BF-Sofia

 **Hi! my name is Sofia and I'm from Spain. I'm very excited to work with this kind of workshop we're all doing, boys and girls around the world.

7 Random Facts about me! *I'm blond the ones below are Moni and Sofia -me- we were in a pajama party like my p-j's? -i'm the girl in the striped pajamas-
 * I live in Barcelona (If you have any chance come and visit it -beautiful city-)
 * I'm 11 years old
 * I'm a shopaholic
 * I like drawing and painting
 * My favourite color is pink
 * I have a dog named Pluto

story map: setting- Shangai, September 11th 2150 characters- main warrior (Shing-Long) -and his army- androids normal people conflict/problem- all the warriors are in a war with the androids because androids, -that just live 3 or 4 years- want to kill all the warriors and normal people to live forever and viceversa, the only differenceis that the warriors and normal people live the same years as 'us'.

actions/events: the main warrior (Shing-Long) gets in-love with an android, but in the war, Shin-Long's partners kill her -without knowing she was Shin-Long's girlfriend- and the rest of the androids.

resolution/ending: Shing-long will live forever with a broken heart.

__//REAL PLOT//__ **

it was a placid evening. we just ended extermining 5 or 6 androids, a lot for one day, by the way, I’ve got to go, Genna calling ollogramically. - "Shang-long, are you there"-. She told me starting the conversation. - "yes, what do you want? I’ve told you so many times not to call at eight because anybody can enter this room and I don't want the guys to discover our relationship"-. I responded. "OK bye"-. Said her with sad voice. Bye I hope I see you tomorrow!-. I said at the end trying to motivate her. but at the moment I finished talking with Genna one of the guys in the army entered the room. He told me there were androids attacking the building, so i decided to contra-attack. Among all the androids I saw Genna and even I tried to help her she acted like if she was mad at me and I tried to talk to her, but it was too late the army guys had already trapped her. I didn't want to tell the guys to set her free, because they will think weird things about us.
 * Shangai, September 11th, 2150 **

Genna had been trapped already for two days and I'd already tried to set her free but NO WAY. I heard a noise and I saw a couple of androids that had been sat free so I thought if Genna was going to be sat free tomorrow and I went to check if Genna still there. Genna wasn't there OH MY! In that moment I could feel m heart breaking in a million pieces, Genna was dead... I almost couldn't breath. The beats of my heart were going so fast that I could almost hear them. Anyways, I just knew that I was going to live with a a broken heart forever.
 * Shangai ,September 13th, 2150 -two days later- **

what does ollogramically mean? is this your whole story? if it is then here are my comments: i didn't like how you kept on saying the army guys or whatever. i liked the idea of the story but i think that you could've made it a bit longer because it ends too suddenly. i think you could've added something to it like a twist at the end and that way it would leave people wondering and then they would want to read more. it's always good. Sofía: Are you Che?
 * __YES! OFCOURSE IT IS.__**

Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? I have to agree with the other person who commented i likd the idea but i think you could of made it longer and more intense,

2. Think aboIut problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

The problems that the characters face are actually pretty good and eye catching.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? I think that the characters are like likfe and fun to picture.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? I think the only thing you need to do is add more.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? che from hawkesdale: umm well i really want yo visit barcelona but i'm only 12 and well yeah any way awesome page and yeah seeeeya!