BF-Oskar

Hello my name is Oskar Helander and i'm 11 years old. I live in barcelona but I was born in bangkok thailand. my mother is thai and my father is swedish. as you can gues i know english, thai, catalan (language in my comuinity) and spanish but i don't know swedish. anyway what are your hobbies and where do you live. what music do you like? here is a list of my favorite things. here is a picture of my favorite caracter in law of ueki, Kosuke Ueki and L my favorite character in Deathnote another one of my favorite manga. later on i will send an image of me here just be patiant.
 * Manga ( japanese comics)
 * build it your self models
 * naps
 * play station 2 dragon ball games/ naruto games and anything my style
 * running
 * kung-fu ( i do this in a sports club)
 * swimming
 * cheseburgers
 * sushi
 * tepanaki(japanese private cook show)
 * french fries
 * fried rice
 * miso soup
 * Law of ueki (a manga)
 * reading
 * playing piano
 * traveling
 * iced or warm coffe
 * ect.

Here is my story Blueberry pie

The sweet smell of pie filled the air. I was cooking my famuos blueberry pie. I was watching the pie and after 5 minutes i noticed that the pie was about the size of the oven then after 10 minutes it broke thou the oven.Idecided to get my mother to check but by the time she arrived the pie sprouted legs and arms and broke the house in half. by then my mother fainted and the pie was in the city destroying the buildings. How i know? It's hard to miss. But even thou he was gone I was yelling staring at the broken TV,"LOOK WHAT YOU DID YOU MONSTER THANKS TO YOU NOW I CAN'T SEE TOM AND JERRY TONIGHT YOU MONSTER. Aperently there were missles being launched at the pie but all the damage it did was a poped berry and the juices made the planes crash onto the ground and that causes many screams of fear and terror and blood flying everywhere. The tanks got blownup by the crashing planes and that made gasoline fly out and instantly catching fire buring many people to death making the river of gasoline turn into a river of blood. By then I was in the army's HQ talking about how it was made. I told them that I created the pie and we were discusing on how to destroy it. I sugested that we comand an army of obeast people to eat it, the general suggested that we drop and atomic bomb, and the little kid in a trysicle suggested that we eat it behind. I'm sorry the kid in a trysicle is just sometimes right and can be useful. we decided to go with ther generals plan. When the army evacuated the city the general, the kid in a trysicle and I were in a helicopter with the atomic bomb in the bottom. Then the woosh of the bomb falling came then the explosion. BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The sound of the explosion filled my ears and a big cloud of ruble and blood came from the bomb. "it's over", the comander said. but he was wrong. the pie was still standing and it became even bigger but this time the beries wearn't filled with acid they were filled with even more live pies and they were about to break free. i was able to see this with the generals x-ray vision google wich i took from him when i saw him useing them to look in the high schools girls locker room wich was the only thing not destroyed by the explosion."ok time for plan B," i said while taking a cell phone from my pocket. i dialed the obeseat care center and told the manager to turn the loud speaker on and i yelled out," free giant pie on main street or what used to be main street. anyway free pie for everyone and it's blueberry pie. then in just five seconds flat I felt the ground shake then a cloud of dust came and then i saw the pie fall on the ground and getting eaten away by the obeast people and when it was about half eaten in just ten seconds the people started to get full and they started to slow down and in the end the obeast people then became even fatter and blueberry shaped. then the pie started to regenerate and grow bigger then a mountain and then he kicked the obeast people into the ocean where they had to swim back to shore wich made them very thin. anyway the pie grew again and i heard the general jump of the helicopter tring to kill himself but he got caught in a skyscraper and when we thought all hope was lost the kid in a trysicle was under the pie and he just pulled a the bottom part of it down and he just pulled the bottom crust of the pie and the pie's juices started to slip out and then all that was left was a huge eatable blueberry lake. that made the little kids happy and i made a new national monument. and we lived happily ever after with a pie pool.

adam

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)?

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

1. i didnt really like the plot because it isnt very realistic. i mean a giant pie that comes to life isnt really exciting. maybe you could think of ideas from a book that you have read and change it a bit. 2.i hate the idea about the little kid on the tricycle and i didnt like the problems that the characters face because: they dont add enough suspense tension or interest. im sorry but i dont like the story

3. kind of but the pie has got to go it is so boring. the kid is kind of realistic. 4.yeah kind of because you explained the big blueberries. 5. i didnt like the ending because the little kid rips a bit of the pie off and all the juice flows out. i suggest something like the army guys make a freezinator inator and freeze the pie. this whole story is completely nonsense i hate it YOUR STORY DIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!