TM-Colleen

Hi my name is Colleen Shea. Ten things about me are….


 * 1) I go to Timberlane Middle School and I’m 11 years old
 * 2) I love to play soccer, softball, basketball and snowboarding
 * 3) I live with my mom, sister and mom’s boyfriend
 * 4) My favorite food is ice cream
 * 5) My best friends names are Emily Karoline Maggie Emma **Jackie** Nicole and Jake
 * 6) I love to be with my family
 * 7) My dogs name is Brady and I want another!
 * 8) I love to be outside with my friends
 * 9) I love to go on the computer and watch TV and my favorite show is American Idol
 * 10) My soccer teams name is the Timberwolves and I also play for the school team and I play right or left mid

Thank you, Colleen Shea

me at the top left, liz at the top right, olivia on the bottome left, karoline on the bottom right

my friend jackie

this is my friend julia

this is my friend emma and nick

this is my friend cam

Miranda, Ally’s mom heard the ring of the telephone. She looked at caller ID and was surprised to see that it was her daughter’s cell phone number on the screen. Without even saying hello, Miranda heard the voice of her panicking daughter crying through the phone. “Samantha is dead”. As Ally was about to explain, Miranda her caring mother cut her off, “How did this exactly happen?” with a stutter to her voice.

Ally Smith and Samantha Willis have been best friends as long as anyone can remember. Doing everything together, and knowing everything about each other, people literally thought they were sisters. On a regular Sunday morning after not going to bed once, Samantha and Ally walked lethargically into the kitchen; to find their mothers sitting at the table drinking coffee together. Ally stared at the steam rising up from her mothers coffee cup. Their mom’s were best friends as well, and were surprised to see their lazy daughters up so early. With a cheerful voice, their mothers greeted them. Suddenly, Miranda surprisingly said that she had some news for the girls. “Your going to summer camp for two weeks, you need to do something instead of tanning and talking to boys on the phone.”

Ally and Samantha just looked at each other not knowing what to think. They were in shock, how could their mothers be so crewel?

“You’re leaving in two days, you better start packing. You are going, and I don’t want any complaints.” Added Samantha’s mother.

Ally ran up to her bedroom without a response. Samantha followed excited to go to summer camp. Samantha was more of the outdoorsy type, who liked nature and animals. Ally, not so much. She was more into spending the day at the beach or shopping for sales at the mall. Samantha walked into Ally’s bright colored bedroom and knew that Ally was not going to argue, no matter how bad she did not want to go.

Two days passed, and the girls were standing outside Samantha’s house, putting there stuff in the trunk of her moms red Jeep. For Ally, there were many good memories in the car, but this was not one of them. Both of their mom’s were wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, not caring about how they looked. All they wanted was to drop off the girls and not see them for a while. Before anyone knew it, Ally and Samantha, two best friends were going to what could be the best two weeks of their lives, or a living nightmare.

After a long boring car ride, they finally arrived at the camp. There were many other girls there, looking quite excited. Ally sighed, and Samantha looked out the window with excitement. The camp was filled with counselors, girls from 11 to probably 16, and parents kissing their daughters good-bye. As Ally and Sam walked out of the car a counselor with bright red hair as red as the Jeep, greeted them with a freshening smile. Ally rolled her eyes, and could care less how nice the counselor was.

“Hello, my name is Stacy, welcome to Camp Daisy. Follow me and I will take you to your cabin.”

They walked through a long narrow trail for only a couple minutes and came to six cabins, Stacy told them to go to cabin number 666. Both girls looked at each other weird, this was not going well already. They walked into the cabin and slammed the door, giving Stacy a hint they wanted to be alone. They threw their pink polka dot suitcases on the bunk beds and observed everything in the room. There were two sets of bunk beds, and a rusty toilet with a sink that was dripping water slowly.

“It’s not that bad,” Sam said, even though it was a lie.

“Who are you kidding, this place is disgusting. I would much rather be getting a pedicure or getting my hair highlighted.”

