was walking home from the mall with her best friend Taylor. They were talking about the homework that Mrs. Shackler had given them in social studies. “What’s even the difference between a philosopher and a Sophist?” exclaimed Taylor. “She was talking about it in class. Weren’t you listening?” “Well, yeah, sort of…” Stacey smiled. “You were texting Shane, weren’t you?” “…Yeah.” Taylor glanced at Stacey and giggled. They continued to talk about Mrs. Shackler and school and friends. All of a sudden, they heard footsteps behind them with an odd pattern to them, like somebody was tripping and stumbling. Stacey and Taylor locked eyes and stopped dead in their tracks. When they looked behind them, they saw two figures. One seemed like a young girl skipping along slowly then quickly, wearing a white dress and no shoes. She paid no attention to either of the frightened girls, but she was headed right towards them. The other was a man in a long beige trench coat and hat. He was marching about 250 feet away from the girls. The hat shaded his face. Stacey’s heartbeat quickened. She grabbed Taylor’s hand. But they couldn’t walk away. They were too scared to move. The next scene they saw was the most horrifying experience they’d ever lived through. The man walked faster and faster, and there was black blur behind him like smoke. The girl slowed down and started to cough and gag. The man kept walking. The girl fell to the ground, still. The man paid no attention to her but kept walking right over her. The girl screamed in agony. Blood leaked onto the street. Soon the girl was silent and the man simply turned and walked away into the black night. The still body lay in front of Taylor and Stacey. They didn’t know what to do; it was too late to call for help and they were too scared to do so anyway. So they just ran as fast as possible home. = =TWO = =The next morning was odd. When Stacey woke up, she had a guilty but terrifying pain in the pit of her stomach. She expected to go downstairs and find her mother watching the news with the lead story of a young girl being killed in unexplained accident. But after she quickly got ready, she rushed downstairs and found something peculiar. Her mother was, as usual, making breakfast with the TV on. But the news was normal; weather, traffic, politics. Stacey walked over to her mom. “Mom, did you hear what happened?” “Good morning Stace! I didn’t hear. What happened?” “Well…” Stacey considered the ways she could break the news to her mom without telling her that she’d actually witnessed a murder. “I heard on my radio that a girl was unexplainably murdered and nobody knows why!” “Really,” Stacey’s mom had a hint of disbelief in her voice. “Yes! It must have been on the news so far,” Stacey whined. “No, it wasn’t. I’ve watched the whole thing. It’s almost over. Sweetie, it must’ve been a bad dream.” Stacey considered this. Maybe it had been a bad dream! “You’re probably right, Mom. I’ll see you later.” Stacey bounded out the door. She quickly called Taylor. “Hello?” “Taylor! I need to talk to you. I’ll be at your house in five.” “Oh my god! Stacey, I-” Stacey quickly pressed the red //end// button on her cell and jogged quickly to Taylor’s house. Taylor was waiting out on the lawn. Stacey rushed over to her. “Do you remember what happened last night?” she gasped. “YES! It was so-I feel so, I just…” Stacey sighed with the thought that what had happened last night had actually happened. “Ugh. I was hoping that maybe it was a dream. I guess not. What are we going to do about it? I mean, it wasn’t even on the news yet.” “Well, maybe nobody noticed it yet. We’ll go down to where it happened and if we still see the girl, then we’ll just start screaming and yelling. Or maybe the police are down there right now checking out the scene.” Stacey sighed, relieved. “Good idea, Tay. Let’s go.” The two girls continued walking down the street, taking the route that would lead them to the scene that they witnessed last night. But when they got there, there was nothing. No girl. No blood on the sidewalk. No police. It was exactly how it had been before the incident. Taylor and Stacey looked at each other. “Do you think maybe they cleaned everything up?” Stacey asked. “There are two things about that, Stacey. Blood doesn’t come out of cement all that easy. There would be some trace of it. And there would still be people here. They don’t just clean up and leave. It’s just not possible! I even did a project on crime scene investigation last year!” “Oh yeah, I remember that,” recalled Stacey. “If nothing was ever here, then what did we see last night?” “I don’t know,” whispered Taylor. = =THREE = =At school that day, Stacey and Taylor tried there hardest to keep quiet about everything. Besides, nobody would even believe them. The incident was all they could think about. They were distracted in all their core classes, except for in language arts. Both girls wrote in their journals a story about two girls who witnessed a murder but there was no evidence the next day. Mr. Indigo commented on the details of the story. “Stacey and Taylor, this is an amazing story. Did you two collaborate on this?” Mr. Indigo said. “Um…yes,” Stacey mumbled. The two girls continued to write in their journals until the bell for 3rd period rang. They closed their notebooks and rushed off to Spanish class with Senorita Torres. On the way, their