SO-Rachel+H.

**Introduction:**
Include some or all of the following, as well as a link to your blog: first name, what you like to do in and out of school, favorites (food, sport, hobby, TV show, video game, etc.), places visited, future plans, claim to fame.

**Paste your story here:**
** Haunted ** By: Rachel Hill-Trudell As I’m walking home I can hear the crunch of the snow beneath my feet, I can feel the chilled air on my face. When I walk into my house there is hot chocolate already on the table for me. I take off my jacket and hang it up on a wooden hanger by the door. My mom walks out of her room, looking like she just woke up from a nap, she walks into the kitchen and starts to make coffee. Soon the coffee aroma has filled the house. I sit down at the table and start working on my homework and drinking the hot chocolate. Later, around 6:30pm, dinner is served, my Mom’s famous Chicken Pastina, topped with cooked bread crumbs, for desert we have chocolate cake. At the table my mom announces some pretty big news, “I was thinking about something, and I’ve been thinking about it for quite a while now, and it seems like an idea worth considering.” “Ok, Mom, tell me what you were thinking about.” I Reply “Well…we have been in this house for a while and I think that maybe its time to find a new house.” “Mom, why would we need to move? This house is fine," “Well, maybe you’ll like a different house even more.” “Maybe I won’t! did you ever think of what i felt about this?” “We will be looking at houses tomorrow, I saw one that looked pretty nice, and it’s just out of town. you'll have to go to a different school though, which i'm sure you won't mind about.” “I don’t want to move! i want to stay here, in this house, i want to be able to see my friends!” I run upstairs to my room and slam the door behind me. I sit on my twin sized bed with the blue sheets and pilled with stuffed animals and Beanie babies. I listen carefully and can hear the rain outside. I don’t ever remember falling asleep, but I remember waking up to the sun shinning through the window. I walk downstairs and am greeted with the smell of eggs, bacon, and pancakes. I sit at the table and begin to eat my breakfast, my mom walks slowly over to the table with a cup of coffee in her hands, and she sits next to me and says, “The house we are going to see is really nice; I think you should come along to see it.” “What time do we go over to see it?” “Umm, we go over to see it at about 2:00pm” “Ok I’ll come, bu ti wont be talking about moving to it.” “Good, when you are done eating go upstairs and get ready.” 2:00pm comes quickly and we are about to leave, I wait in the car when I notice that the car across the road has all doors closed and I only see a little girl in the car, about a few years younger than me. She has blue ribbons in her hair and very big eyes the color of the summer sky. She looks at me and I think she tried to say something to me but I couldn’t understand her so I looked away. My mom gets in the car and starts the engine. As we back out of the driveway I peer over to the little girl who is now gone. We arrive at the house, which is huge, it has all white paint the looks fairly new, and blue shutters on every window, the door is big and is made out of glass, trees on either side of the door. I walk inside and go to the second level to a large empty room, I look out the window and see a girl to be continued.........

**Questions for Peer Reviewers**
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

From Shania: Rachael, it's good so far but just 2 let u know u dont need 2 capitalize hot chocolate (in ur 1st paragraph) and in the 2nd paragraph i am a little confused by "Warm Chocolate Melting Cake" but thats all 4 now! good luck!!!! TTYL ...Nice editing, nowa finish ur story! gr8 job! c ya l8r ttyl ur bffl Shania! From Patrick: Rachael, great story finish it!!! I want to know what happens!!!!!