BF-Kristen

my name is kristen and i live in barcelona, but i was not born here i was born in curaçao. i go to a school called Benjamin Franklin International School it is an awesome school i love animals, i had a dog and that dog is as big as a horse it would run after me when i ran and when i stoped it would just jump on me pin me down. my friends say that i am awesome and the best.just joking my favorite seasons is the summer it is just freakin´awesome i think braça is going to win the champions league i love chocolate my family come from all over the world i love to hang out with my freinds this is me XD  the one with long hair is arel he is my friend, the one with white shirt samuel also my friend, and the one all the way to the left is alejandro all my friend this is silvia also my friend.(in the talent show) those are a phew are most of my friends (but i just cant get their foto) XD

a better foto of my friend arel and she is anna another friend. and this is Gerard zzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZ

STORY:

As I walk through the street, the moon is full, silence  It is too quite I said to myself. Then I start to walk faster, but then...It was just my girlfriend (Amy) in her new car ( it was a comfortable car, so she had the roof off). When I eneterd the car it was quite for a second. Amy asked me, Where do you want go? I asked Amy," Do you want to go bowiling, it is still open late at night." So as we were driving towards the bowling ring Amy was getting tired and i said, "Do you want to switch, I will drive." After a few minutes a car was fowiling us, I turned and turned, but till he woud not stop foliwing us. So i decided to pass the speed limit, stepped on the gas pedal and lost control and lost him, but I think he got my number plate. So i went to her appartment and open the door and lied her down on her bed, I slept there just so nobody else comes hear. Around 2 A.M I heard something banging on the door, so i wen to the kitchen to get a a knife, so I did, and I ran to Amy's room. After a few secomds I heard that the banging stop, and then i saw someones shadow, it looked like the person had a gun according to the shadow. We were only on the first floor and it was possible to jump out the window, so I woke her up and i told her to jump out and as she jumped out the window, I also jumped out the window. Amy and I started to run towards my house, we got to my house safe and sound nobody was following us. "I know that he will be back for us!" I told Amy, "Why do you think he will be back for us?" Amy said, " Well there is something I did not tell you yet, that my dad is a famous movie director, and when my dad passed away most of his money came in my hands, one of my best friend told someone and that someone contacted robers, murderes... So that is why i think he will be back, but with more." I told Amy. So since i knew that he was probably coming again, i went online and booked some tickets to fly to the carribean island. As we were driving to the airport with the taxi, I wondered if he would find us again. Amy was all ready to go to, but also very nervous. Amy and I enetered the plain and got into our seats. When we were up in the sky i heard this wierd noise and the smell of smoke, I called a lady over one that was working on the plain, ¨What is going on here¨ I asked her ¨There is a slight problem with the engines, but were are almost at our destination¨ She answered. When we landed safely in the bahamas, we went to this hotel to settle down. This night i had to think of away to make it up to Amy, so i did by taking her out to dinner at the finnest restaurant in town, but I also bought her a diamond necklace. That same night a man came up to me and pointed a gun in my face and asked me ¨give me your money!¨ i told them ¨I dont have any money¨. The next momment i just saw a huge white flash and suddenly I saw that i had wings and a halo, but i never thought it would end this way. Now i wont be there to protect my girlfriend. The end

these were your mistakes As I walk through the street, the moon is full, silence  It is too quite I said to myself. Then I start to walk faster, but then...It was just my girlfriend (Amy) in her new car ( it was a a comfortable car, so she had the roof off). When I eneterd the car it was quite for a second. Amy asked me, Where do you want go? I asked Amy," Do you want to go bowiling, it is still open late at night." So as we were driving towards the bowling ring Amy was getting tired and i said, "Do you want to switch, I will drive." After a few minutes a car was fowiling us, I turned and turned, but till he woud not stop foliwing us. So i decided to pass the speed limit, stepped on the gas pedal and lost control and lost him, but I think he got my number plate. So i went to her appartment and open the door and lied her down on her bed, I slept there just so nobody else comes hear. Around 2 A.M I heard something banging on the door, so i wen to the kitchen to get a a knife, so I did, and I ran to Amy's room. After a few secomds I heard that the banging stop, and then i saw someones shadow, it looked like the person had a gun according to the shadow. We were only on the first floor and it was possible to jump out the window, so I woke her up and i told her to jump out and as she jumped out the window, I also jumped out the window. Amy and I started to run towards my house, we got to my house safe and sound nobody was following us. "I know that he will be back for us!" I told Amy, "Why do you think he will be back for us?" Amy said, " Well there is something I did not tell you yet, that my dad is a famous movie director, and when my dad passed away most of his money came in my hands, one of my best friend told someone and that someone contacted robers, murderes ... So that is why i think he will be back, but with more." I told Amy. So since i knew that he was probably coming again, i went online and booked some tickets to fly to the carribean island. As we were driving to the airport with the taxi, I wondered if he would find us again. Amy was all ready to go to, but also very nervous. Amy and I enetered the plain and got into our seats. When we were up in the sky i heard this wierd noise and the smell of smoke, I called a lady over one that was working on the plain, ¨What is going on here¨ I asked her ¨There is a slight problem with the engines, but were are almost at our destination¨ She answered. When we landed safely in the bahamas, we went to this hotel to settle down. This night i had to think of away to make it up to Amy, so i did by taking her out to dinner at the finnest restaurant in town, but I also bought her a diamond necklace. That same night a man came up to me and pointed a gun in my face and asked me ¨give me your money !¨ i told them ¨I dont have any money¨. The next momment i just saw a huge white flash and suddenly I saw that i had wings and a halo, but i never thought it would end this way. Now i wont be there to protect my girlfriend. The end

You have a good story but you need to work on these above. IT looks mostly like capitilization and spelling

Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) What suggestions do you have for the author(s)? i think it ended to suddenly. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? it seemed more like a summary 3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? all i know about the characters is ones name is amy and theres a girl and a rich boy 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? What details would you like to see in the next revision of the story? i want to know what will happen to amy

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? What suggestions do you have for the author? i think you should put more details in it