BF-Patty

Hi, my name is Patricia im from Barcelona and I speek English and spanish perfectly. I love the colors lime green and blue. I love movies. I have two brothers. I love sushi and and smoothies.My best friend are Ona and Silvia

My Story THE GIRL

Once upon there was a girl called Meredith she loved scary stories and always freeking people out. That summer she decided to go to the camp called SCARY . The first few weeks she loved it but one day was the night of scary motion really reffered to the haunted house. She thought it was ridiculous and that it would not be scary at all. So that night all the moniters set it up and left the camp. When they got all ready and it was their turn they saw a humoungus house that used to be from some hobos. Everyone knew that there was one more hobo left. They didi not know if it My Story

what i did to fix your story.

THE GIRL

Once upon there was a girl called Meredith she loved scary stories and always freeking people out. That summer she decided to go to the camp called SCARY MOUNT. The first few weeks she loved it but one day was the night of scary motion really reffered to the haunted house. She thought it was ridiculous and that it would not be scary at all. So that night all the monitors set it up and left the camp. When they got all ready and it was their turn they saw a humoungus house that used to be from some hobos. Everyone knew that there was one more hobo left. They didi not know if it was dead or alive. Meredith act like she was not scared but in real life she was eating her pants off. When they went in, in the middle of it Meredith dissapered. Her friends started screaming and ran out. The next morning the monitors did not come back. Everyone was freeked out. Everybody wondered why Meredith did not come back. Well, I forgot to tell you but there is a legend that is that if you take the haunted house as a joke you get taken away to a bad place. When they went back to find her they found a person lying...

the ones highlighted in pink are ones I fixed what is in yellow is what needs to be fixed spelling, and other things that I didn’t understand or couldn’t figure out what it was or what It meant was dead or alive. Meredith act like she was not scared but in real life she was eating her pants off. When they went in, in the middle of it Meredith dissapered. Her friends started screaming and ran out. The next morning the moniters did not come back. Everyone was freeked out. Everybody wondered why Meredith did not come back. Well, I forgot to tell you but there is a legend that is that if you take the haunted house as a joke you get taken away to a bad place. When they went back to find her they found a person lying...

I underlined the sentence because I was confused about what you meant.

Im the one in the scarf.

HEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY GIIIIIRRRRLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR PICTURE LOOKS LIKE PATTY AND SELMA OF THE SIMPSONS NICK

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? your plot is origananl 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? the susspence wasnt at a high high level but it was kind of a high level 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? the carector were very life lilke i could just picture it in my head 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?you kind of helped me hear and see what was going on

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

The plot is alright. I like scary stories but if this was meant to be one it wasn't the best. it has to be more thrilling and exciting. You need to add more characters and say more about them. There is not much complications and problems and stuff so thats another thing you can add. This story is probably better than myn but it still needs alot of work. Nick