friends Audrey and Mady ran up to them. “Hey, guys!” gushed Mady. “Hi,” Taylor and Stacey said quietly. “Oh my god, guess what? I got a B- in Social Studies!” shrieked Audrey, who had a reputation of bad grades. “Yeah, I was like, so surprised when he told me.” Audrey and Mady picked up on Stacey and Taylor’s odd behavior. “What’s wrong? Oh my god, are you mad at me?” Mady yelped. “No! No, we’re not mad at you. Swear.” Taylor promised. “Okay, then what’s the problem?” Aubrey asked. Stacey and Taylor looked at each other and sighed. “They’re not gonna believe us,” advised Stacey. “I know they’re not. But we have to tell somebody; it might as well be them.” Taylor said. “Okay. Um, hey! Do you guys all want to sleep over my house tonight? It will be fun.” Stacey perked up. “Yes! We haven’t had a sleepover in weeks, Stace,” Audrey said happily. “Yeah, I’ll be there. I’ve got to tell my mom first.” Mady smiled. Taylor pulled Stacey away. “What are you doing?” she mumbled angrily. “Chill, Tay. This is how we can tell them what happened without any distractions.” Taylor smiled. “Good idea!” Just then, Stacey’s boyfriend Brad snuck up behind her. He put his hands over her eyes. “Guess who?” he sang. Stacey turned around and hugged him. “What’s up?” said Brad. “Hey!” Stacey grinned. She barely even remembered the conversation she was having with Taylor, and she walked off with Brad to science. Taylor sighed and walked to science with Aubrey and Mady. = =FOUR = =That afternoon, Stacey and Mady walked home together with Brad and Mady's boyfriend Riley. Taylor had a dentist appointment, and Aubrey had a ride from her mom. "Tonight will be soo much fun! We can do makeovers, and watch movies, and eat popcorn! And oh my god, we should so stay up all night! Because I just got a new movie, that one, what's it called, um, The First House on the Right? Oh wait, maybe it's The Fourth House on the Left. The Sixth House on the-" "The Last House on the Left, Mad." Stacey huffed. "Oh, that's right! The Last House on the Left. I can handle that. I can soo handle it. Can you guys handle scary movies? Last time I remember, Aubrey was so screaming her head off! That was a fun night. Well, before Aubrey left. Wasn't that a fun night? Remember, we made cookies and then prank called Mrs. Keenan. Taylor had such a good fake voice. I was laughing so hard- and then you pushed that pillow in my face!" Mady had a problem with rambling for a long time. So Stacey tuned her out and kept walking. Suddenly, something shadowy and dark caught her eye from across the street. Stacey turned quickly and gasped. It was the same man who had trampled over that girl last night. He was almost gliding above the surface of the sidewalk. Again, he had the black wake drifting behind him. He was looking at the ground, but he whipped his head up to look at Stacey, as if he could feel her presence over the other people walking, biking, and jogging along Berendo Drive. Stacey shrieked. Mady immediately stopped babbling. "Whoa, Stacey! What the heck? Why'd you scream like that?" "Um...I, I just..." Stacey gazed at Mady and Brad, who stared at her with concern. Riley was ignoring everything. "I just was practicing a scream, for tonight," Stacey finished, managing a fake laugh. Mady smiled, but Brad looked into the distance where Stacey had been looking when she screamed. Stacey looked too, but the man in the coat wasn't there. She sighed and kept walking home, remembering to tell Taylor what had just happened. *** Later that night, Aubrey and Taylor arrived with their overnight bags. "Hey, girls!" welcomed Mrs. Ryans. "We were waiting for you two. We're going to order some food; what do you girls want?" "Uh, I'll just have a salad," Taylor said. "I'll have pizza," Aubrey pushed past Stacey's mom, walking towards where Mady and Stacey were sitting. "So girls, what's your plan for the night? Movies? Mall? Or maybe a spa night with me?" she smiled. "Thanks mom, but we're just going to be in my room. Call us when dinner's here," Stacey muttered. "Oh. Alright," Mrs. Ryans frowned. The four girls headed up to Stacey's room with snacks and sodas, and of course The Last House on the Left, which Mady had remembered. They entered Stacey's room and closed the door tightly. Stacey retired to her bed, Aubrey leaned into her desk chair, and Taylor and Mady sprawled on the floor. "So, girls, what should we do first? I suggest we should start this partay with a prank call or two?" Aubrey snickered. "Well, actually, Taylor and I have something to tell you guys," managed Stacey. "Oh-Kay...shoot." Aubrey put her chin in her hands and leaned on her elbows. "Well...you guys have to believe us. We're NOT making ANY of this stuff up, I swear; no matter how ridiculous it sounds," Taylor sighed. Mady huffed. "Okay! Just tell us!!" Stacey and Taylor poured out their emotions. They took turns saying parts of the story, chiming in if the other person forgot something. They included how they'd "collaborated" on their "story" in language arts, and Stacey told the girls how she'd seen the same man earlier on Berendo. "And //that's// why I screamed," she told Mady. "Oh...well that makes sense, since even I know that you wouldn't scream in the middle of the street." "Wait one minute! I'm sorry, guys, but last time I checked you two were world-class tricksters. I don't believe one minute of this," Aubrey