HA-Brayden

HI!! mate i am brayden I live in port fairy victoria/Australia.

my best friends are Jayden, George, Bailey & Harvey. My hobbies are Surfing & Scootering My favourtie AFL team is geelong cats My favourite movie is Superbad My I have a cat its name is Blacky

One night my two friends and I went camping in a forest. We got to the forest and set up camp in the dark. I was trying to get to sleep and I heard my car start. I got out of my swag and it was my car. I Started to run after it. The 2 suspicious looking guys, sped up so I pulled out my gun and shot the tyres so they stopped. I ran up to them and flashed my police badge. They put their hands up and I said “you are arrested. Anything you say or do could be used as evidence.” I took them to my friend’s car and drove them to the police station. They opened the door and jumped out. They badly wanted to get away but I wasn’t letting them get away. I turned around but they ran away in to the bush. I got out and shot a bullet up in to the air to scare them.

I decided to follow them into the bush. I saw a brown jumper in the distance so I ran that way. I was hoping that it was at least one of the crooks. I could run faster than them, so I decided to head towards the bush shack that I knew was in that direction. It would make perfect cover for the baddies.

I ran for about 15 minutes until I found the shack. As soon as I arrived, I called for back up. I had a feeling that this is where my car thieves would head for. A quick peak in the side window confirmed my suspicions. There were the 2 crooks, sitting at the wooden table, puffing from their run.

I hid behind the bush that was near the front door, pulled out my taser gun and waited for back up to arrive. I hoped that the back up wouldn’t be too far away. All of a sudden I heard static on my radio. I turned the volume down so that the bad guys wouldn’t hear it, but they did.

They burst out the side window and I cursed myself. I knew back up wasn’t too far away, but I had to do something right now. Just as I stood to run after them, my back up buddies came sneaking through the bushes. I screamed at them to run and pointed at where the baddies had fled.

Together, we chased the guys and cornered them. Local knowledge of the nearby waterfall, came in handy. Without thinking, I flung myself at the tallest and the closest bad guy, while my back up took out the other one.

We handcuffed them both and took them back to the police divvy van. We chucked them in the back and I got a lift back to the police station. They were charged with motor vehicle theft and dangerous driving along with a lot of other charges. They went to court the following month and they were sentenced for 2 years.

**Story and Content**

 * Starting - March 29 (2009):**
 * 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?**

I think the plot is not original at all since not lots of differents things happen. I think the story is not interesting and doesn't make me want to read since the beginning. The story didn't follow the "third person" rule. Some suggestions I would give are to put more suspense and make the reader want to read it. Also, have more descriptions and make it have more problems.
 * (BF-Alejandro)**


 * 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?**

The characters don't face very bad problems and they do need lots of more suspense, tension, and interest. There is not a climax that satisfies me and the solution is totally predictable. Lots of things could be added that would make the story more interesting: suspense, descritptions...


 * 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?**

The characters are life-like but they are not enjoyable because the story is like a totally real case that has nothing in particular. We do not get a good sense of the character since they do not do anything very interesting and exciting.


 * 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?**

I do not see and hear and experience the story because of lack of descriptions. I would like to see the "baddies" caught in a harder way and that the police has a harder time catching them. For examople: The "baddies" take the car to a secret cave and have an evil plan of getting energy from the cars to resize the world. Or something more original.


 * 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?**

I think ALL areas of the story need more improvement. I have all kinds of suggestions for the author such as: more descriptions, more suspense and tension, more mystery, more can't-stop-reading-it-because-it-is-too-good...