BF-Samuel

 Hi my name is Samuel. I'm from South Africa but now I lie in Barcelona. What sport do you like? I like soccer. I know that in Australia people like cricket but South Africa beat Australia. I have 2 brothers. I have been to Australia. I went to Sydeney. It was amazing. I like music mostly anything except opera and classical music.

The Problem

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There was a kid named Jason a really nice kid and he was 9 years old. One day he was walking back home and a big 16 year old boy came to him and started beating him up. Until a grown up came and told him to stop. That happen everday, he tried to explain to his mom but she always ignored him. He decided to try stop the problem. So the next day he decided to try make another route to get home but, the only way was that way. The next day he walked that way and he told the boy to stop hurting him. The boy said I'll stop bothering you if you play against my basketball team with a team that you form. My teammates are all going to the top basketball academy. Meet us at Springfield High School in 2 months, all scoutes are going to come watch, deal? Jason agreed with it. There's two problems James dosen't have a team and he dosen't know how to play basketball. He not a sporty person, concentrates more on school work. So the next day he ask his four James, Luke, Benjamin and Oscar, they also don't know how to play basketball. They start the playing in the public park. Then, Oscar said "we suck" we need a trainer". At that moment someone said "I will" they all looked back, it was the one and only Michael Jordan. "Why you need a trainer" asked Michael Jordan. Bbbbeeecccaauusee aaa bbuullyy mmmaadde aa ddeeeaalll ttoo pplllaaay aaa gggaaammmeee said Jason shocked to see such a famous athlete. "Oh I hate bullies" shouted Michael. I'll teach how my dad tought me me how to play basketball. "We start by running 50 laps around the court and then do 100 sit-ups, okay"? "Ok" the boys said sadly. After they were done Michael said you tomorrow. The next they run 50 laps and 100 sit-ups, again. Then Michael taught them how to bounce the ball and run also, how to shoot inside the area. The shooting didn't go well. then the next day Michael taught them a trick to aim the ball, then they were good at shooting. The boys got along well with Michael he was a guy who is really amazing. One day the bully overheard the boys say see you at the park the bully went to the park and saw he saw they were trainind with Michael and saw they got good, he got really mad. The next day the bully saw Jason walking home, he went up starting to beat him and said we are going to beat you. The next day Michael started to teach them the rules it was very complicated for them, it just didn't make sense to them. When they figured it out, they practiced drills that Michael used in his team that he played for. It was complicated but, they are smart so they figured it out. It was a week and they were feeling the pressure. The bully didn't want to lose. One day when Jason was walking home the bully walked up to him and grabbed Jason's arm trying to snap his arm, he didn't but he fractured his bone and can't pick up a ball for a month. Everyone was disappointed. His friends caried on practicing for the past week he was really sad watching them. It was a day before the game and when James thew the ball it and it hit the board and went to Jason he picked it up not thinking about his fractured bone and threw it back without a problem. As soon as he noticed, he ran to his house and his mom took him to the doctor, and the doctor said it wasn't really his hand he scanned it was the costumer before and nothing was wrong. He ran back to practice for the game tomorrow. They are confident. Jason woke up at 8:00am for a morning run with the boys. 3 hours later was the game on a cold winter day. A lot of people were there and Micael was our coach for the game. BRRRRRRR the whisle blows, the game is off and the bully gets the ball. Passes it to his teammate and SWISH in for a 3 pointer. So Jason passes it to Oscar and Oscar tries to dribble but the bullies friend tackles him and does a slam dunk. The bullies team was dominated the first half 15-0. "Boys come on" shouted Michael. "You are better than this". So, the second half started and the boys got a two pointer. back and forth goal for each team and then the second half was finished. It was 36-24. The third half was so equal but, the bullies were doing a lot of fouls and the boys were really angry it ended at 40-32. So the forth half started and it was the last half. The bullies were tryind to injure the boys but, they were to fast it was 53-50 it was really close and it was a minute left. The bullies just got a three pointer and it was thirty seconds then suddenly from half court Jason threw the ball and it was in 56-53. It was 10 more seconds and jason had the ball, now it was 5 more seconds and then Jason shot and scored 56-55. The bullies started and one boy was about to shoot but, it slipped out of his hands and right to Jason and Jason ran and it was less one secon and Jason shot and scored right at the end of the game 58-55. They were all happy. Then this one man with a suit came up to the boys and said "What a game I can't believe you are just 9 I am a scout for LA Lakers and I was just wondering to you want to come to our acedemy?" "Sure!" said the boys. Jasom went up to Michael and said "Thank you for helping us" Michael sain "Sure no problem you will always be your friend, See you soon" Michael became the coach of LA Lakers. The boys were not bullied for the rest of their and became superstar basketball players in the LA Lakers and guess who was their coach? It was Michael Jordan.===== The End

