ISKL+Kailee,+Stephanie+Huie

Introductions :Kailee and Stephanie

"Another extremely productive day" sighed Angelii. There had been only one customer during that whole month. Angelii had thought "I've had this store for more than one year and yet I haven't even made 6000 dollars! Man! This all happened because I own a hat store! Why isn't my shop popular? Why aren't I getting many customers? Why is my business dropping like an elevator from the 56th floor all the way down to the 3rd? I've been borrowing from Mandy ever since I bought this lot." "Ever since i bought this lot the only thing that happens is I'm just sitting here bored, stressed and broke. Even though I'm in LA, California I can't even make 600 dollars during a whole month! Why is this happening to me? Why me? I've tried my best but that's just not going to cut it, is it?" While Angelii was thinking, three strange men dressed in black suits walked past the store. Then after a few minutes they turned back and knocked on the door. "AHHH!! OH NO ITS THOSE PEOPLE!!! I'VE SEEN THEM BEFORE!!!! THEY'RE GOING TO CLOSE MY SHOP!!!! THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!! First I only had one customer! Then these people come to shut me down for GOOD!!!! Can this day get any worse??!!" thought Angelii. "Ma'am!!" Knocking on the door a couple of times harder than before. "You have ten seconds to open this door before we break it down!" Said one of the strange men. Obviously you could tell that the person that was talking was the leader of the three. All three of them were wearing black jackets, black pants, black shirts, black shoes and black belts. But the thing that made the leader obvious was that he was wearing sunglasses while the others weren't. Angelii said "Oh no what am I to do? They have already seen me. I can't go and hide. No! I have to stay strong. No matter what happens I have to trust that I can face these people." "Ma'am I won't ask this again open this door and we will not break this door down! Do you understand?" "Yes I do and I'm coming!" Angelii shouted. Walking as slow as she could she walked to the door and opened it. "Ahem! Ma'am we have been sent here to shut you down. We have received complaints from the owner of this land that you have not been paying your rent. You have been making up excuses ever since you opened up your shop. So because you have not been paying your rent we must shut down your shop." Said the leader. But before Angelii could say anything the men wrote a slip and started breaking her things.They did all kinds of things to her hats. They sat on them, stomped on them and worst of all they teared them into shreds. Left with tears of Angelii's on the floor they gave her the slip, turned over the sign that said open so that it now said closed and walked out of the shop. After the people came and ruined her store she was in shock. While she was on the ground crying her mean sister came in the store. Her sister came to her and asked her if she was ok. And she responded ",No I am not o k ." Then her sister said",Who cares about your feelings. Not me!" Her sister Carla was walking to the back and she stepped on her. While Angelii was still crying her sister, Carla, noticed something in the back storage room. She saw a load money on the ground behind the newly shipped hats that came in that day.Carla said "Hey!! Hey!! Where did this money come from?" "What money?" said Angelii. As Angelii walked back to the room she saw a small hill of money, with about fifty million dollars in it. She realized that the money was just enough money for the rent. Angelii hugged her sister, flung open the door and started running down the street not even caring that the heel broke off of her favorite yellow shoes. Looking around desperately she saw nothing but busy people walking along, and no sign of the three men. Just as she whipped around she saw them in a taxi just about to take off, she screamed "NO!! WAIT!!!" but she was too late the men didn't hear her scream. She started running after the taxi looking like an idiot shouting at the top of her lungs "STOP STOP!!!!!!!". After chasing the taxi for ten minutes, she stopped running because the taxi was fading away. She sat down on the steps of a pizza parlor when a strange old man sat down next to her and looked deep into her eyes. "Got a problem? Well, you have found the right person." Said the man. Angelii was shocked but had a feeling that this mysterious man could help her. The mysterious man's name was Dr. Michael Jackson. "Why do you call yourself doctor?" Angelii asked. "Because it sounds cool that's why!" Dr. Jackson said. He could help her with her problem because he knew the three man who ruined her store. He told her that he could take the money to the three man who were at her store. After telling her that she jumped to her feet and gives him a big, juicy hug. So Angelii and Dr. Jackson went back to her store to get the money. Once Dr. Jackson and Angelii got to the store the man asked her,her name. She replied",My name is Angelii, Angelii Jones."She gave him the envelope with the money. Once he got the money he went out the front door and got into a cab.



PEER REVIEW (Saint Michael)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? It has a nice plot, it is very origimal. like nothing i have ever read. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? The climax is good, all together i like it! 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? Not really the "doc. michael jackson" was a little odd but other than its that good 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? Yes, it has good detail(the story).

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? You put too many #s rather than spelling it out.