ISKL+Jaelyn

**Introduction:**
Include some or all of the following, as well as a link to your blog: first name, what you like to do in and out of school, favourites (food, sport, hobby, TV show, video game, etc.), places visited, future plans, claim to fame.

My name is Jaelyn and I am 11 years old. I like to play with my new hamsters that I got. Their names are Digger and Tiny. In school I like to do math poetry(Hum/Eng) and art. My favorite food is cheese pizza and I like chocolate ice cream. I love to play basketball and swimming. My hobby is reading. I am reading the twilight series now. My favorite video game is on the DS called cooking mama 2. I have moved a lot (13 times). Mainly I have moved around the United States, Thialand, Paris, and Malaysia. When I grow up I want to be an vetranarian. My claim to fame is to be a actress.

**Paste your story here:**
Deforestation There I was on the tour with about 15 other people on the islands of Sumatra. I saw all of the adorable orangutans. The tour guide said that the Population currently is about 30,000. Then I heard the tour guide gladly say that “We are going to cut down all of the trees in the rain forest, and we will plant palm oil trees. And palm oil is good for the environment.” “I don’t understand” I thought to myself “I mean, palm oil is good for the environment but if you cut down all of the trees where will the orangutans live?” Later that day I went home and thought about what the man had said. So I started to make a plan. I switched on the T.V. and the news was on. It was talking about how Obama is changing the world. Then I picked up the phone and said, "Hello, Mr. Obama?" "Hello?" he answers "Yes. I am here to inform you of how the forest are being chopped down. You see, the orangutangs live there and I have been doing some research. In about 10 years (2020) all of the forest will be gone and all of those innocent orangutangs will have no place to live." "Yes. I'm listening." "Just earlier today I was on a tour in Sumatra. The tour guide said that the M.O.T.W. (Move Out The Way) team are planning to do so." "I see. I will fix that. And all of the orangutangs will be safe." So imedietly after the presedent got off the phone he got to work. But he can not just say, Stop cutting down trees. He must plan. When he did so he had the whole building get to work just as he did. It wasn't long until the president was on the news saying that he is back to work. I started to become woried because it was maybe a month and a half later. Finally he gave me a call and said,"I have good news and bad news." "Good news first please!" I said "Okay, the good news is that I have enough workers that will come with me to Sumatra--" "What!? You are going to Sumatra?" "Yes, of cours I will go. Don't worry. It will be okay." he promised "Anyway, I have enough workers that will come with me. But the bad news is that there will be so many people there that will be cutting down the trees. But we don't have to worry that much because we can do anything if we just believe that we can!" "Okay. I won't worry. Will there be anything that I can help with?" "Yes. Is it possible that you could collect as many people as you can to come support us?" "I can do that." "Well good bye and I will see you then." "Okay, bye." So I went and told my mom who I was just talking to and at first she did not believe me but then I convinced her to come to Sumatra. I also had my dad and sisters come too. I told them to bring all of their friends and their parents. Then I thought that I had enough people so I told everyone where we were going and then our journey began. Once we arrived we met the president and he told us what we will do. All of our jobs were to block the forest so that we could not let the cranes come in. It was not long untill I saw them. They were out in a distance and then started to come closer. THey were the big cranes and all of the people that Mr. Obama was talking about were there. Then the president talked to the crane men, they dissagreaded but then the man saw that he was president obama and the people started to mumbling to themselves and man said, "Well Mr. --" "Harry" "Mr. Harry, I think that the forest should not be cut down because then all of the orangutangs will not have a home." "Well we did not think of it this way. I guess that we aren't supposed to do this kind of stuff like killing the forest and orangutangs." "I am so glad that you understand this. Everyone, this seemed to be a miss understanding." he anounced "There will be no trees cut down and all of the orangutangs will live in peace." "Yeah" "Yey" The crowd says as Mr. Obama anounces this very good news. Then the tour guide that I saw was fired for saying such a cruel thing. And every one lived happly ever after.

**Questions for Peer Reviewers**
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

The starting sentance needs a bit more pizazz. I do like your style of writing though it's very creative! VVBrianne 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

Well the story seems as if it's not finished. It does not put the photograph in my mind. I suggest that you write a bit more and use miore descriptive word choices! It is very well thought out though. Good job Jaelyn! VVBrianne