These are the spelling errors in your story you should probably fix them

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**There was a kid named Jason a really nice kid and he was 9 years old. One day he was walking back home and a big 16 year old boy came to him and started beating him up. Until a grown up came and told him to stop. That happen everday, he tried to explain to his mom but she always ignored him. He decided to try stop the problem. So the next day he decided to try make another route to get home but, the only way was that way. The next day he walked that way and he told the boy to stop hurting him. The boy said I'll stop bothering you if you play against my basketball team with a team that you form. My teammates are all going to the top basketball academy. Meet us at Springfield High School in 2 months, all scoutes are going to come watch, deal? Jason agreed with it. There's two problems James dosen't have a team and he dosen't know how to play basketball. He not a sporty person, concentrates more on school work. So the next day he ask his four James, Luke, Benjamin and Oscar, they also don't know how to play basketball. They start the playing in the public park. Then, Oscar said "we suck" we need a trainer". At that moment someone said "I will" they all looked back, it was the one and only Michael Jordan. "Why you need a trainer" asked Michael Jordan. Bbbbeeecccaauusee aaa bbuullyy mmmaadde aa ddeeeaalll ttoo pplllaaay aaa gggaaammmeee said Jason shocked to see such a famous athlete. "Oh I hate bullies" shouted Michael. I'll teach how my dad tought me me how to play basketball. "We start by running 50 laps around the court and then do 100 sit-ups, okay"? "Ok" the boys said sadly. After they were done Michael said you tomorrow. The next they run 50 laps and 100 sit-ups, again. Then Michael taught them how to bounce the ball and run also, how to shoot inside the area. The shooting didn't go well. then the next day Michael taught them a trick to aim the ball, then they were good at shooting. The boys got along well with Michael he was a guy who is really amazing. One day the bully overheard the boys say see you at the park the bully went to the park and saw he saw they were trainind with Michael and saw they got good, he got really mad. The next day the bully saw Jason walking home, he went up starting to beat him and said we are going to beat you. The next day Michael started to teach them the rules it was very complicated for them, it just didn't make sense to them. When they figured it out, they practiced drills that Michael used in his team that he played for. It was complicated but, they are smart so they figured it out. It was a week and they were feeling the pressure. The bully didn't want to lose. One day when Jason was walking home the bully walked up to him and grabbed Jason's arm trying to snap his arm, he didn't but he fractured his bone and can't pick up a ball for a month. Everyone was disappointed. His friends caried on practicing for the past week he was really sad watching them. It was a day before the game and when James thew the ball it and it hit the board and went to Jason he picked it up not thinking about his fractured bone and threw it back without a problem. As soon as he noticed, he ran to his house and his mom took him to the doctor, and the doctor said it wasn't really his hand he scanned it was the costumer before and nothing was wrong. He ran back to practice for the game tomorrow. They are confident. Jason woke up at 8:00am for a morning run with the boys. 3 hours later was the game on a cold winter day. A lot of people were there and Micael was our coach for the game. BRRRRRRR the whisle blows, the game is off and the bully gets the ball. Passes it to his teammate and SWISH in for a 3 pointer. So Jason passes it to Oscar and Oscar tries to dribble but the bullies friend tackles him and does a slam dunk. The bullies team was dominated the first half 15-0. "Boys come on" shouted Michael. "You are better than this". So, the second half started and the boys got a two pointer. back and forth goal for each team and then the second half was finished. It was 36-24. The third half was so equal but, the bullies were doing a lot of fouls and the boys were really angry it ended at 40-32. So the forth half started and it was the last half. The bullies were tryind to injure the boys but, they were to fast it was 53-50 it was really close and it was a minute left. The bullies just got a three pointer and it was thirty seconds then suddenly from half court Jason threw the ball and it was in 56-53. It was 10 more seconds and jason had the ball, now it was 5 more seconds and then Jason shot and scored 56-55. The bullies started and one boy was about to shoot but, it slipped out of his hands and right to Jason and Jason ran and it was less one secon and Jason shot and scored right at the end of the game 58-55. They were all happy. Then this one man with a suit came up to the boys and said "What a game I can't believe you are just 9 I am a scout for LA Lakers and I was just wondering to you want to come to our academy?" "Sure!" said the boys. Jason went up to Michael and said "Thank you for helping us" Michael sain "Sure no problem you will always be your friend, See you soon" Michael became the coach of LA Lakers. The boys were not bullied for the rest of their and became superstar basketball players in the LA Lakers and guess who was their coach? It was Michael Jordan.** ===== The End

. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? Yes your story did have some complicatons adding tension and interest. I think you could add more about how the charecter ended up coaching 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? the charecters were life like and enjoyable and you could tell wich charecters were talking 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I think the story was well writen because the charecters were well described and so life like

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? I think the ending needs the most work because it did not explain how the he ended up as a coach for the LA Lakers

. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? Kiri I didnt really like it because im not interested in basket ball. There are heaps of spelling mistakes. It would be a good story for basket ball fans.

. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?