HA-Maddison

Hi my name is Maddison i am a girl and i am 12 years old i am in year 7 My favourite colour is purple  My favourite NRL team is the Wests Tigers  My favourite holiday was to Merrimbula :)  I absolutely love shopping  I am from the city  I was born in Sydney  I have a younger brother and sister  I have three dogs there names are woop, herbie and milly

this is my story i hope you like i hope to hear feed back from you saying ways i can improve it **<span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: 'Rockwell Extra Bold','serif';">The awful darkness **

Tuesday 22nd October 2002 Last night at about 11:49pm I looked out of my window and guess what I saw complete darkness there wasn’t even a moon I know it doesn’t sound that bad but that’s not all, well it wasn’t exactly complete darkness I saw gloomy eyes just looking at my house I didn’t know what it was at first Then it started barking and it sounded like my name "Sadie! Sadie! Sadie!" but what was it! Then when I went out side it started running towards me but what was it do you want to take a guess no you wouldn’t because if you found out what it was you would probably scream have a heart attach and die well imp sure you wont so I will tell you the rest of the story anyway well yeah I went outside and the gloomy eyes came running at me what made it worse was that no body was home except for me so I ran inside and locked all the doors and shut all the windows. come to think of it now I don’t know what I was even doing up that late but anyway even though I was inside with every thing shut it was still running towards me when it finally got close I could see what it was are you ready for the big news? Well it was a wolf I swear it had a curse or had a demon or something in it because it was crazy and it was not a normal wolf I don’t know what it wanted with me or my home though soon after I got down where it couldn’t see me it disappeared and I went back to bed. Gosh! What a scary night!
 * Dear diary, **

Wednesday 23rd October 2002 OMG! What an awful day. Today I went to school and had a bad day which is unusual for me because I love school it’s that girl I’ve been talking about you know Jayle Miles she is so annoying all she does in class is try and pick fights with every one and listen to music it is so annoying! I’m surprised most teachers even let her listen to it. She is the most annoying person EVER! And the funny thing is I can’ believe I used to be friends with her isn’t that weird. On the up side I am so exited my birthdays on Friday I wonder what I will get and I have an idea of what Tommy’s going to get me oh yeah I almost forgot to tell you Tommy wants me to go out with him but I said I just want to be good friends like we have been all our lives and besides if we were boyfriend and girlfriend than our friendship could change for the worst I could tell he was sad but he accepted it and moved on. But I do feel really bad for saying it. Thursday 24th October 2002 I shouldn’t have said those things I said yesterday to Tommy he went to school really sad and didn’t talk to me until I started a conversation with him we talked about what we said to each other yesterday and he said there was no hard feelings so it is all good now but I feel really bad. Last night the wolf came back but just sat at the back door it seemed way more calm on me I am starting to think that the wolf is here when there is no moon because there was no moon last night and Tuesday night he wasn’t here and there was a moon on that night. OMG I am so exited my birthday is tomorrow ok got to go now diary bye.
 * Dear diary, **
 * Dear diary, **

Friday 25th October 2002 Today was my birthday hmm great day that was can you tell the sarcasm! guess what some one put in my locker in a container they put wolf eyes in it it was so disgusting there was blood everywhere what is happening to me what is with this wolf and these wolf eyes I don’t know what this is who is doing it Or why they are doing it but it is really starting to scare me today of Tommy I got a new pair of swimmers and a new skirt he really likes me and I know it but I just don’t like him that way
 * Dear diary, **

Saturday 26th October 2002 Last night the wolf came again this time it told me to follow it so I did bigggg mistake that was it gave me its eyes so I could see in the dark I don’t exactly know how but it did then it took me to this graveyard like place and showed me where it lived and told me it was better than my life now and that I should be one of them he also told me that he only comes when the darkness is here its called the horrible darkness he said this life would be the life for me and that it **would** be my life I decided to join him after he told me how many people had actually swapped lives ok I just want to tell you something tell mum and dad that I’m lost…..
 * Dear diary, **

<span style="font-size: 90%; color: #5736c9; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Edited by: Sandra from: BFIS 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I liked the story, but I think it is a bit confusing because the sentences are all together, you need more capitals, more commas, more periods, and some of the parts of the stories need some improvement, but the story it self I think is fine.
 * The Questions**

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? The problems that the character faces in the first diary are good, but I think you could make it more adventurous and maybe a bit longer.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?


 * The Questions**

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?


 * The Questions**

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? My suggestions are is that there should be more of a story i dont really know when it ends. Thats it othen then it was good. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? I think that you need to add more of a story its just entries of a diary. WHich is fine but still just a little story. 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The characters arent that life like try to discribe them more. 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I would like to see more action. There isnt enough. 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? Most improvement needs is them action thats it