“Of course you would, you are such a little wimp. Let us go find some boys or new friends. Come on Ally, it will be fun!”

Both girls, experiencing very different emotions, walked out of the cabin to see two boys walking up the pathway. They were excited, and got on their “were so cool” faces. The boys introduced themselves, saying their names were Cam and Jake. Surprisingly, they invited them to hangout at their cabin. Without even asking Sam if she wanted to go, Ally agreed immediately.

After two hours of flirting, they left happily. It was getting to be dark, and they were hungry. Ally ran up to the cabin door and opened her suitcase. She pulled out a box of Oreo cookies, and the two girls ate them while thinking and talking about the boys.

“Maybe this wont be so bad after all,” said Ally.

They finally got to sleep after along talk about their new crushes. They woke up in the morning to find that they have to go on a kayaking trip. Ally was not to happy with this news because she would much rather be with Cam. Samantha on the other hand, was very ecstatic about their trip!

Ally and Samantha got to pick out their color kayak; they chose one that was black as the night. They jumped into the kayak, Ally in the front and Samantha in the back. Samantha was a little heavier then Ally so it was about to be a tippy ride.

The ripples in the lake were placid; but a little wave caught the boat. Ally was a little anxious because there happened to be alligators in the lake. Samantha assured her nothing will happen. Ally took her for her word and alleviated some of the stress.

One big wave caught them off guard and Samantha fell in because the boat tipped a little too far backwards. Ally was shaking with anxiety. Her friend might have a chance of being eaten by and alligator and she might have to watch the biggest tragedy in her life. Before Samantha had the chance to jump back into the boat an alligator appeared from the side of her eye. Ally was screaming for assistance but they were too far into the lake. The alligator started pulling onto Samantha and spun her with his jaws tightly squeezing her waste. Blood flooded through the east side of the lake and soon, Samantha was gone and Ally was alone in the boat.

A counselor had noticed that Ally and Samantha were out on the boat for to long and went to find them. He finally found Ally after 30 minutes of searching. He asked the shaking girl what the matter was and all that came out of her mouth was "Samantha, fell, alligator, gone." The counselor had picked her up and lightly placed her into his boat. They got back to camp to find everyone staring at them.

Ally, still astonished to have lost her best friend; picked up the phone and immediately called her mother and told her the story. Her mother soon came and picked her up from the camp. "This is the last time I am ever going to a camp again," said Ally.

EDITED BY: Arel! BFIS

edited by> SilviaP BFIS

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? Well to say the truth, I LOVED it. I think that you went very deep in the character and I think you worked on it hard. Maybe the part of the oreos in the cabin in the camp waas a bit like parent trap, but i liked that.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? I was very nervbous while reading this story i was anxious to read it all. It has alot of suspense. But what it maked me mad was that i wanted to keep reading and reading! 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? I think the characters life after that was a bit harsh and difficult, because she saw exactly what was happening. You could see exactly what the character was feeling.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? I think that this story could have a little bit of more imaginative, but still I absoulutlyn loved it. But as I said I would love to read the second one. 5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? MAybe say sometrhing else like what did the mothers do or how exactly did they find Ally after that Sam had been eaten because the kanoo was black and it was at night

edited by ona bfis

** Questions for Peer Reviewers **
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? Yea! Its really original and i loved it. REally creative and suspenceful. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

I think that its vey good with the alligartors and all that but maybe you could add one or two more problems or something else to lenghthen it a bit.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

I like how ally is kinda prissy and samantha is very sporty and adventury. Nice contrast :D

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you // see // and // hear // and // experience // the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

I like the camp but maybe you could describe it more and tell me about it a bit more.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?

All I think is that you can maybe describe everrything jjust a bit more. Thats the main thing

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? ot is very original. I think that u have a lot of imagination, it was very interesting. The first part is very, very, very catchy!!! I like it. On the part of the alligators eating... Samantha got me chicken skin!!!!! 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The characters are very life like and are very good described. I think that about the characters you don't have to do anything.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author?