squinted. "Uh, but Aubrey, I swear, Stacey, like, totally flipped out on the way home today. Even ask Riley." "Or ask Brad!" Stacey piped up. "Ugh...fine. I believe you... for now," Aubrey sighed. "Okay, ladies, let's get this party started!" bopped Mady. She stood up and inserted The Last House on the Left into Stacey's DVD player. She pressed play, and the girls settled back with their dinner. Aubrey dipped her French fry into the ketchup and said, "Oh my gosh, I can't do scary movies! AAAAHHH!" "Aubrey. It's a commercial for My Little Pony On Ice!" yelled Mady. "...Oh," Aubrey shrunk back into Stacey's soft pillows. = = = =FIVE = =Some strange stuff happened while the group of friends watched Mady's movie. First, Aubrey freaked out and went into the other room to watch TV by herself. "Your loss!" laughed Taylor, Mady, and Stacey. Next, the washing machine timer went off and all of the girls screamed. But the scariest part was in one of the scenes. Two of the main characters were walking down the street. But something unusual was in the set. In the far left corner, a man in a long beige trench coat was walking quickly, his hat covering most of his face. But this time, you could see the man's mouth. His mouth had a scar across it, crackling like a lightning bolt over his thin lips. Stacey and Taylor shrieked and grasped the pillows in their hands. "Gosh, guys, this part isn't that scary," Mady looked at them. "No! Look! It's, it's... the guy! The one we told you about!" gasped Stacey. "I’ve gotta see this!" Aubrey rushed out of the other room. "Look! Just, right there! Taylor paused the movie and pointed to where the mystery man stood. "Where? I don't see it!" Mady and Aubrey looked closely at the screen. "There's no guy!" Stacey and Taylor gaped at each other. They couldn't believe that they were the only ones who could see this man. "Um...never mind. I guess we were just...seeing things. Let's just go to bed," Stacey said sadly. "Whoa! This is so unlike you! Usually, we stay up all night!" cried Aubrey in disbelief. "Whatever. I'm tired. Night," Stacey halfheartedly pulled the sheets up to her chin. Taylor climbed into the bed next to her and they both immediately fell asleep, trying to get everything out of their heads. The next morning, Aubrey and Mady had an early ride home. Taylor stayed at Stacey's house for a while, and she walked home with Stacey late that night. Everything was going perfectly fine, until the man in the beige trench coat showed up behind them. The two girls turned around slowly and grabbed hands. This time, the man wore no hat. His skin was stretched tightly across his skull and the scar he had drew all the way from his chin to the top of his forehead. Everything went in fast forward mode. He grabbed Taylor by the neck and she screamed bloody murder. He threw her on the ground and cackled wickedly. His voice sounded like dead leaves crumpling under your feet. Taylor looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. Stacey began to cry, too. "Please! Don't!" Taylor sobbed. The man kept laughing and stomped over her. It all happened so fast. Taylor was dead. = =SIX = =The next Monday at school, Mady and Aubrey acted odd. "Hey, um, guys? Why's Taylor absent?" Stacey asked, like she didn't see her best friend get killed. Mady and Aubrey looked at each other, confused. "Who's Taylor?" they said in unison. Stacey's jaw dropped open. "You know, our best friend? Blond hair? Green eyes?" Aubrey put her hand on Stacey's forehead. "Stace, are you feeling okay?” she asked, genuinely concerned. Stacey felt like she was going to throw up. Everything was falling apart. Her best friend had died. Her two-second best friends had forgotten her almost directly after. That night, as Stacey and Aubrey walked home, the same thing happened to Aubrey: a man in a beige trench coat brutally murdered her. The next day, Mady acted like she'd never met Aubrey in her life, as did everybody else. The next week, the same thing happened to Mady, on the way to the movies. A month later, Brad went. Then, her sister Jamie was killed. Slowly, all of Stacey's loved ones were dying. She became isolated and stopped eating. She turned pale and thin. Eventually, Stacey went insane. She had to be hauled away into her own straightjacket, her own padded cell, in a psychiatric correction facility. Nobody ever heard from her, or the mysterious trench coat man, ever again. = = = =THE END <span style="font-weight: normal; font-size: 16pt; color: black; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 24.0pt;"> =

.Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I think the plot is really good and i wanted to keep o reading and reading!!!! I don-t think you should change anything because the story is very good! 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? There is a lot of tension and suspense, you have really good ideas, it is also very interesting!!! 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The characters are very well described and are very life/like!!! I also like your dialogue's a lot. 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I think that at the end you should change it a little, because my class-mate, Blanca S got cinfused aand thought the story was not finished. 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? I think everything is really good described just maybe change the end a little.