HA-Damo

Hi i'm Damo Grade: 6 Fav lolly: Star Burst Fav sport: cricket Hobbi: Computer Fav music: techno

Flies know that that there is a frog at lake pertobe and don't want to get eaten.

complication: More frogs, fly spray

lets just get to the story

My Story: The three little flys. WOW! that was close the big frog nearly slurped me up by his tounge. Hey Buzz hey Squzz, wat do you want muzzr i'm in the middle of niblen on a nible pie, theres a big ugely frog on the loose and he's hungry. Ah-ho spageto, did you say one big frog you lie how could you, his mate was not there. lets get up high where thay can not get us. Score two little kids took the frogs away. OH NNNO now there fly spray that was lucky there none left yahoo. Lets go to mcDonalds for some crums.


 * The end**

My Story: The three little __ flys. __ WOW! that was close the big frog nearly slurped me up by his tounge. Hey Buzz hey Squzz, __ wat __ do you want __ muzzr __ i'm in the middle of __ niblen __ on a nible pie, theres a big __ugely__ frog on the loose and he's hungry. Ah-ho spageto, did you say one big frog you lie how could you, his mate was not there. lets get up high where __ thay __ can not get us. __ Score __ two little kids took the frogs away. OH __NNNO__ now there fly spray that was lucky there none left yahoo. Lets go to mcDonalds for some crums. (Grammar mistakes not included)

edited by= Rodrigo. A. BFIS 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I think this story is lacking originality. I would suggest looking for and fixing spelling and grammar mistakes. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? Not enough suspense. I do not think that the resolution is satisfying 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The characters are not life/like. I cannot say much else 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I find his story extremely hard to understand because there is very little description. And for its size, there is a lot of mistakes 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author ? I think the author should correct his many spelling and grammar mistakes. I suggest making the events more spaced out.