VV+Catie

**Introduction:**
Include some or all of the following, as well as a link to your blog: first name, what you like to do in and out of school, favourites (food, sport, hobby, TV show, video game, etc.), places visited, future plans, claim to fame.

__ **A Helping Hand** __  The California sun beamed over the school children as they jumped rope and shot hoops under a shady tree. This was the kind of weather that would melt a Popsicle in one minute if you left it out in the sun. A bunch of kids went into the school greenhouse to water the drying up plants and flowers, instead of playing tag and getting all sweaty.

Alice and Jenna were best friends and did everything together, they figured it was to hot to run around on a day like this, so they just sat near a large tree to draw. “I will go grab our tool boxes, wait here”, Alice stood up as she spoke and walked quickly in the direction of her classroom, because she didn’t want to run into… Kevin. “Uh oh”, Alice stuttered as she heard his loud feet stomping down the hall, and saw a quick flash of his face. Kevin was a bully, feared by most of the children in the school, he had two other friends who always followed him around which made him even more intimidating! “Look who we have here”, a wide mocking grin spreading on his face. “Tiny little Alice”. Alice was pretty short for her age nearly five and a half feet tall, she pushed her short spiky hair back slightly so she could see him clearer, and stood on her toes to make her look taller.

Kevin usually picked on all of the kids, but one of his main targets was Alice. Alice never stood up to him, and would never tell Jenna about this because she knew Jenna would try to butt in. Kevin stood not even a foot apart from her now looking more serious, with his friends still right behind him. It was very scary for Alice having a seven foot tall monster hover over her while she was trying not to show how scared she really was. But even Kevin could see through that, like Jenna had once said Alice was like an open book, even people who didn’t know her could read her face. “Scared, are we”, Kevin said with the same mocking grin on his face. “What do you want”, Alice said in an unsteady voice. “That’s easy, I want your lunch money, and I don’t get my allowance until Friday”. Alice had no idea what to do so she pulled out her wallet from her jean pocket and dumped every last penny into his greedy filthy hands. “Good, you didn’t make this difficult”, Kevin than walked away with his friends leaving muddy tracks on the clean shiny school floors.

Alice new she had to do something, but what? What could she do or say to make him leave her alone, she needed help, but from who? Just than Jenna quietly walked around the corner tip toeing, she had been listening the whole time! “Alice, I just came to check on you because you were taking so long, but than I stayed because I heard Kevin, and you”. “Why didn’t you tell me what was going on”? “I could have helped you”! “Because of that”! “I don’t want your help, you always butt in”! “Alice, stay calm, I am only butting in for your own good”. “I am not just going to sit on the sidelines and watch you get hurt, I am your best friend”! “Well think about it Jenna, if you make him mad he will hurt you, I am not going to risk that”! Jenna could not stand Alice being hurt so she grabbed Alice’s arm and dragged her to the office. “Mr. Brown, Alice is being bullied and she needs some help”! “Alright, who is bothering you Alice”? “Kevin Fisher”. “I see lets go”. Mr. Brown walked Alice and Jenna down to where Kevin was sitting finishing his work. “Mr. Fisher, these girls say you have been bothering them, is that true”? “I guess so”. “He also stole her lunch money”, Jenna noted. “Young man I think you need to go on a trip down to the office”. Kevin groaned. “But first apologize to Alice”. “Sorry”. “Now go”. “I know the way”. Now Alice was finally happy and she always let Jenna help her, she knew Jenna was only trying to protect her. And as for Kevin, let’s just say he never bothered anyone again... By Catie

**Questions for Peer Reviewers**
(Think in terms of questions you would like to ask the author.)

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I feel as if your plot is quite original. I had never read a story like yours before, and it was relevant to the kind of situations that people commonly experience today. You could have possibly not rushed it as much, and extended your story. Maybe you could have been more specific about the past and what had been going on previously. Overall I enjoyed the plot, because it relates to lives of average kids in middle school. It was a very original plot that was unique in the way that in real life its common but no one writes about it, But it was good.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? I liked when you talked about why Alice didn't want to tell Jenna about the bullying situation, because she wanted to deal with it herself. You climax was nice, but it could possibly been more effective if you built up the suspense a bit more. You could have made Alice a bit more resistant with Jenna, and there could have possibly been a miniature quarrel. I also enjoyed how you caused justice to be served at the end! It was not the greatest topic but you did a good job of making it feel like a movie in the fact that there were secrets.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? I think that you made most of your characters likable, other than the bully, of course. You caused the reader to feel as though Alice was very kind and vulnerable. I just feel as though you could have been a bit more descriptive with the appearance of the characters. Was Jenna short too, average, or tall like Kevin? Where are they, how old are they? I really enjoyed how you used dialogue, it gave me a sense of what the characters were like! Alice was a life like character but the others didnt have much personality and were just IN the story.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? You talked about the weather and where they were, and what they were doing. This helped me imagine what the setting was like. You could have been a bit more descriptive with where they were, and what they were doing. As I wrote above, attempt to draw a picture of the story in the persons head. Who is there, and what is going on? You also did help me hear the experience when you wrote dialogue. The story was very detailed and it gave me a picture in my head of the whole story.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? I think that the area of the story that need the most improvement is the ending. Instead of just concluding the story with Kevin going to the office, what will happen next. Does the bullying come to an end. Your intro and body captivated the readers, and we are just waiting to hear what happens next! GREAT JOB!!! ~ISKL Anissa~