ISKL+Sarah+Bell+,+Bryna+Bernstein

Introductions /Links Meet Bryna and Sarah

Story:

Characters:
Girl-Maya (main) Boy- Trevor (little brother) Pet Hedgehog- Hero  Setting: World war 2 1940. England, London

Problem: World war II. Maya and Trevor's father has gone into war, and their mother was killed by being shot by the enemy. Maya and Trever are forced to leave the city and try to escape the war. But the enemy soon discovers that some children have escaped London, and they soon make plans to capture Maya and her brother. Soon they find a hedgehog, hurt in the middle of the countryside. They take him as a pet and they continue there adventures with him. But  soon a bigger problem soon starts to occur. T hey are being followed by the Enemy.

Introduction:It's England, London World War II. Maya and Trevor are the only one of their siblings that have not been sent away from the war. Their father has been called out to fight and the siblings are frightened. The day before they leave for the country their mother has been killed by the Enemy. Maya's father had once told her that the Enemy wanted revenge on him for disgracing their country. No one knows where the Enemy has come from but they claim to have come from the other side of the world. From a place called Marson. Maya and her little brother must try and find a way out of the and into the dangerous, open country to a place where there is no War. Maya is only twelve and has to take care of her six year old brother. On the way they meet a hedgehog that seems to understand where Maya and Trevor want to go.

Complication: They left the city. They found a jeep and stole it. They figured that since their daddy had taught Maya how to drive, They could go and pass for the right driving age! They decided to go to Paris. Paris was somewhere nobody could think that two children would go to run away from a war. It was perfect! They had a cousin there! They map quested directions and went. They passed through Italy to mess up the follower. they switched to a silver volvo when they went from Italy to Spain. From Span they went finally to Paris. They switched to a red convertible and then they had all of there cars worked out! They got to Paris and spent the night with there cousins saying goodbye to the outside world for a little bit. They slept that night in fear,but they realized it was okay. They were now safe. 

But as they wake up they discover that Maya and Trevor are not in their cousins farm. The ground was rough and had itchy straw. There was only a small window that brought very little light. Next to Maya their was a tray filled with stale bread and water. "Where are we?" Trevor asked in a small voice. "I-I think we are in Marson. The Enemy." Answered Maya. "Maya?" Someone called. It was their cousin. Maya had not realized he was here. He was only a little younger than Maya. Trevor's favorite cousin was in the next jail cell. After Trevor and Maya had told their cousin what was happening the guard came. He was bigger than the jail cell and was wearing rags. He was much to big for all three to fight. The guard was carrying their only escape. The key. "We need to get that key." Maya whisper because she didn't want the guard to hear. Trevor and Maya heard a small pattering. It was softer than slowly got louder. Trevor and the guard let out a huge scream. On the wall was a huge shadow of prickled spines. The creature opened it's mouth and the guard saw huge teeth. "THIS PLACE IS HAUNTED!!!" The guard screamed and ran. Fortunately he dropped the keys on the 'creature'. The monster came out of the shadows. It was a prickly, soft and cute hedgehog. The hedgehog came closer and finally arrived right infront of Maya. She took the keys that had landed on him and opened the door. Then she freed her cousin. "Come on Trevor!" Maya said hurriedly. But Trevor didn't listen, he picked up the hedgehog and cradled him in Trevors arms. "Can Hero come with us?" Trevor had that oh-so-innocent expression that Maya could not resist. "Who is Hero?" She asked even though she already had an idea. "The hedgehog. He looks like a Hero and is one." "Why can't we bring Hero." Her cousin added in. "Fine. The HEDGEHOG can come." They quickly went up the stairs being as quietly as they could. "Where do you think your going?" The head of the Marsions looked down upon them. "We are going home," said Maya and Trevor at the same time. Maya grabbed the water that she was drinking, poured it on the marsion, and he melted. Maya was very proud of herself. They were running and the other gaurds that witnessed the murdur were chasing them. They ran them out of the building and up the Eiffel Tower! Maya slipped and fell ALL THE WAY DOWN... Luckily their cousin escaped a different way and caught Maya. Maya fell down and her cousin started laughing uncontrollably.Maya laughed too. Her brother started tapping her and then she woke up in her own bed in the present day. That explained why the fall did not hurt her! "Honey are you awake?"called Maya and Trevor's mom. "Mom? What happened to the hedgehog?" replied Maya. She was in a smelly hospital and she had a huge body cast on her. "Oh dear! You fell off a three story building and had a coma! You have been like this for three weeks!" Replied her mother. "Really?" Maya said "Yes, sweetie. Now you just rest everything will be alright." Maya's mother said Then Maya put her head back down and fell back to sleep.

The End PEER REVIEW (Saint Michael)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation,is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?